Husbands who no longer want sex from wife, please enter.

Aristotle · 06-07-2012, 08:06 AM

It seems the LD males are lurkers or just unable to use the internet for whatever reason. Maybe they have a low internet drive as well. If you are a husband who no longer wants sex from his wife, or thinks your wife just wants too much sex, please come help us out. We have a lot of threads here where your opinion (no trolls - real husbands are needed) would really help. I'd like to understand was it years of rejection, is it the fact you are just not attracted to your wife, no longer interested in sex because she is boring in bed, maybe interested in another sex, porn addiction and prefer to masturbate or the drive for sex is just gone. I suppose I am more interested in a young to middle age guy that just has no sex drive. That seems to be the problem on the forums from some of these wives. No real reason, just no sex drive. If you could give us your age, that would definitely help some of us relate.

We seem to have HD wives, LD wives, and HD husbands on the forum, but the elusive LD husband is hard to find. Maybe because it's like being gay? Something they'd prefer to just NOT talk about?

Some of the threads here just completely blow my mind. I am not sure if the wives are exaggerating, leaving out a big piece of the puzzle, or just creating a problem from something they've created. I'd absolutely love to get some responses from the LD males.

Aristotle · 06-07-2012, 08:09 AM

My first 3 sentences remind me of a Maury Povich commercial looking for guests.

I'd sincerely love to see some of these husbands explain what's going on.

Runs like Dog · 06-07-2012, 08:42 AM

I'm ZD. Zero. After decades of being told no by Her Highness that part of my brain shut off or burned out.

Aristotle · 06-07-2012, 08:46 AM

So it was decades of being told no. That one makes the makes the most sense to me. I have seen guys that have turned down or off their sex drive because their spouse refuse to give them sex and they remain loyal. I wonder if a ZD could carry over into a whole new relationship with a whole new woman though?

Shiksa · 06-07-2012, 09:29 AM

My LD husband wouldn't go on forums, but I will tell you about him. 58, married 18 years, 2 kids: 11 and 14. My perspective was he became LD on anti-depressants about when we married. Things got worse and we had about a 10 year sexless period with the longest stretch of no sex for 2 years. I gave up asking, never begged Never caught him watching porn for years. Things blew up when I did find a little porn on browsing history. I was done if things didn't get better. I read books recommended on here and was relentless as this was a last ditched effort to save us and my sanity. After coming on here, I asked him to have his T level checked. Now he is on shots (just started).

Over six months later and we are in a much better place. He realizes how sex has improved our marriage. He still doesn't have the drive I have and is trying to be more adventurous in bed. For the first time in 18 years I got oral!! I had never pushed it before, but realized I was getting resentful for the lack of give and take. He is really trying and knows I have his and our best interest at heart.

When I blew up six months ago, I asked him why he wasn't interested in sex. Bottom line was he was extremely depressed for various reasons outside our relationship (death of sister, horrible job) and didn't feel like he was worthy. He just didn't think of how it was for me and how selfish it was. I try to wait for him to initiate so I don't overwhelm him, but I do remind him everyday (ok, all the time!) how much I want him and am receptive to advances anytime.

Hope this helps.

strugglinghusband · 06-07-2012, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Runs like Dog

I'm ZD. Zero. After decades of being told no by Her Highness that part of my brain shut off or burned out.

Are you just ZD for your wife? or do you think about sex still at all, with other women?

Maricha75 · 06-07-2012, 10:11 AM

My husband, I would say is LD, at least now. For years he and I were equal. Now, either my drive increased (is possible, I will be 37 in a couple months), or his dropped. The thing is, I am not sure if it is due to depression (actually bipolar but deep in depressive state along with other issues) itself, the meds they have put him on to try to fix him, having been taken off certain meds, or because of low testosterone now. He will be 31 next month. Sex is just very rarely on his mind and sometimes, I feel like the lack is because of MY disconnecting for so long. Either way, right now he is very LD.

SimplyAmorous · 06-07-2012, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Shiksa said: he became LD on anti-depressants about when we married

This is so commonplace, these drugs can really mess with the sex drive. They say Wellbutrin is one of the best that can accually increase the drive (if this is an option)... some reviews found here:

Does Wellbutrin increase your sex drive?

My husband is not LD- but he is Lower Test...which can affect how often we can go at it, affects his Refractory period. When he was tested at age 45, the Encronologist told me his numbers were the NORM for men in thier 60's ..... YIKES!!! That darn comment worried me for months... but as I started reading books, I learned some men are naturally just LOWER all of their lives, my husband seems to be one of these....it just seems to fit... he has never been the aggressive type either.

I feel what saves us is.... He is a "Physical Toucher", and the emotional connection he craves very much but if I was waiting around for LUST to overwhelm him, I'd have to starve him more than a few days...and I ain't willing to wait that long to find out.

I bought this book 3 yrs ago out of pure curiosity.... He's Just Not Up for It Anymore: Why Men Stop Having Sex, and What You Can Do About It: Books....when my husband couldn't keep up with me (I was REALLY pushing it though!).... I started to question his desire .....us women tend to take this very very personal

...it doesn't help we are more emotional by nature. Then when all we hear is women complaining their husbands want it all day, we want to scream & pull our hair out, it can be tormenting...wanting to be in those shoes.

From the book...Statistical breakdown.....

Quote:

We asked men to rate a list of reasons on a scale that went from strongly agree to strongly disagree...the following table lists in descending order the % of men who agreed with each of the causes.. Says the reason is seldom simple... may have physiological ,psychological or a cultural foundation, or even combined.

WHY MEN SAID THEY STOPPED :

1. She isn't sexually adventerous enough for me 68 %

2. She doesn't seem to enjoy sex 61%

3. I am interested in sex with others -but not with my wife 48%

4. I am angry at her (resentment) 44%

5. I'm bored 41%

6. She has gained a significant amount of weight 38 %

7. I am depressed 34%

8. I no longer find her physically attractive 32%

9. I suffer from erectile dysfunction 30%

10. I lost interest & don't know why 28%

11. I prefer to masterbate but not online 25%

12. I prefer to watch pornography online & masterbate 25%

13. I am on medication that lowered my libido 21%

14. I am/was having an affair 20%

15. I suffer from premature ejaculation 16%

16. I have difficulty acheiving orgasm 15%

17. I am too tired 14%

18. She is/was having an affair 9%

19. I don't have the time 6%

20. I wasn't interested in sex to begin with 3%

21. I am gay < 1%

Runs like Dog · 06-07-2012, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aristotle

So it was decades of being told no. That one makes the makes the most sense to me. I have seen guys that have turned down or off their sex drive because their spouse refuse to give them sex and they remain loyal. I wonder if a ZD could carry over into a whole new relationship with a whole new woman though?

Don't know or care. I am sure I'm too screwed up to ever have a normal relationship with anyone normal.

Runs like Dog · 06-07-2012, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by strugglinghusband

Are you just ZD for your wife? or do you think about sex still at all, with other women?

Nope, the urge or drive or whatnot is dead. Deader than Elvis.

Mavash. · 06-07-2012, 10:26 AM

My husband doesn't do forums either but he is/was LD (it's climbing slowly but surely). His was due to me. I emasculated him early and often. Add in a splash of depression (mine) with being angry (again me) and a unhealthy dose of over the top neediness and well if that won't kill a drive I don't know what will.

I fixed all this years ago but it wasn't enough the damage was already done. So I had to pull back physically and give him space to want me again. Took 10 months. We still had sex but I quit pursing him and I did a 180. I was available but didn't chase. He began to worry that I'd leave him so he began to step up his game.

We're a work in progress for sure but I'm very hopeful.

lamaga · 06-07-2012, 10:27 AM

RLD, you certainly don't come across as screwed up -- I'm very sad to hear that you feel this way.

chillymorn · 06-07-2012, 11:51 AM

the sterotypical man can't get enough sex so low drive men are probly not going to feel comfortable talking or sharing their low drive with others.

not saying its right but thats what I think about the fact that not many men post about that they have a low drive and are fine with it.

Aristotle · 06-07-2012, 11:58 AM

Run like Dog, would you mind sharing your age?

Shiska, your story sounds great to be honest. That is awesome you got him to do oral and things have been improving. When I read some of these LD husband threads, I just can't even begin to think of an answer for them. Since they have a LD, chances are they aren't browsing the "sex and marriage" forum regardless, leaving noone to defend them.

Aristotle · 06-07-2012, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chillymorn

the sterotypical man can't get enough sex so low drive men are probly not going to feel comfortable talking or sharing their low drive with others.

not saying its right but thats what I think about the fact that not many men post about that they have a low drive and are fine with it.

Agreed. If they know it is something they do not feel "comfortable" talking about, then they could understand why their wife would want the "idea of a normal" man with a higher drive though right? It's something they do not even want to talk about.

I do not like the word normal.

I guess I just wonder how they justify making their HD spouse suffer. I mean, I see women everyday try to justify why their husband doesn't deserve sex or should only get it once a month, but I have never heard this from a husband.