Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I've been married to my second wife for 7 years. We have been together for 9. The relationship is dead or at the very least, on life support. We haven't had any kind of sexual contact for over 2 years and it began to decline about a year before that. In a discussion during the declining period, when I expressed my displeasure with the lack of sex, she told me (for the first time since we had met) that she doesn't really enjoy sex and never has. That statement instantly killed my desire to be with her. I felt like she had betrayed me in some way because for the first 5-6 years of our relationship, she surely never let on that she didn't enjoy it. I would consider myself to be HD and I have simply moved on to self stimulation. The marriage is gone and I just haven't found the courage yet to move on for my own well being, but I am just curious if anyone has any insight to why this happened? I have long held the belief that sex is 90% mental and 10% physical. I don't need her for the physical part, it's the mental/emotional connection that is missing
Many people on her will tell you that that it is your fault. You didn't treat you wife properly, you didn't speak her language of love, you didn't make her feel special etc....which is why she lost all interest in sex...with YOU.
The fact is, is that there are women in the world who do simply lose interest in sex. Its got nothing to do with their spouse, their hormones, possible previous abuse etc.
I have absolutely NO interest in football/soccer, I don't care who wins the European cup nor am I remotely interested in trying to be interested!
Some women have the same attitude towards sex. I'm also married to one of them.
Don't blame it on yourself. Next step...??....entirely up to you. You could stay and accept the situation and seek sexual relief elsewhere - either DIY or.....
Or you divorce and put yourself back on the market.
Only you can decide. But don't let ANYONE tell you its your fault.
Pretended she loved sex to impress you and whip you, then once she got you hooked on the line, you married her. After she was secure in life with her marriage, she showed you her true colors. Very common around here.
Sorry to hear you caught one of those. I remember when women would love to like football or some "man" sport just to make guys think she was a great catch..... just to show her true colors after she caught you. Same concept.
I remember when women would love to like football or some "man" sport just to make guys think she was a great catch..... just to show her true colors after she caught you. Same concept.
My current fiancee did that with hockey (I'm Canadian) when we first sarted dating. Came to every game for a full year just to sit with me.
Then she stopped coming. I made sure to let her know don't do that again on anything or we are done. I want to date someone for who they are, not for who they pretend to be. She hasn't bait and switched on me since (and I assume she never will or I wouldn't be marrying her).
If the marriage has gone that far south, you have nothing to lose by sitting her down and telling her that unless there is a sexual component to the marriage, it can't continue.
Ask her to make an effort, either by seeking outside help such as seeing a doctor or therapist, or finding some erotica or porn on-line in order to help stimulate interest.
If she isn't interested in trying, it's up to you to make the next move.
I remember when women would love to like football or some "man" sport just to make guys think she was a great catch..... just to show her true colors after she caught you. Same concept.
Damn, I was just the opposite... it wasn't until AFTER we got married that I began to enjoy NASCAR, MMA, and other sports he likes watching. We differ on basketball, but both dislike baseball... and hockey? No way. Sorry kingsfan.
Damn, I was just the opposite... it wasn't until AFTER we got married that I began to enjoy NASCAR, MMA, and other sports he likes watching. We differ on basketball, but both dislike baseball... and hockey? No way. Sorry kingsfan.
Then it's a good thing we never got together. that would have been a deal breaker
Gadget, get her to a doctor and a therapist.
If they say there's nothing wrong with her.
Get your self to a therapist, for allowing the controlling B**ch put you through this for so long.
My B&S was over movies. I love going to them, watching them at home, she even knew dating me I had a projector and sound system and told her they werent takimg second fiddle to marriage...if one of the bedrooms wasnt big enough for a home theater room, then one of the living room walls was gonna be the screen area which means, no picture or mirror hanging on said wall. Oh, okay honey....huh..she must have thought I just joking.
And I only insist on watching movies at home 1 - 2x a week and about every other week going to the show...which is followed by a nice dinner out. If thats extreme for a woman, TOO - DAMN - BAD
I am going to be the contrarian here, and suggest that you get to the bottom of this, either through a long, intense discussion with your wife, or through marriage counseling.
How is the rest of your relationship? Do you spend time together doing things that you both enjoy? Have you resolved hidden resentments? Is your communication open and honest? Is there a power struggle that has not been resolved?
I think that most sexual problems mask unresolved relationship issues. Why doesn't she want to meet your needs? Try everything that you can to save your marriage. If she really does not like sex and has indeed been dishonest with you, then you will know that it is time to see a lawyer.
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What's your take? 
