Unaffectionate wife, self devastated.
Ok, so after some reading i've taken the plunge to join.
I'm looking for thoughts, opinions, ideas and general advice.
Married for nearly 13 years, together 15 years, with an 8 year old boy and 1 year old girl.
Life began with perhaps basic sex once a week. My wife is low drive and I would class myself as medium to high.
What can I say, I fell in love with her and thought it was ok.
I found it strange she would kiss, but without tongues, her thinking that was a bit naughty.
The first time we has sex, I went down on her and she stopped me after about a minute or two.
Didn't think anything of it.
Next time, she just said she didn't really like that, so I did not persist not wanting her to do anything she did not want to do.
But I loved her.
She told me she didn't do the BJ thing, so that was off the cards.
Still I loved her and thought that would be ok.
Sex slowed to once a month.
Still I loved her.
We had more sex when she fell pregnant with our son, although looking back it was only a few times before she fell pregnant.
Sex fairly much dried up after that.
But I loved her and I loved my son.
As both being only children ourselves, we decided to have another child.
Again, she fell pregnant quickly, so not much sex.
No sex during pregnancy and following a few complications after, heavy bleeding, we have had sex once in 20 months since our daughter was conceived.
That's not really all though.
I'm an affectionate guy, I like to hug, I like to kiss, I like to touch.
I do this without thinking and without it being a precursor to sex.
It's just how I am.
About 4 years ago, we went through a rough patch where I brought up that she was never affectionate back to me.
Never any time to hug or kiss me, never standing at the window to wave goodbye,
never looking back to wave when she drives off.
But always time to do so for others.
We got it out in the open and things got better affection wise for, well, about 6 months before it started to slip from her perspective.
I didn't notice really at the time as I was still hugging and showing affection plenty.
But I still loved her.
Shortly before our daughter was born I had to move away for work.
I Skyped every night and always took part at the weekends, helping out with both kids and around the house.
I would come back tired, she was tired, but I always had time to hug or kiss her, she never did for me.
We just seemed to co-exist together with her never showing affection.
Since being back home now, I have again been pushed to the bottom of the pile.
It seems as though I am living with a friend, a room-mate or a sister.
Recently I gave up, stopped hugging and kissing.
If I don't give her a goodnight kiss in bed, she never kisses me, ever.
We have talked about this recently, I have explained just how hurt I am.
She said she felt horrible when I didn't hug her.
I said that was how she made me feel all these years by not hugging me.
I even brought up that, having thought back over the years, when we do have sex, she never lets me see her naked and I honestly can't recall when she has even ever touched my 'old man'.
Does she love me? She says she does, but her actions just don't tell me that.
Will she get better? I honestly don't think she has it in her.
Ok, short term maybe, but I feel at my wits end.
I feel hurt and unloved.
I don't even know if I want it to work, but am scared rigid of not seeing the kids regularly.
I've lost hope on the sex front, ok so some kissing, me helping her by hand and then intercourse may occur, but after having the 'whole platter' of sexual activities in pre marriage relationships, can I really not have any of that again, ever?
I just don't know.
I feel totally lost and completely alone in all of this.
If I talk to her, I just get the whole 'splitting up the family' talk, cold shoulder, tears, and the occasional half hearted attempt at some affection.
I just know I can't be in this situation in 6 months or a year or two years.
It is crippling me.
I cant sleep, or eat and my work is suffering.
Do I still love her? well after 15 years and 2 kids, yes I do.
Am I in love with her? I don't think I am.
Thanks for reading.