EleGirl

This was years ago so it was a much more old-fashion IUD.... I had to have it removed because it caused me problems. The doc who removed it told me that he has delivered plenty of babies who came out holding an IUD in their hand. Don't know if the new ones have a better success rate. I wonder?

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Runs like Dog

What's the mystery? Just as there's an enormous variation in the type of sexual response people have there's a wide range of desire to have sex. For each individual, whatever they are and do is normal. The problem is when that conflicts with their partner.

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southbound

I have described the mystery that I have in various posts.

FirstYearDown

karma*girl

Things do not need to be perfect for us to have sex- we both are on the HD side for the most part, however, if one of us isn't happy with something the other has done, we both respond by pulling back & not wanting sex for a bit. (There are many things that have the power to keep my desire for him high though..)

My H is interesting because he won't want it if we aren't connected..he says he can't get into it if we aren't getting along...totally understandable.
I'm the same, but I thought that was more typical for women.

As far as housework goes, it's not that I won't have sex if he doesn't 'help with the dishes', but it's the 'taken for granted' aspect of that, that festers beneath that lack of help that would cause me to pull back. However, I'm often horny, regardless. I'll just take care of myself in times like these- actually, that time is now, so... I need to get going
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sandc

Hello,
This is Mrs. SandC

I think that to have a wonderful time with sex, enjoy it and do it often requires some relationship work to make it happen. That is the foundation of great sex.

Women that enjoy it often are usually secure with their husbands e.g. knows that he loves her wholeheartedly, takes care of all her needs and will sacrifice things for her. Sex is for physical enjoyment and for need of intimacy. It is an way in which both give and receive love, sort of a seal to that love. Unconditional love to your husband would cover most if not all of his shortcomings.

- C

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SimplyAmorous

Our last 5 ... I got pregnant on the 1st or 2nd attempt ...every time....once I got mine inserted...it has been flawless....we gave it a good test drive in the last 3 yrs to prove it's effectiveness.

Nothing is 100% ...experts say... even the pill, many of Mom's learned some antibiotics = a surprise pregnancy, never missed a pill. I know 4 moms with that surprise. Even know one who's husband got cut... it can even happen with Tubes being tied....unless you get them cut tied & burned. What can you do!@#$%6.

I've read the Dalcon Shield (the old one) got a really bad reputation which has tainted the IUD for years...... this NEW one is better, improved, I forget the issue the other had but this one does not carry it I guess. I researched so much of this before I made my final decision. My aunt had one before she even had a baby... for like 10 yrs, had it taken out & had her one & only child at age 42. Worked like a charm for her.

They are never recommended for those who may have more than 1 partner though......higher risk for Pelvic inflammatory Disease..if any infections are passed along, or diseases. I'd say this is the biggest risk factor...or if you are allergic to copper -that wouldn't be working.

But if you are with 1 man, I don't think this can be topped for a reversible birth control in this day & age. If it works with your body, that is.

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River1977

I hate coming in on the 4th or 5th page because I don't know if this has already been said, so please forgive if it has. I'm too lazy to read all the pages. LOL

First, I don't think you should describe the act of sex, or even think of it, in terms of it being and feeling the same for everyone. It is pleasurable to you, so you think it and describe it as if it is pleasurable for everyone. I'm afraid it's not. Whenever you think of men and women having sex, you are thinking of the good time you have when you do, how good it feels to you, and that it is pleasurable for them like it's pleasurable for you. But that's neither fair nor accurate in all cases.

By the same token, you can't expect, think, or assume sex was as pleasurable for your (ex)wife when the two of you had sex. You can't think she experienced the same pleasure you did while you were feeling it to be so pleasurable.

Maybe that is at least one thing about how people view sex, particularly in all the threads and responses where people say they don't understand a woman not wanting sex, as well as the ones that expect women and tell women to "just do it." It's not nearly so simple and in some cases, it is just bad advice despite the reason being that their man needs sex. Oftentimes, their man is the reason they don't want sex and are LD. But, I won't get into that. I just want to address some of the ways sex is different for men and women because I really think most men think it is the same for both, as they, like yourself, southbound, feel it is something so fun and pleasurable and can't understand why some (if not many) women feel the way they feel. If it were so fun and pleasurable for all women, there wouldn't be nearly as many LD women because they'd want that fun and pleasure more often. Even if they were LD, they'd still want the pleasure because desire is not always based on hormones. Whether or not their homones make them desire sex like they do at certain times of the month or as often as testosterone makes men desire sex, they would still want to experience how good sex feels........if it does feel good. But, it doesn't for all women, it doesn't feel the same for all women, and it definitely doesn't feel good or pleasurable for women in the same way(s) that it feels good and pleasurable for men. So, you can't blanket the whole world of women with an opinion that applies to you based on what you find to be fun and pleasurable. You probably also drink beverages that I hate........and women don't have your p*nis.

One way that men and women differ is the gentials themselves. The act of sex - the in and out motion - causes friction, and that is very stimulating (feels good and is pleasurable) for men. However, there is nothing inside a woman's vagina that friction stimulates. Men need friction, but women need pressure to her pressure points. There are different zones where, unless pressure is applied, she derives little or no pleasure from the act.

A lot of men don't know or understand that. I'd say I've had as many boyfriends (including the two who later became my husband) who did as did not understand our physical differences. Those who didn't know thought I was having as much fun as they were having just because they were humping me and enjoying themselves and I was performing. Of those that didn't know, there were one or two who possessed awesome oral skills but after that, the balance of our sessions served no purpose for me. A lot of women have the same experience. As a result, I wanted, desired, craved oral sex with these guys, but I never desired intercourse with them. I accepted that was part of the deal, but holding up my end of the bargain was a chore. I felt for these guys however I felt - loved them or liked them a lot - but my sex drive was affected according to how fun and pleasurable our love making was not.

Another way sex is different for men and women is the size of the man. (Because I'm not talking about any men who, for some reason, find no fun or pleasure in sex) I expect it's safe to say that sex is fun and pleasurable to all men small, average, and large since the stimulus (friction) is the same during the act of intercouse (yes, I know not women are the same size and that she needs to act enthusiastic). This is the age-old question of "does size matter?" For me (and most other women on this board who have responded to that question), the answer is "no, size does not matter." Or rather, it doesn't have to matter. A man's size is as much in his head as his actual organ if he doesn't know or understand how women derive pleasure (her zones). I had two boyfriends who were not much bigger than my thumb. Sex with one was miserable, while sex with the other was as intense, passionate, fun, and pleasurable as it could be with any man. I enjoyed our love making immensely and eagerly looked forward to our sessions. The converse of my earlier example is that he and I did not engage in oral sex at all, so what I desired was intercourse with him.

I've never been a HD woman. However, I have never said "no" never rejected my husband (neither of them) or boyfriend (except the one who mistreated me) because I liked that he wanted me and knew I'd get into it once we began. But, I have to say I did before feel sex was a chore. That was with my first husband. We were both young and inexperienced. I was his first, and he was my second. He was quite enjoying his new world, while I was performing what I supposed was my duty. I don't blame him because neither of us knew anything about what we were doing where my needs were concerned, so sex was a chore.

The thing is, there are men your age, older, younger than you who never mature enough to learn, and there are women who never mature enough to learn themselves either. Therefore, and again, it is neither fair nor accurate to say or even wonder why some women don't want sex. These are just a few of my own experiences. There are women who wonder what all the fuss is about. What I automatically think is they've never had their world rocked as I have (and as I do [with my husband] LOL). I've even read some women here say they don't like oral, and I think they just never had it done to them right. But, I could be wrong on both accounts because I don't live in their skin. It's wrong to think every woman finds sex good and enjoyable or fun and pleasurable. I've been wanton, I've been turned off, and I've been bored, so I can understand all of those conditions. Even though a woman loves her man, wants to be with him, and wants to marry him doesn't mean sex with him is not a chore if sex is a chore for whatever reason.

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Once I realized my needs have always been met, my drive went through the roof.

The only time I've ever really been LD was after I broke my neck and had surgery. The pain has always been unbearable and I was trying different ways and medications to get it under control. Once the pain was under control, I was out of control.

My husband was right there with me until things at work were stressful on his part. Hopefully this will calm down now that he officially got the promotion and he settles in his new position.

I'm very HD for over a year. If I'm not getting any, I'd like to know before hand, so I don't get upset. The worst is when we make plans to and then they suddenly change. Ugh, that feeling of being higher drive does not calm down for some time. I just have to remember to stay calm and not get upset.

Love Song

I was masturbating long before I lost my virginity. So now that I am married my drive didn't slow down any. Actually it picked up.


I think what you do before your in a relationship effects what you do when your in one. If your one of those women who never touched themselves and explored your vulva and vagina on your own then sex may be more of a turn off when your married.

Cosmos

I have a normal to high sex drive, but it is largely dependent on chemistry and emotional intimacy. The necessary foreplay to make sex fulfilling and meaningful to me starts in my brain, and lack of emotional intimacy / connection would be an off switch.

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Love Song

Our brains are our largest sexual organ meaning how we view sex largely affects our sex drive. A woman can stop herself from having an orgasm by how she feels or what she thinks.

So the problem is on what a person thinks. If you think that sex has one purpose and that is to reproduce only then it will affect your sex drive. If you think having sex for any other reason then having kids means you aren't perfect and everyone's always expected you to be perfect then it will effect your sex drive.

Love Song

I think she did if for you only and put on a great act during sex. But I don't think she wanted it at all.

Just as a way to compare i'll explain to you how I am
- I wait until my husband and I have time away from our son so we can get our grove on
- I know what I like and what I don't like and my husband knows too and uses it to his advantage
- I'm high drive and can be satisfied with 3 times a week. (I would rather have it more but as a parent it's just not reasonable)

That's the difference between someone who enjoys sex and someone who doesn't. Just because your wife put on a performance during sex does not mean she wanted it. Lots of women put on an act (though I do not). I'm not trying to be harsh but trying to show you the reality of your situation IMO.

southbound

I appreciate the time and in depth thought you put into this post and for presenting a different angle. Like I said, I am trying to learn. So, are you saying that sex for some healthy women can actually be uncomfortable or just blah?

Good points. As for the pleasure, the O is certainly the climax of the act, but honestly, I didn't want sex just for the O. When I fantasized about sex, I actually didn't think as much about the O as i did getting there. I enjoyed the sharing of bodies, the playfulness, the intimacy of it all, unlike some things that are done strictly for the direct physical pleasure. Like getting a professional massage for the direct pleasure. I wouldn't care how the person looked, dressed, or whether candles were lit, I would just want the pleasure of how it felt in the shoulders and back, but with sex, I liked the entire process; my body is just in a different mode.

My x was one who didn't climax through intercourse, but I always gave her clit stimulation with hands and orally, which she seemed to love. She also seemed to enjoy intercourse even though she didn't climax. There were times when I was giving clit stimulation and she would say, "I want to feel you inside me."

That's one thing that I have noticed on this forum is that a lot of women do it because they enjoy pleasing their man, but she didn't seem to feel this way. I'm sure there were times she may have done it to please me, but it wasn't often. She didn't feel it was important to please me sexually. She even seemed puzzled that i was in the mood a lot.

I honestly believe I did rock her world, especially at times. There were times when she would have an orgasm and request more until she had two or three. So, I believe she did experience pleasure. But it didn't matter if we appeared to melt the paint off the bedroom walls, it still didn't change the frequency. I guess you'll just have to take my word for it that she did feel some pleasure once we were there, but obviously i can't say how she felt, only she knows. I guess that's the big puzzle for me, she seemed to enjoy it once there, but that didn't make her want it more often.

Again, I guess you will just have to take my word for it, but I don't think it's her personality to fake it, nor do i think she could have faked it well. The way she acted during orgasm would have embarrassed her to fake.

I also believe that if it was uncomfortable for her, she would have mentioned it. She knew me, and if she wanted to get out of sex, telling me there were problems would have made me understand her lack of desire rather than acting like she was exploding with pleasure.

I'm not trying to argue any of your points, but just presenting my reaction concerning my x wife. I have really enjoyed and learned from you post and appreciate it.

I truly do believe she loved me, and the fact that I loved her made me want her.

Please expand, I would like to read what you think.

bubbly girl

Right before I got married, my mother gave me this advice:

"If you want to keep your husband happy always keep his belly full and never tell him you have a headache."

LOL. She didn't need to worry about that. All these years, even through problems in our marriage, I always found my husband incredibly sexy. I love having sex with him. Sometimes, if I'm not in the mood or very tired, I know that once he gets me going I'll be into it.

To me sex fulfills many needs, but not necessarily all at once. Sometimes it's the emotional bond. Other times its just the primal animal release because we're so hot for each other, and yet other times it's just because I love him so much and pleasing him brings me pleasure.

We have a lot of joking playfulness in our marriage too. Most of it revolves around sexual things. My husband, like many men, has a very crude sense of humor. I think it keeps things fun and interesting.

I even went through a frustrating period where I wanted sex and he was the one denying me. Thank goodness that's over and done with and he's back to wanting to have sex with me.

I just love having sex with my hubby period. It makes me feel loved and desired by him and it's just pure physical pleasure.

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