Husband has gang bang fantasy
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 06-20-2012, 09:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband has gang bang fantasy

My husband of only 7 weeks has fantasies of me in a 'gang bang scenario'. He is a seemingly straightlaced formerly single father. I didn't realize he watched porn until recently and sends me porn featuring a certain girl who resembles me who is always with multiple men. He has repeatedly expressed a desire for me to do this while he watches. Or for me to go out somewhere (gym, massage) give oral sex and have sex with multiple men and then he kiss my mouth with the ejaculate or lick the ejaculate from my private parts.-- I didn't think I wa a prude but this is mind-boggling to me. This turns him on either he embellishing on his fantasy or me telling him of past lovers. Talking about this is very stimulating to him and is the only way he has been able to reach orgasm with me. He has said over and over that he is serious about setting up a situation with multiple men, and asks me if I want it -- but then he will go back on it -- only to ask again and saying he could set it up--- My question is this a common fantasy to want to share one's wife like this?
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Old 06-20-2012, 09:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I think it's common to share uncommon fantasies with your wife. But making fantasy reality is a whole other ball game. Have you told him point blank you're not interested? If so what was his response? Also the fact that he can only get off to this thought is VERY disturbing in my mind.
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Old 06-20-2012, 09:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Wow, I'd feel highly devalued. It's one thing to have the fantasy, it's another to want to set it up for your wife ....and only 7 weeks married?? Oye.

Porn can, and usually does, divide a couple. not all couples, but more often than not, it does. I'm sorry you are going through this
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Old 06-20-2012, 10:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband has gang bang fantasy

It's becoming a more common fantasy because more and more men are addicted to watching this sort of porn.

I don't think watching porn is immoral anymore than having a drink is, but understand that your husband probably watches 10+ hours a week of porn, a lot of this sort. He's basically become sexually calibrated to this level of stimulation and can't get off without it.

Your basic options are (1) demand treatment for him, (2) just walk, or (3) try it out. I believe (1) is the best option.

I would just be completely blunt with him that you aren't going to have sex with other men and if you did, it was because you were leaving the marriage. Plus it's unacceptable to spring this on you immediately after the wedding. He needs to seek help NOW, or it's all over.
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Old 06-20-2012, 10:07 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband has gang bang fantasy

I agree with the above posts... and with the.. it's one thing to have fantasies.. but another to make those fantasies a reality. If your uncomfortable with it.. let him know. You do NOT have to lower your standards on yourself to please him.
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Old 06-20-2012, 10:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Another issue, is now he won't touch me at all. It's so many things going on, I was trying to divide each issue separately so I'd have a better chance of sorting them out in my mind. But I didn't know if this current situation was related to the fantasy. We had a discussion over something very trivial... just a small issue about proper terminolgy that really had nothing to do with us as a couple which was kind of interesting... but made him feel insulted and now he won't touch me.. even when I try to seduce him he gets annoyed. *sigh*
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Old 06-20-2012, 10:18 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Are you sure he is heterosexual?
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Old 06-20-2012, 10:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I definitely thought he was when we got married.
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Old 06-20-2012, 10:23 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I would disagree about the number of marriages that are torn apart by porn. It's no different than any other "negative" behavior; it's only a problem when the spouses can't come to am agreement on what's acceptable. Like alcohol, smoking, etc. Many couples use porn together with no issues at all, and it can spice up their relationship.

Your husband, though... He's got a fantasy that's getting dangerously close to an obsession, since it's the only way he can get off. Fulfilling his fantasy is a dangerous thing, and has a very high risk of destroying your marriage. And I say this as someone who has been to a sex club with his GF, and had a threesome... These things can only work when both people are comfortable and secure in their relationship, and when the communication is VERY good. And your marriage doesn't seem to qualify for that.

When did you find out about the porn, and about the fantasy? The porn may not have driven the fantasy; he might have had the fantasy first and then found the porn to match. How was your sex life before finding out about that? How long did you date before getting married? How have you responded when he talks about your feelings on this fantasy? What have you told him?

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Old 06-20-2012, 10:26 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Do you feel like he did the right things before marriage and is starting to let the crazy out now that he's got you tied down? I'm getting that kind of vibe here. If that's the case he really needs to see someone about all his issues not just the porn related ones. I'm sorry you're going through this, it must be so overwhelming and stressful. Does he seem to care about the impact his feelings have on you or is he more concerned about himself?
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Old 06-20-2012, 10:43 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I'm wondering if your husband isn't harboring some latent homosexual feelings. I can't keep my hands off my wife even if I'm mad at her. Him wanting to lick the ejaculate off your lips (both sets) just feels kind of gay to me. Sorry folks, that's just my opinion.
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Old 06-20-2012, 11:06 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Ahh....Geez.What is it with guys (other than myself) Here we go again.

BAD IDEA!!!! DON'T DO IT!!! IT WILL END YOUR MARRIAGE!!!!

nuff said.
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Old 06-20-2012, 11:19 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Your husband would really benefit from therapy to dig into why he has these feelings. I mean this very seriously. This isn't a simple thing he is into, it's become an obsession that he needs to visit to have sex. That's really crossing the healthy fantasy line. He needs professional help or otherwise this will tear your marriage apart.
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Old 06-20-2012, 11:41 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I hope you kept the receipt.
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Old 06-21-2012, 12:04 AM   #15 (permalink)
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The marriage is over. I know this sounds unbelievable. I'm sure people make up stuff like this al the time. But my husband came down here to argue with me about me having the light on and wasting electricity, even though I'm sitting in the room. Used that as an excuse to call me inconsiderate and selfish. And said I had left a knife on the counter which meant I had no concern for the welfare of his children. He then 'divorced' me three times by saying he divorces me. This subject of the fantasy never came up, but... I'm thinking erratic behavior... crazy fantasy... I really don't know how to put it together.
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