Chat Line- cheating or not?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 06-26-2012, 09:43 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Chat Line- cheating or not?

Hi All,

Reading another thread on this forum prompted me to ask what you think of the following:


If a married person uses sex chat lines as an 'extra' to sex with their spouse, would you consider to be cheating? e.g. a HD partner does this to avoid pestering their LD partner for sex.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:16 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

Why not.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:18 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

Is the LD spouse aware of the chat line and is there full disclosure of what is said/written? Is the LD spouse in approval of this?

If so, then it's not cheating. If not, then yes, I think so.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:19 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

My take is if you would not do it with, tell or show your spouse it is cheating. I know I am pretty black and white about this
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:20 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

most people would consider this cheating

unless your spouse has given you explicit permission to do so then I would say it is safe to assume that sex chat won't sit well with the other (and if that person is hiding it, then they most certainly know it is wrong)
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:23 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

Anytime you involve someone else "sexually or emotionally" be it in person or online, and your S/O doesn't know about it or approve of it, it is cheating. That's just IMHO though.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

Yes. Sex chat lines, sexting, phone sex with anyone, emailing racy photos of self, and receiving racy photos from someone you correspond with, IMs.

Really, why is it so difficult to understand that seeking attention to meet needs, outside the marriage, it is cheating. When the LD is withholding sex, it is cheating...not cheating ON, but cheating OUT OF. When the HD spouse seeks it outside the marriage, it is cheating ON the other spouse.

If it isn't something you would do in front of your spouse, you shouldn't do it. If you would call these chat lines in front of your spouse, and he/she would be ok with it, by all means, do so. But if you know it would hurt them, why would you do that if you actually love them? That makes absolutely no sense.

Please note, I do not think it right for the LD spouse to withhold. I also think it is wrong for a LD spouse not to go get checked out and, if there is a viable solution to the problem... FIX IT! But if the LD spouse is intentionally withholding just to be spiteful, I would suggest separating, and likely divorcing. I know, harder with kids in the mix. But the kids can see when the parents are unhappy. They know. And staying in a marriage like that "for the kids" shows them the wrong marital dynamic...and I know of many who have resented their parents for that.

Sorry, got on a tangent. But, yes, I would view calling sex chat lines as cheating.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

Sorry, got on a tangent. But, yes, I would view calling sex chat lines as cheating.[/QUOTE]



LOL- no worries . It is interesting to hear all of your replies. I do also agree that it would be wrong to do this if your spouse does not know/approve of it.

I know its of a similar nature, but do people think this is 'worse' than using porn? (as in more of a definite way of cheating on your partner?)
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:43 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bizzy79 View Post
Sorry, got on a tangent. But, yes, I would view calling sex chat lines as cheating.


LOL- no worries . It is interesting to hear all of your replies. I do also agree that it would be wrong to do this if your spouse does not know/approve of it.

I know its of a similar nature, but do people think this is 'worse' than using porn? (as in more of a definite way of cheating on your partner?)[/QUOTE]

I think it's 100x's worse than porn, unless it's interacting porn, then it's on the same page as the sex chat lines. The point is INTERACTING with people. You're not interacting with a Hustler or Playboy magazine or even videos on the internet. You (the general you, not you you) ARE interacting with sex chat operators, web cammers and IM's/private facebook messages/etc of that nature. Be it stranger or friend.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

I think it's 100x's worse than porn, unless it's interacting porn, then it's on the same page as the sex chat lines. The point is INTERACTING with people. You're not interacting with a Hustler or Playboy magazine or even videos on the internet. You (the general you, not you you) ARE interacting with sex chat operators, web cammers and IM's/private facebook messages/etc of that nature. Be it stranger or friend.[/QUOTE]



It's quite interesting what people consider cheating, and also what cheating is 'worse' that others. I have read many people say 'cheating is cheating' lol
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:49 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

and youre asking out of curiosity or because of what has happened in relationship?
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

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Originally Posted by Almostrecovered View Post
and youre asking out of curiosity or because of what has happened in relationship?
Purely out of curiosity. I was reading another thread on here (about denying your partner sex, then masturbating), which make me think of this. I have seen tv channels advertising chat lines but not called them.

Although my wife and I have had lots of issues with sex in the past, we are currently having more sex than ever (because we are trying for a baby, but still!)
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:56 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

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Originally Posted by bizzy79 View Post
LOL- no worries . It is interesting to hear all of your replies. I do also agree that it would be wrong to do this if your spouse does not know/approve of it.

I know its of a similar nature, but do people think this is 'worse' than using porn? (as in more of a definite way of cheating on your partner?)
This is gonna come across as odd, I think, considering what people know about my views of porn, in general... but yes, I agree with SaU. It is MUCH worse than porn. I view porn as a betrayal, more than anything....again, unless there is an understanding between the couple. The thing is, I don't go straight to cheating on everything. Some, I just view as a betrayal, if it is done in secrecy, hidden completely from the spouse.

That said, I can speak for myself on these things, but really, whether something is considered cheating or not is up to the individual(s) involved in the situation.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:57 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

Well for myself, anything involving another interacting person, in person or on the interwebz, and you hide it from your spouse/SO, then it's cheating. And I have no tolerance of it. I have no problems with porn, don't care if my SO looks at it, masturbates to it, etc. But I would be very angry if he was cybering/sexting/web camming/speaking sexually with friends/screwing some chick on the side/having an EA/ETC. That would float over like a lead balloon and he would no longer be my SO.

To me there is no worse cheating, cheating is cheating, and in any way, shape or form would make me single again.
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Old 06-26-2012, 01:25 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Chat Line- cheating or not?

It's all fun and games till you find out the sexting chat is with someone ten minutes away?
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