Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Re: Women that like frequent sex with their husband
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Originally Posted by As You Wish
have noticed that my drive seems to have increased as I've aged.
ok... i seen this alot posted here... and it has me a bit worried... Maybe I should look into something to decrease my drive... am starting to feel like a nympho :/
Re: Women that like frequent sex with their husband
If it were up to me, stbxh and I would have sex twice a day. Alas, I could only get it out of him twice a month because he was getting it every day elsewhere. I spent a lot of time feeling enormously frustrated because I'm not disloyal and was dissatisfied, so I felt very deeply betrayed by his choices -- firstly because he was cheating and secondly because he was cheating so much while leaving me to suffer which was at my expense. Feeling so rejected has killed my sex drive and while I could have lots of NSA sex if I wanted, I find myself disinclined. I always want it, but I'm emotionally paralyzed about seeking it out now. Sex drives are impacted by all kinds of things -- innate disposition, confidence, hormone and diet, hydration levels, emotional connection, stress. Figuring out what you generally want is a good place to start so you can consider what factors are causing you to vary. And, in my opinion, it should be one of the first thing that spouses talk about because arguments over sex and money are the two main things that can kill an otherwise good relationship.
Re: Women that like frequent sex with their husband
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Originally Posted by lovesherman
Do you think that her desire for sex was determined by her cycle? Sounds like that would have been a very difficult thing to change.
She was on the pill, which "I've heard can affect drive. She was on it shortly before we married. The doctor actually put her on it because she had such a rough time every month and he thought it would ease that. So, she was on the pill our entire 18 year marriage.
Some women even told her that being on it so long could be affecting her so much that it was even changing how she viewed things and, thus, making a divorce seem like what she wanted. One lady told her that she went through a stage where she had no desire for her husband at all, not sexually or otherwise. She said she went off the pill, and in about two months she was starting to feel like her old self again. But my x didn't want to believe it. This lady begged her to get off the pill and just "try it," see if it makes a difference, but she wasn't interested.
Re: Women that like frequent sex with their husband
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Originally Posted by southbound
She was on the pill, which "I've heard can affect drive. She was on it shortly before we married. The doctor actually put her on it because she had such a rough time every month and he thought it would ease that. So, she was on the pill our entire 18 year marriage.
Some women even told her that being on it so long could be affecting her so much that it was even changing how she viewed things and, thus, making a divorce seem like what she wanted. One lady told her that she went through a stage where she had no desire for her husband at all, not sexually or otherwise. She said she went off the pill, and in about two months she was starting to feel like her old self again. But my x didn't want to believe it. This lady begged her to get off the pill and just "try it," see if it makes a difference, but she wasn't interested.
Re: Women that like frequent sex with their husband
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Originally Posted by moxy
The pill does mess with the libido. I'm sorry that your wife wouldn't even consider stopping it.
thanks for the thought. Does anyone else agree that the pill could affect women's thinking? I'm not saying it takes over the mind like you are possessed with a demon, but can it change hormones so much that you feel like you don't love someone anymore and think you have to get out?
I have had several women share personal stories like that. A lady that I work with said she went through a weird time when her husband said she acted totally different. She got off the pill and she also said she got back to her old self in a few months. She says she would never touch the pill again.
Re: Women that like frequent sex with their husband
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Originally Posted by southbound
Is it something that just seems normal for you and you never gave it much thought, or does it take a lot of relationship work to do it?
I’ve always been HD and love sex. For me it does not take a lot of relationship work for there to be sex.
I love how it makes me feel, during and after. And I love making my partner feel good, very good. Doing this for him makes sex more enjoyable for me.
When I was younger I did not think about it because I thought that everyone was the same. I know better now.
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Originally Posted by southbound
Do you ever wonder why some women have low drives, or does it make perfect sense to you?
Yea I’ve wondered why some women have low drives. I also wonder why some men have low drives. I do not understand it and feel badly for them as they are missing something very good in life.
But let’s remember that just because a person refuses to have sex often (or ever) with their spouse might not mean that they are low drive. They might be getting their needs met elsewhere.
There are many different reasons why a person might be LD or refuse sex, too many to list here. All I can say is what a waste of one’s life to do this. And what a horrible abuse to visit on one’s spouse.
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Originally Posted by southbound
Do you feel your husband has shortcomings but it just doesn't bother you enough to decrease your drive like it would some women, or is your husband just great at being great and, therefore, it keeps your drive going.
Everyone has shortcomings. As long as there is not abuse why let silly things get in the way of a good roll in the hay?
That said, when things got really bad in the marriage I got to the point where I would not have sex with my husband. But we are talking about his adultery and emotional/physical abuse. And at that point I was ready to leave the marriage and did.
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Originally Posted by southbound
Could you have sex just for the physical enjoyment, or are there always emotional needs that need to be met?
If sex in marriage was only for physical enjoyment I think I would not like that. But yea, sometimes it’s a very emotional and intimate thing. And sometimes it’s just a physical thing. A good sex life is like a good piece of music, there are many notes, some high, some low and a lot in between… each never exactly the same.
Re: Women that like frequent sex with their husband
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Originally Posted by southbound
thanks for the thought. Does anyone else agree that the pill could affect women's thinking? I'm not saying it takes over the mind like you are possessed with a demon, but can it change hormones so much that you feel like you don't love someone anymore and think you have to get out?
I have had several women share personal stories like that. A lady that I work with said she went through a weird time when her husband said she acted totally different. She got off the pill and she also said she got back to her old self in a few months. She says she would never touch the pill again.
I tried the pill when I was in my early 20's. It made me feel like I was PMSing all the time. I hated it so I stopped taking it.
Re: Women that like frequent sex with their husband
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Originally Posted by EleGirl
Everyone has shortcomings. As long as there is not abuse why let silly things get in the way of a good roll in the hay?
That said, when things got really bad in the marriage I got to the point where I would not have sex with my husband. But we are talking about his adultery and emotional/physical abuse. And at that point I was ready to leave the marriage and did.
I wouldn't blame you, I always thought adultery and abuse were deal breakers; I don't think i would have liked myself very much if i had done that. that's why I was so puzzled by our divorce.
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Originally Posted by EleGirl
I tried the pill when I was in my early 20's. It made me feel like I was PMSing all the time. I hated it so I stopped taking it.
The effect it had on my x wife was that it just practically eliminated all signs of her period. Her time each month was very brief and "light", as she described it. I only knew because she would mention it. There were no mood swings, no cramps, nothing. She liked it that way, which I don't blame her, but I just wonder if that is normal.
Re: Women that like frequent sex with their husband
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Southbound said : Some women even told her that being on it so long could be affecting her so much that it was even changing how she viewed things and, thus, making a divorce seem like what she wanted. One lady told her that she went through a stage where she had no desire for her husband at all, not sexually or otherwise. She said she went off the pill, and in about two months she was starting to feel like her old self again. But my x didn't want to believe it. This lady begged her to get off the pill and just "try it," see if it makes a difference, but she wasn't interested.
OMG YES.....Southbound ....the freaking PILL.... I would think if she was already kinda low, that would kick her into zero desire. For those who are higher to begin with, it may lower it some, but not to zero. That was likely the biggest killer of her libido ..... I recall a thread on here from a lady who , when she stopped, she was suddenly going crazy mad for sex, it was the best thing that ever happened to her marriage...she was kicking herself for putting her husband through all of those years of frustration & just not being into it .... and suddenly got a taste of what he was dealing with. It was a fasinating read , but not sure I can find it again.
I personally NEVER wanted anything to do with hormonal birth control...just reading those side effects was enough to steer me clear.
Darn ....her friend was trying to talk some sense into her and she just ignored her...what a shame!
girlJ 1. Is she on birth control? The Pill ruined my libido. I was behaving somewhat like your fiancée until I switched to a pill with a higher androgen profile. This resulted in a significant uptick in sexual desire. You can find information on the androgen levels of various pills online, and if the one she is on is in the lower half of the spectrum, talk to her about switching to one on the higher end of it.
EN 2. Agreed!!! The pill completely destroyed mine. I'm much better now that I'm off. And I'll admit that there's still some weeks where sex doesn't even cross my mind, yet others that I can barely concentrate on anything BUT sex. Still working on finding a fix...
notfromaroundhere 3. Absolutely. Sounds like the Pill. The EXACT same thing happened to a former girlfriend of mine when she went on the pill. She didn't just lose interest in sex, she didn't even want me to touch her. After a couple of months off the Pill, she was back to normal.
Luna 4. Same thing happened to me when I was on the pill. When we first got together, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Then I took the pill and it killed whatever sex drive I had. Things became uncomfortable in my nether regions. It would sometimes be painful because of the lack of lubrication. Whenever we had sex, I just couldn't wait for it to be over.
Re: Women that like frequent sex with their husband
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Originally Posted by Gaia
I would never remember when to take the pill.. that and i hate taking pills anyway... so I plan on getting the shot.
If you think you are done having kids (?? ) or want to wait a good 5 yrs of more, have you considered Paragard, the non-hormonal IUD, once that is inserted (2 minutes in the Obgyn's office), it is good for up to 12 long years, you don't need to do a thing... no pills, no hormones, no mess , no shots...and complete protection.
I think it is the finest birth control on the market for a woman who is monogomous. LOVE mine, one of the best things I ever did and it is not pernament either. I would never get those shots, they have side effects as well and can still affect your libido.
Not trying to be pushy- but seriously I love my IUD ! God Bless that thing! Ha ha I wanted mine so bad, I had it inserted on the way home from my last C-section before the baby & me even got home.
36Likes
Re: Women that like frequent sex with their husband 
Does anyone else agree that the pill could affect women's thinking? I'm not saying it takes over the mind like you are possessed with a demon, but can it change hormones so much that you feel like you don't love someone anymore and think you have to get out? 
