southbound

There are a ton of threads here from husbands who are frustrated because their wife has a low sex drive, and I'm sure this has been answered somewhat in response to the LD threads, but what about the women here who enjoy frequent, spicy sex with their husband. Is it something that just seems normal for you and you never gave it much thought, or does it take a lot of relationship work to do it? Do you ever wonder why some women have low drives, or does it make perfect sense to you? Do you feel your husband has shortcomings but it just doesn't bother you enough to decrease your drive like it would some women, or is your husband just great at being great and, therefore, it keeps your drive going. Could you have sex just for the physical enjoyment, or are there always emotional needs that need to be met?

Whew! I know that is a lot of questions, but I'm just trying to add wrinkles to my brain when it comes to relationships.

Mavash.

I've been highly sexual from an early age so it's normal to me. Married a man that I have chemistry with. And so far after 21 years he's yet to do anything to decrease my drive. I do NOT understand anyone men or women who don't love sex. I can also have sex without the emotional needs being met. I mean if he were a jerk or cheated on me that would change things but I'm not like a LD female.

The only thing that has caused my drive to drop is age. I'm 46 and even on hormones I can go a week without sex now. That's kind of nice actually. I'm no longer driven by a need to have daily sex. I'd like it sure but it's not necessary. Make sense?

YinPrincess

I can see why some women have low drives. The reasons are numerous and I understand each one - particularly the "lack of attention" one. Instead of shutting down like some women, I seek affection and attention in other ways - such as through intimacy. Sometimes it's the only time I get his one on one attention. I don't need things to be absolutely perfect, although I realize some women are distracted by unfinished and unrelated business. I never have sex for the physical pleasure, as that would be a high expectation for me - rather, I choose to focus on the time I'm spending with him exploring each other.
Posted via Mobile Device

southbound

Wow, your the first responder and you are exactly what I wondered about. It appears you simply enjoy sex, can't understand why anyone wouldn't, and it sounds like there is very little that could change it short of your husband cheating or being a total jerk.

YinPrincess

LoL! Mavash beat me to it!
Posted via Mobile Device

southbound

I meant shortcomings as a person overall. It just seems like women loose interest sometimes and it's because their husband isn't giving them emotional needs in everyday life, yet husbands don't often seem to realize it. I just wondered if there were women who liked sex with their husband and it didn't depend on him keeping the planets in perfect alignment; it appears there are.

southbound

That's something I always wondered about my x wife. Unless there was a health issue, how does a healthy, young woman just go without desire. How could a living body be that sexually dead?

Aristotle

God bless these women.

southbound

I can't say I've figured it out, but like i said, it appears from what I read on this forum that sexual desire is totally different for men and women. It appears men are more visual, while women need more emotional things to be aroused; therefore, if their husband gets grumpy or slacks off on his communication skills, it greatly decreases a woman's desire. Apparently that's not the case for the ones who have responded here, which is what i was wondering, but it appears like it's that way for many.

When I hear it said that some women look at sex as a chore, I wonder how something so pleasurable and fun could be a chore.

*LittleDeer*

I believe I have quite a high drive. However I can be totally turned off sex. If a guy is a doormat, doesn't stand up for himself or me. Isn't a gentlemen in the way he treats women generally, and doesn't pay me enough attention, amongst other things, then I can lose sexual interest.

I believe that to maintain attraction you have to have a healthy relationship, lots of flirting, time together, and for me he has to be a manly man. If I lose respect or he acts like a child (not doing his fair share, losing temper quickly for example) , then it's hard for me to see him as a man and be aroused.

notsocool

I can't imagine not feeling like sex, it is part of who I am, from a teenager through to now,age 50. I went some years between two marriages with no sex and it nearly drove me insane. There is an almost constant driving need in me. I don't 'get' LD women, I can't imagine not having that need. Certainly if my H and I are having problems we might not have sex a couple days, but I still feel like it.
Being in a loving relationship now and having that emotional connect makes sex the best and most intense I've ever experienced. Without that emotional connection as it was mostly with my first marriage, sex wasn't great but I still wanted it. Posted via Mobile Device

Marvel212

For me. Sex was sex. I love the physical aspect of it. Once your married it seems to be a little different. If I havent had it in a while yes I want it just to get it the physical. As my marriage continues it seems to be more than just physical our emotions play into it and make it better or worse. Our sex life doesnt seem to take a hit because of low drive. I think that we understand each other. How to communicate. He knows that I enjoy cuddling and girly stuff like that even if he has to watch one of "my shows" as he calls it. 9/10 he falls asleep but I dont care. I know that he enjoys the physical stuff like waking up to bj's not intiating sex just for the enjoyment. I think a lot of LD couples problems not only lies with sex but other issues in their relationship.... Now there are a few that just dont like or enjoy sex for some crazy reason dont ask me why. Im still trying to understand .....

As You Wish

Sorry to reply so late, but I was having sex. Twice.

I guess I'm different. I left an emotionally dead marriage after 17 yrs. We did it about twice a month.

My current husband and I have a very different dynamic in our marriage. We average 10x a week. Of course we've only been in this relationship a very short time. Lol However, H is very much HD, where my ex was midD, if there is such a thing.

Me, I think my drive is fluid. When it's not happening, I'm ok. But now that I get it regularly, I want it all the time. Lol I'm in my mid 40s and have noticed that my drive seems to have increased as I've aged. But that could have coincided with my divorce. Lol
Posted via Mobile Device

that_girl

It's just normal for me. Hubs is the first man to match my desire. He is also high drive so it works out amazingly.

__________________

FrenchFry

So, I've come to the conclusion that I have a pretty high drive (as ideally I'd like to have sex everyday) but I'm also a little bit affected by my husbands behavior and it's easy for my desire for him to drop, but not desire for orgasms.

Like, I don't get hung up on things like dishes or flowers or handholding or if he was a jerk that day or super nice. I don't ever think like "why didn't he vacuum while I was out, that means no sex tonight," or some such.

But I'm a total hedonist in the bedroom and I like sex to be intense somehow whether it's short or long and when my husband gets lazy with it or gets stubborn about what he wants to do vs what I'd like more times than not, my drive plummets rapidly and I'll have sex with him, but I won't orgasm, it will just be "getting by" sex and it usually ends up with me more frustrated than if I just avoid sex till he gets it together.

So from that aspect of LD, where the sex is unsatisfactory I TOTALLY understand. Having bad sex repeatedly sucks and it builds up frustration whereas just not having it decreases the need to even think about it.

But even when I'm having bad lazy sex, I still get off with myself otherwise I get insanely cranky. If there is a period of time where I'm having bad lazy sex and no time to masturbate, I'm pretty much a tasmanian devil. I'm in that cycle right now, and my husband after me telling him repeatedly what is WRONG WITH ME won't get it together right now. Frustrating.