Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I fear this post maybe a long one, so I will say sorry in advance.
I suppose i should start by saying that my husband and I have been married for 2 years, but together for almost 9. We have 2 children, and even thoght it has been rough
sometimes i believe we still love each other very much.
My reason for coming here today is this: we fight over sex...a lot. We have very different schedules. I work outside the home and he keeps the kids ( he is a disabled vet). He stays up very late, while i have to go to bed so I can work. His gets upset if we dont have sex daily, but refuses to come to bed when I do. He wants to me wake up at 4am when he comes to bed and have sex. Now honestly i dont mind this that much. The problem comes from me not always waking up. He says i will push him away or yell at him and I dont remember any of it. This used to happen often but has not in some time. I thiught this was behind me but i was wrong.
Last night he said he same to bed at 6 and tried to wake me up and i snapped at him then we talked for 5 minutes. I remember waking up and him wrapping his arm around me, then i went back to sleep, nothing else. Talking fo him today he sounded very upset and said that he no longer believes that I dont remember and that i just dont want him. That is not the case! But nothing I say seems to change his mind. He is very self-consious on many levels worse recently dus to some other issues. I dont know how to make him see that i do love him, and love making love fo him. He seems fo doubt i care at all right now.
My question is this; what can i do to make him see that i do love him and want him? I am seeing a dr for some medical issues and mentioned the sleep talking thing. But i think its just me being tired. I know from experience if i go home tonight and try to i initiate sex he is going to think i am only doing it because of this morning. If i dont, i think he will just get more upset living with the thought i dont desire him.
Any ideas of what I can do to let him know I want him? And that I'm sorry for snapping? Something to help him see how i feel? I thought of sending him a txt and picture from work saying sorry and i love him but have never done anything like that before am unsure how he would react.
Any help or advise or anything would be greatly appericiated.
I don't think you should be the one apologizing, frankly.
If he wants sex, he should come to bed when you go to bed -- after the festivities, he can get back up and do whatever he does all night. But you are the one working, so your schedule should take precedence.
I don't think you should be the one apologizing, frankly.
If he wants sex, he should come to bed when you go to bed -- after the festivities, he can get back up and do whatever he does all night. But you are the one working, so your schedule should take precedence.
That's just me.
lamaga,
Can't believe we disagree a little on this one too! What's happening?
Let's not forget that the parent that stays home raosing the kids IS working TOO!
I fear this post maybe a long one, so I will say sorry in advance.
I suppose i should start by saying that my husband and I have been married for 2 years, but together for almost 9. We have 2 children, and even thoght it has been rough
sometimes i believe we still love each other very much.
My reason for coming here today is this: we fight over sex...a lot. We have very different schedules. I work outside the home and he keeps the kids ( he is a disabled vet). He stays up very late, while i have to go to bed so I can work. His gets upset if we dont have sex daily, but refuses to come to bed when I do. He wants to me wake up at 4am when he comes to bed and have sex. Now honestly i dont mind this that much. The problem comes from me not always waking up. He says i will push him away or yell at him and I dont remember any of it. This used to happen often but has not in some time. I thiught this was behind me but i was wrong.
Last night he said he same to bed at 6 and tried to wake me up and i snapped at him then we talked for 5 minutes. I remember waking up and him wrapping his arm around me, then i went back to sleep, nothing else. Talking fo him today he sounded very upset and said that he no longer believes that I dont remember and that i just dont want him. That is not the case! But nothing I say seems to change his mind. He is very self-consious on many levels worse recently dus to some other issues. I dont know how to make him see that i do love him, and love making love fo him. He seems fo doubt i care at all right now.
My question is this; what can i do to make him see that i do love him and want him? I am seeing a dr for some medical issues and mentioned the sleep talking thing. But i think its just me being tired. I know from experience if i go home tonight and try to i initiate sex he is going to think i am only doing it because of this morning. If i dont, i think he will just get more upset living with the thought i dont desire him.
Any ideas of what I can do to let him know I want him? And that I'm sorry for snapping? Something to help him see how i feel? I thought of sending him a txt and picture from work saying sorry and i love him but have never done anything like that before am unsure how he would react.
Any help or advise or anything would be greatly appericiated.
Thank you for your time. Posted via Mobile Device
My husband and I had similar problems. Solution: we have sex after dinner most nights then we watch tv. Sometimes he comes up to bed with me. Other nights he stays up and watches tv or works from home.
I also talk and have conversations in my sleep when I am woken up. I have since I was a little kid. my mom used to report me having full blown tantrums about brushing my teeth after falling asleep on the couch BUT I didn't remember any of it. I would get up off the couch, scream and yell then walk up to bed without remembering it. So I know it's possible. Hubby sometimes wakes me up and I'll do the same thing. I push him away or grunt at him. I wouldn't do it if I was fully awake.
lamaga, I suggested this and he flat refused. He said he did not want to do that. I'm not sure exactly *why* he wont but its not an option in his opinion.
i don't care if he comes to bed with me or not....thats totally up to him. But he seems to not want to have sex then get up. I dont know why
Toffer - I would like to stay up longer, but honestly (with the exception of last night when I passes out at 9:30) most nights I am up until at least 12 or 1...and have to leave home for work by 6:45. I just am not sure I can get less than 5 hours a sleep a night and still function properly at my job.
This is easy to fix. You just need to initiate once in a while. Sometimes when my wife is in bed and I'm up watching TV she'll text me (so the kids don't hear) "I need you in here". She often goes to bed around 9PM because she gets up early for work. My oldest doesn't go to bed until 10PM so coming out in a nighty might be a little awkward.
Make yourself a rule....every time you turn him down you have to initiate twice. When you get home from work is he sleeping? Wake his ass up!
lamaga, I suggested this and he flat refused. He said he did not want to do that. I'm not sure exactly *why* he wont but its not an option in his opinion.
i don't care if he comes to bed with me or not....thats totally up to him. But he seems to not want to have sex then get up. I dont know why
Toffer - I would like to stay up longer, but honestly (with the exception of last night when I passes out at 9:30) most nights I am up until at least 12 or 1...and have to leave home for work by 6:45. I just am not sure I can get less than 5 hours a sleep a night and still function properly at my job.
I'm sorry. He's being selfish. There is no reason you can't initiate earlier in the evening and he gets back up. The only thing I can think of is that some men use it as a sleeping pill. Maybe it puts him to sleep. Either way, you're working. You need to be able to function. When I am woken up in the middle of the night (by kids mostly), it takes me an hour or two to fall back to sleep. It's seriously disruptive.
My husband would do this to me in his sleep just like your husband is claiming you did...And it hurt my feelings because this was during our bad time and he pretty much told me I wasn't allowed to wake him up for sex in the middle of the night (mind you this is usually the only time i am in the mood...always been that way) well it took us talking about it and coming to an understanding about it. You need to reassure him and come to a comprimise..maybe when you go up towards the bedroom you can lead him by the hand
If he's staying up until 4-6am every night, how the heck is he taking care of the kids during the day? Does he just not sleep? Do your kids sleep till noon or something? (If so, lucky you....mine have never slept a minute past 7:00am)
I talk in my sleep too. My H knows not to try to have a convo with me when I am asleep. I have cussed him out (apparently) without remembering.
This is crazy. If he isn't willing to have sex earlier, then tough S for him.
What is he doing all night...is he up looking at porn or something and then comes to wake you up? Posted via Mobile Device
Can't believe we disagree a little on this one too! What's happening?
Let's not forget that the parent that stays home raosing the kids IS working TOO!
I can see both sides but lets also realize that the parent at home watching the kids is the one staying up until 4a.m....so to me his sleep schedule isn't being messed up at all.
22Likes
Husband upset over sex...Dont know what to do 
