Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
Freaking Absoluetely !!! I've cried many tears over how it must have been for him --once a damn week for years on end.
My only opinion is .. I really think Low drivers ought to marry Low drivers and High drivers marry high drivers...or at the very least Pleasers without an attitude . And don't suffer in silence like my husband (too much of a nice guy)..he could have had so much more, I always loved pleasure.
A marriage is not worth being miserable over something as glorious & all consuming as SEX , Love making is heaven........noone gets marreid to play with themselves and go Solo 50% of the time... what the hell fun is that !@#$%
It IS too important...for some.. I wouldn't belittle those people, those hormones DO affect us in many many ways, I got a hell of a taste of that, and I get "MEN".... I'd leave a marrage over sex ...and I'm a woman.
I wouldn't cheat (my mouth is too big for that)...but I would dump a spouse over it and I wouldn't feel bad about it either. Once a week would NEVER freaking NEVER be enough for me when I was HIGH drive. SO I can see why it isn't for many men, they would have been better to leave.
Pretty damn happy my own husband understands me. He is hardly worrried I feel this strongly cause he is a Pleaser by nature and loves the act as much as I do.
I feel soooooo bad for those lacking in this.... their choices are damn hard when kids enter the mix.
Lol Simply.. at least you would leave rather then cheat. Now with the case of my H and I.. it's kinda the other way around... like I stated before.. he would state he needed a break lol .. of course when i first got pregnant my drive went down to 0.. then he started missing the 3 times a day sex.. lol
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
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Originally Posted by mina
If my DH ever cheated the first thing I would think is "what did I not do that he needed done?" and "was there something he wanted and didn't tell me about that he didn't feel comfortable asking me for?". Those would both be on me if they had legit answers. But because those would be my first questions, I do all I can to make sure he'd never have a good answer for either. I can't say that because of this he'd never cheat but it's a pretty darn good start.
Well my hubby did cheat, and the first thing I thought was how angry I was at HIM for being a selfish bast@rd. No woman should have to spend her life doing things to keep her husband from cheating on her. The things I do now are because I WANT to do them, because I want him to be happy. Period. not because I want him to be happy so he doesn't cheat. Frankly, I don't really care if he cheats again, intellectually - if he does, we're done, end of story. He knows this, so if he makes that choice again, it'll be a clean break.
I'm in this relationship for ME, I guess you could say, because it makes ME happy. Doing things for him, that make him happy, are returned to me. Ergo, I want him to be happy.
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
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Originally Posted by Almostrecovered
nice of you to support the sex slavery industry
these women at the rub and tug joints (mostly Asian or Eastern European women) are taken the US with promises of a better life, have their passports taken and essentially indentured to tug on your weenie in massage parlors (and some will go further to get out of their debt faster as BJ's and other options = more $$) to pay their way out of the trap. Add the the fact that they also have to use that money to pay "rent" and facility use and supplies, etc.
Just when I think you couldn't get more awesome, you post this. You sir take my breath away with your consistent insight and bang on observations.
Just about every one of those "establishments" are engaged in human trafficking and forced prostitution. Just because they do it with a smile on their face doesn't mean they are happy. In fact, they are forced to smile or face beatings, rape, families back home threatened, etc. It is a sick and dark underworld and these women and oftentimes children are never able to escape.
I won't comment on the cheating aspect but it does bother me greatly that you visited places like this. Perhaps you didn't know, as many do not. Hopefully armed with this information you can make better decisions. This isn't a victimless crime. It contributes to global slavery of women.
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
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Originally Posted by Therealbrighteyes
Just about every one of those "establishments" are engaged in human trafficking and forced prostitution. Just because they do it with a smile on their face doesn't mean they are happy. In fact, they are forced to smile or face beatings, rape, families back home threatened, etc. It is a sick and dark underworld and these women and oftentimes children are never able to escape.
Really?
I`ve known more than my fair share of massage girls and they were all young American women supplementing their stripper jobs.
Not saying it doesn`t happen just saying it isn`t as prevalent as implied in this thread.
At least where I`m from.
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
they are very prevalent in the NE at least- they are called AMP's by the Johns (asian massage parlors). They only advertise in weekly fliers and yellow pages or seedy internet places to try to keep a low profile. There was a big scandal almost 10 years ago in Philly where government workers were using their city credit cards at these places. Yet that same place popped up again after it was shut down, that particular place probably has been busted and reopened at least 10 times
Hell there's even one that's a 2 minute drive from my house now that I grabbed and looked at a weekly flier in the mail, and I live in the conservative suburbs
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
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Originally Posted by tacoma
Really?
I`ve known more than my fair share of massage girls and they were all young American women supplementing their stripper jobs.
Not saying it doesn`t happen just saying it isn`t as prevalent as implied in this thread.
At least where I`m from.
I guess that really depends on where you live. Here in Houston it is nearly 100% trafficked girls/women and so prevalent we have an entire task force set up to shut these places down. When raided, the front always looks fairly normal (where customers are serviced) the back however is little more than cots to sleep on, a 2 burner cook top and these women have had their passports stolen from them, their "fees" are $2 for ramen noodles, $10 for a box of tampons and every thing from tap water to using a towel is charged to them. The fee they have to pay off on average is $30,000. Houston (sadly) is #1 in the U.S for these kinds of places. You hear about these stories all the time and as one shuts down, another crops up. It is slavery Tacoma, flat out slavery.
Sorry to threadjack, this just really hits close to home. OP, hopefully you and your wife are able to have a better future. Just please don't go back to your old ways. It is a terrible plight for these women and they never saw it coming.
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
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Originally Posted by Gaia
Lol Simply.. at least you would leave rather then cheat. Now with the case of my H and I.. it's kinda the other way around... like I stated before.. he would state he needed a break lol .. of course when i first got pregnant my drive went down to 0.. then he started missing the 3 times a day sex.. lol
Glad you can give me a . I ENVY YOU both to have experienced that rushing "3 times a day".... I never lived it and never will. I allowed our time to pass, I never knew how much that would have meant to him back then. He doesn't blame me but I still hurt thinking about it sometimes.
I think alot like Mina who is getting a bad wrap here... I feel we should always look to our hand in all things....closely examine if our actions or NON actions ..if they set up a downward path that slowly led to our husbands feeling like a dog chained in the desert thirsting for a drink of water.
I believe I could forgive a man if I trampled and outright slaughted his needs, a habitual rejector and he fell into the arms of another. To say I'd be as innocent as a dove -if I treated my husband like that (knowing how he felt)..... I just wouldn't agree.
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
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Originally Posted by Maricha75
Tell me, does your wife know you got these 'releases' at that massage parlor? I'm willing to bet that she doesn't. And, if that is the case, what would she say NOW?
Sex isn't important ONLY to men. We women need that release as well. Getting a HJ or BJ from someone other than your wife is CHEATING. You could have masturbated instead. Instead of leaving your wife, you cheated on her. Don't try to blame her for it either. You had a choice: leave her because her drive was so low, deal with it (but masturbate to relieve the stress), or cheat... you chose the last one.
Unbelievable.
You are right, Maricha75.
He should have dumped her years ago.
Had I known how things really were with my marriage, I would have been gone long before she had the first guy's child.
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
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Originally Posted by SprucHub
I am defensive of the OP because I know, sort of, what he endured. Your statement contradicts his. You are your husband's lover, his best friend, someone he can communicate with. So, he would never cheat - of course, why would he. Picture instead if you were prudish and could not and would not talk about sex (and his needs, wants and desires), rejected his advances for years (literally), never complimented him, took his efforts for granted, made clear that any sex was pity/chore sex by telling him to hurry up and not kissing him, etc. All the while he was a "nice guy", doing more than his share of the work around the home, being respectful, making money, doing all that is asked.
You might say that you'd never do those things. THAT IS THE POINT, that is why your husband would not cheat and would be completely wrong in doing so.
I agree. I, in fact, will state it more bluntly: a person not meeting his or her spouse's sexual needs has no legitimate right to exclusivity or monogamy.
Sexual satisfaction and monogamy are linked to each other within marriage. The vast majority of people don't get married to be monks or nuns; we don't say "I will commit myself to you even if you completely ignore my sexual needs". The agreement is "I dedicate myself to you because I trust you will be a good steward of my body and provide for my fulfillment".
When a spouse (the wife in this case) renegs on her part of the deal, she forfeits the right to exclusivity. The standard in marriage is the sexual satisfaction of your spouse, not (as some would claim) merely refraining from sex outside the marriage. And, merely having some sex does not count. She cannot legitimately say "he does get some sex so he should be happy".
As I noted elsewhere, I had significant opportunities to cheat during my marriage. I am pragmatic and refused to cheat because of my own moral code and how I would feel if I did so. Towards the end of my marriage I wanted also to be able to look my daughter in the eye and say I tried my best. I absolutely did not consider how my ex would be hurt by my decision to cheat because, being the long-term refuser that she was, she had forfeited any right to express an opinion.
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
Glad you can give me a . I ENVY YOU both to have experienced that rushing "3 times a day".... I never lived it and never will. I allowed our time to pass, I never knew how much that would have meant to him back then. He doesn't blame me but I still hurt thinking about it sometimes.
I think alot like Mina who is getting a bad wrap here... I feel we should always look to our hand in all things....closely examine if our actions or NON actions ..if they set up a downward path that slowly led to our husbands feeling like a dog chained in the desert thirsting for a drink of water.
I believe I could forgive a man if I trampled and outright slaughted his needs, a habitual rejector and he fell into the arms of another. To say I'd be as innocent as a dove -if I treated my husband like that (knowing how he felt)..... I just wouldn't agree.
I seriously doubt YOU of all people trampled anyones needs. Now sure the sex may not have been that often... for you two in the beginning but you did at least try to your best ability to satisfy his needs as I'm sure he did with you right? And yeah people don't get married to become celibate... I've no idea why people are bringing THAT up ... however.. going that route.. people don't get married soley for SEX either. There is more to a relationship then that imo. Now to some of you.. I know sex like... what... 8 times or less a year is very low by HD standards... I really think those of us falling into the HD category should try to see things from the LD's perspective as well... not just from our own. I just see to much bashing on LD's and claims that they simply refuse... some may refuse.. sure... but I highly doubt all LD people intend to hurt their HD partner or even realize how their HD partner feels since in most cases.. I'm sure the HD doesn't communicate it too well and vice versa. Like I've stated before.. relationships take work and communication between spouses, compromises, ect are all very important.. and if things seem like... "It's more work then it's worth.." Then I think leaving and moving on to someone more compatible is better then getting some on the side. The entire cheating thing is sneaky, sly, and outright disgraceful imo. There is no honesty in it whatsoever and it's very deceitful.. that's just the way i see it.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
I must have missed that part in the wedding vows. I promise to love , honor and cherish you. Forsaking all others unless you don't give me any then I can do what I want because our marriage is null and void.
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is?
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Originally Posted by pidge70
I must have missed that part in the wedding vows. I promise to love , honor and cherish you. Forsaking all others unless you don't give me any then I can do what I want because our marriage is null and void.
I kind of see refusing to have sex with your spouse as violating the love and cherish parts.
That being said, one spouse refusing to have sex does not give the other license to cheat. It does, however, provide a perfectly fine reason to file for divorce.
563Likes
Re: Ladies...If your arent having sex with your Husband...who is? 
. I ENVY YOU both to have experienced that rushing "3 times a day".... I never lived it and never will. 
I allowed our time to pass, I never knew how much that would have meant to him back then. He doesn't blame me but I still hurt thinking about it sometimes. 
