Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I take offense at the use of vanilla to equate with boring.
So kind of you to come to my defense...
but I'm afraid it's true.
It's probably because I'm somewhat desensitized.
There is no 'better' or 'worse' sex for me, everything
feels pretty much the same with very minor or marginal differences. So if it always feels the same anyways, why bother doing anything different?
Originally Posted by librarydragon
As a husband, what type of intimacy with your wife keeps you anticipating and wanting?
You got me there. Sex has never been that important to me, so if it's not all that important to begin with, then there's little to want.
Honestly in a marriage I don't think the term "vanilla sex" should be used..... It is so offensive, if your having boring sex then chances are you are part of the problem(in general not directed at one person) In my opinion after seeing so many post and threads on here people get hung up on their own selfish needs and wants....If ya'll are both being selfless and truly making love to each other there really shouldn't be boring sex. I just think people look at it and go about it all wrong. Having sex with your spouse shouldnt have to be a porno which is another reason pornos bother me...They pertray what sex should be like and when people watch it they are like oh well our sex must suck cause we aren't doing those things..... (sorry rant over lol)
Learn to be thankful for what you have if you dont like it be the one to lead and change it....You technically don't need more to be thankful
To answer your question and keep off of ranting .. Boring to me would mean having to do the same routine every time. I find my husband likes it when I come into the room with sexy underwear on and a cheesy grin. But I do that once in a blue moon..
The key is......you don't want to overuse something because then it becomes the norm.
In a long-term relationship, what do you consider vanilla sex, and therefore, boring? As a husband, what type of intimacy with your wife keeps you anticipating and wanting? Posted via Mobile Device
Since my wife only permits vanilla a few times a year I think I'm qualified to answer this:
Boring means same thing over and over. Sex was meant to be be the full combination of two people's mind body and spirit. It was meant to be engaged in with our minds and fantasy, not simply a biological act. That said, vanilla does have it's place. I wouldn't want to eat lobster and steak every night for dinner. But variety, including vanilla, is good.
For us, my wife sets the standards on what vanilla is, missionary, and not for too long.
What type of intimacy keeps me anticipating and wanting?
- Her wearing lingerie, especially stockings, outside the bedroom.
- Her telling me she was thinking about me that way.
- Unexpected touches in non-sexual situations
- When we go to do the deed her asking me what I want to do and then doing it.
- Sexy texts with and without pics throughout the day.
- Her telling me she needs me, both sexually and not.
In a long-term relationship, what do you consider vanilla sex, and therefore, boring?
I don't think I can answer you. There isnít anything I consider boring. I feel astonishingly lucky. I get to have sex every now and then with the woman I love. What more could I ask for?
Weíve had the same kind of sex for years. Missionary or variations on missionary, sideways, her on top... and thatís it. I donít have a want anything else. Now, many people might consider this boring, but I donít understand those people - and Iím trying so very, very, hard to understand them - but Iím failing. I donít Ďgetí it. How does a person Ďcreateí desire for other sexual options - when theyíve never had a desire for them?
Originally Posted by committed_guy
Sex was meant to be be the full combination of two people's mind body and spirit.
This is why I'm so confused, because it's exactly what I feel I have already. How am I supposed to top that? =(
Is that what they mean by "same sex marriage", that you keep having the same sex for years?
Seriously, though, my biggest issue is with "duty sex" whereby wife wife would, through her lack of enthusiasm and her body language, basically be telling me "OK, pull out your d*ck, slather some lube on it, and let's get this over with", while she just lays there and looks at her watch. To me that is much worse than "vanilla sex".
Personally, I prefer my sex with chocolate sauce, whipped cream and a cherry on top.
What I consider to be vanilla sex is what I like to call the three-and-out, like in football. We may both be able to climax, but there's no tension beforehand, no passion during, and no intimacy afterwards.
It's not that difficult to fix. All you need to do is be willing to change things a little bit, or find a way to increase your sexual tension through extra flirting beforehand.
Seriously, though, my biggest issue is with "duty sex" whereby wife wife would, through her lack of enthusiasm and her body language, basically be telling me "OK, pull out your d*ck, slather some lube on it, and let's get this over with", while she just lays there and looks at her watch.
Seriously? She looks at her watch during sex? Does she have a meeting at the Governor's mansion that she has to keep?