Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Her Majesty the Queen and Prince Phillip sleep in separate bedrooms....!!!
My parents in law do aswell....because he snores! I think as you get older sleeping 'together' becomes less important.
Three bedrooms..one for her, one for him and one for screwing the hell out of each other in!! YEAH!
Putting aside all my sexual frustrations with my wife, I have never liked sleeping in a double bed, one duvet etc.
I want my own mattress (6ft double bed, 2 x 3ft mattresses), my own duvet.
I enjoy cuddling/spooning etc but when it comes down to actually sleeping, I like my own space.
M & C - just read you post about violence. Until just over 8 years ago I was a police officer (not the USA!).
Traditionally in a domestic violence situation we generally took the womans side (there and then) because generally it WAS teh husband who thumped the wife etc....it wasnt until things got to court that the truth really came out.....he thumped her because if he didnt she would have knifed him etc. But at the scene with tempers flaring and emotions running high, we nearly always 'removed' the male.
When I left, things were, fortunately, changing. We were 'removing' more and more women.
So MC...8 years on, I am quite sure things have progressed even further....just because you are a male doesnt mean your wife can abuse you physically (or emotionally).... if she is drunk and you fear for her (or your) safety, call 911.
If she assaults you, call 911
Please believe me, Police today are FAR more aware of domestic violence being instigated by the female.
she has gotten physical with me and i really don't want to let things go that far so i'm not looking for a dispute over territory in the bedroom.
The getting physical part is going to a whole 'nother level. IMO, the instant she gets physical with you, she needs to be finding a separate address, not just a separate room.
If I were in your shoes, the next time she lays a finger on me I would have her arrested and hauled off, refuse to bail her out, and get a protection order to keep away from me and any children. Then I'd work on the divorce ASAP.
curious as to how many of you sleep in separate bedrooms and for what reason?
for me, i have been told to sleep in the other room several times and eventually "allowed" to return to the bedroom. this last time, after we had been living like "roommates" for months and virtually sexless we had an argument and she told me to sleep in the other room.
that was five weeks ago. when she had cooled down a few days later, she said i could sleep in the bedroom. i said no thanks, that i wasn't going to go back in only to get thrown out again. besides, don't "roommates" sleep in separate rooms anyways?
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After reading through the thread, I see there are a lot of issues, not just the bedroom thing, but I'll just post what I did with this situation.
Both me and my significant other are divorced. She admitted to me when we started living together that with her ex-husband she banned him from the bedroom a lot. Now me and her, we have a fantastic relationship, but even so, I still told her (politely) that she shouldn't ever do that to me. It is OUR house (well, technically mine but I've always reeferred to it as our house) and that means it is OUR bedroom as well. So I told her that if she were to ever lock me out of the bedroom or tell me to go sleep someplace else (without one heck of a fantastic, undenaible reason) that I would leave and put the house up for sale. There is no reason whatsoever why anyone should have to sleep elsewhere outside of medical issues, sleeping issues or something like an affair. I can not understand why any guy (outside of the above reasons) allows himself to be booted from his own bedroom.
The only time someone tells me where to sleep is the undertaker when he sticks me in the dirt.
curious as to how many of you sleep in separate bedrooms and for what reason?
for me, i have been told to sleep in the other room several times and eventually "allowed" to return to the bedroom. this last time, after we had been living like "roommates" for months and virtually sexless we had an argument and she told me to sleep in the other room.
that was five weeks ago. when she had cooled down a few days later, she said i could sleep in the bedroom. i said no thanks, that i wasn't going to go back in only to get thrown out again. besides, don't "roommates" sleep in separate rooms anyways?
what's your take?
This last January she slept in the guest room for 4 weeks. She received counsel from her "christian" counselor and friends that this was the right thing to do. If she ever does that again she will never be allowed back in our bedroom again.
My husband jokes around and tells me that he would sleep better if we slept apart, because I am a bed hog. Lol, but he works third shift so he is gone five nights out of the week, so I sleep on the couch those nights, as I don't like being in bed by myself. But on his days off when he is home at night, no matter how big and huge the fight may be about something we always still sleep together.
Have you tried not fighting, or aruging but talking to her about why she does it? Even though she has gotten physical with you she may run and hide in bedroom out of fear. I know this is bad but I have gotten physical with my husband before too, And after I realized I shoved him repeatedly away from me, I ran off to my bedroom too because at that time, I was worried about what he was going to do. She may also go lock herself in the bedroom out of just wanting the argument to be over. I know sometimes when husband and I argue I am still really pissed off, and don't want to be anywhere near him but I still force myself to get cuddled up to him that night and make it all better.
No matter how bad our fight, we always sleep together.
This.
Sleeping in the same bed is especially good if you're having arguments. Once I'm in bed with H, it's hard to be mad, especially when it's cold and you need the warmth!
That... and if you wake up and you're cuddling, it's a bit weird to be angry at the same time For me, being physically close to my H just makes any anger/annoyance melt away, and it's happened enough that we both now by now to 'hug it out' even if we want to slap the other person silly.
I'm sorry that you have the added pressure of violence from your wife I think it would be best for her to get counselling or some sort of therapy for her drinking (if you think this is the problem?). No one should have to be afraid of their partnet, male or female. You don't deserve that! Try and get to the bottom of it, but remember that as much as your marriage is important to save, your safety comes first, so don't be afraid of calling her out when she become violent. It might even wake her up to her own behaviour.
The only time I sleep apart from my husband is when I *really* need a good night's sleep and his snoring or my restlessness preclude that. Sometimes I leave the bed because I have to get up at 5 AM and his snoring is preventing my sleeping; sometimes it's because I'm tossing & turning and worried that I'm disturbing HIS sleep. Otherwise, I'm in bed with my husband. That's really where I prefer to be and I would NEVER use our bed as weapon. My mother taught me better.
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Re: separate bedrooms 
For me, being physically close to my H just makes any anger/annoyance melt away, and it's happened enough that we both now by now to 'hug it out' even if we want to slap the other person silly.
I think it would be best for her to get counselling or some sort of therapy for her drinking (if you think this is the problem?). No one should have to be afraid of their partnet, male or female. You don't deserve that! Try and get to the bottom of it, but remember that as much as your marriage is important to save, your safety comes first, so don't be afraid of calling her out when she become violent. It might even wake her up to her own behaviour.
