Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I said something mean to my husband and hurt his feelings.
Here's the scenario:
My brother-in-law is the real-life version of the 40 year old virgin (he is almost 30). Both in that he is actually a virgin, has never had a girlfriend in his life, is socially awkward, a big gamer "nerd", etc.
He recently joined a dating website and met a girl, and they have seemed to hit it off, have been out on 10 or so dates.
My husband is constantly riding his brother's butt everytime he mentions this girl saying piggish things like "Have you banged her yet" and stuff like that. I find it rude and I know BIL is very insecure and self conscious about his V status and also that he has no idea what he's doing trying to forge a relationship with this girl.
My husband said something in front of his brother like "Do you even know HOW to bang a girl?" - something dumb and rude to him about his inexperience.
I then spoke up and said "Oh whatever, it's not like YOU were a real stallion when we got together. I remember a few times thinking WTF is this guy doing when you were trying to make moves on me. You had no idea what you were doing either."
And then H shut up, I saw I embarassed him, and I felt stupid for saying that in front of his brother. I was really just reacting to the fact that he wouldn't stop riding his brothers a$$ (he says I dont know what the brother relationship is like - I am an only child).
Anyway - H has got his ego bruised. I really don't think he's bad in bed or anything, but what I said was true that he was very inexperienced when we got together. What do I do to dislodge my foot from my mouth. I apologized, had sex with him that night, and told him I enjoy our sex life but he still seems a little miffed.
HAHAHAHAHAHa... Hey don't worry about it. My advice is ride that pony and tell him everything you love about it. Do this a few times and he will get over it. They are brothers so they are used to ragging on each other. He is just pouting.
If you had a private chat with him it would not have stopped it. It would have just tamed it for a short time. You could seize the opportunity and say look if you would try this... insert your fantasy here... and said it would really make you change your mind. I think you could really get something good outta this. YEa consider it a twofer.
That is trouble with some people -- they can dish it out --but can't take it back. Frankly I think your husband is a bully to his brother and is acting like a 12 year old IMO.
as a man i don't think you did anything too wrong. sure it stung but if was ONLY in front of his brother and not others then it is not a huge deal. he needed to shut up, i guess a private chat would have been better.
Really? Having your sexual prowess attacked and your ego crushed by your wife in front of your brother is no big deal? Ouch. I'd likely withdraw into a cocoon for a couple weeks. That said, I think the only thing that will fix this is time. He'll get over it eventually.
I agree he had it coming. But really, I don't think he had it coming from his wife. A wife is "trusted" with way too much high powered ammunition in a conversation like this. By using this ammunition against him you violated that trust. It's pretty close to equivalent to saying he's got a small package. His brother can say he has a small package. So can his dad. Even an ex. But his wife??? Unacceptable.
I agree he had it coming. But really, I don't think he had it coming from his wife. A wife is "trusted" with way too much high powered ammunition in a conversation like this. By using this ammunition against him you violated that trust. It's pretty close to equivalent to saying he's got a small package. His brother can say he has a small package. So can his dad. Even an ex. But his wife??? Unacceptable.
Totally disagree. If your spouse can't tell you when you are being an asswh*le -- especially to his brother -- who can.
If her husband can dish and bully -- he needs to learn how to take it back. Her husband probably bullied his brother his whole life -- and it still doing it. IMO
Never said she couldn't tell him he's being an assh*le. In fact I encourage her to tell him that. What I said was that she shouldn't use the information she has on their personal sexlife to embarrass and emasculate him. He's her husband. Not some random guy she can disrespect.
I agree with Working and Aristotle. As his wife, you are the one who knows the most about him sexually. He's vulnerable in this regard. I know that I would feel very hurt and embarrassed if my husband commented on my climaxing issues and LD, for example. It's just a very private issue.
At the same time, I do not think you should beat yourself up about it. We have ALL said things that we shouldn't at times. You recognize the mistake, and you've apologized. He should accept your apology and move on. Maybe he realizes how his brother felt embarrassed as well. If it were me, I would try to uplift my husband with compliments/admiration/encouragement. You can re-build that ego!
If I was ragging my brother about anything, that would be between us. He was my brother before my wife came along.
Guys ragging each other is a more complex ritual than it seems. If my wife insulted our sex life, while standing up for another man, I'd be pissed off too.
You apologized. Once is enough. You may need to let him vent it out at a later time.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
12Likes 
Foot in mouth...help! 
