Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Are there intimacy issues in your marriage? Are you guys constantly joking with each other and have good communication? Do you let each other do things to yourselves because it feels good for the other person, though not so much for you? Without some history, it's hard to know what to say.
But, I'll say this....if you guys have a "cokky-funny" relationship, communicate well, like to joke around and throw the occassional barb at each other, and your intimacy is fine...forget about it. Were it me, I'd likely continue after a smart azzed comment about "hey, I can stop any time cupcake! I'm tired of my hands smelling like odor eaters anyway! You don't like it, then it's a win-win baby!" At which time my W would say something like "OMG, I'm joking, please don't stop!!!!!"
Or, a small chance that it really bothers her and does not feel good, and she's trying to tell you this in a not so constructive way. In that case, were it me, she'd get a "pass" on the "chit test", but we would have a little chat about being a litte better at communicating.
If she's passive-aggressive, and belittles you, there is no intimacy, then I'd consider this a "chit test". Who doesn't love foot rubs? Come on! But she's taking something she likes and is trying to make you feel like she's doing you a favor? Ok, just stop. Don't rub her feet again until she begs for it. "Sorry, didn't know I was bothering you, if you don't appreciate it, I'll just stop. Problem solved babe". And then do it (stop). Do not even consider it again until she's asked for it and apologized for being an unappreciative, chit testing, thankless....uhm...woman.
That's like a woman or a man saying "I let you give oral because I know you love it". Uhm, yeah...I do, but not so much that I need to feel like you're doing me a favor by "letting" me do it!!!!
Ladies, what does that mean?
Likely it means what she said and what you intrepretated it's being done becase you like it. No different to me than how you likely often do things for her that you don't want.
Perhaps I am just really bad at giving a foot massage, but how unpleasant could it be?
There are some things that people don't like no matter what. No different than how getting a glob of semen on the face isn't technically unpleasant however many straight guys would consider it unpleasant if they had semen sprayed onto their face.
Even if she is not really into it, is it too much to expect that she'd make an effort to meet me on my terms in this area? Verbal and non-verbal communication that says that she's just putting up with something that she finds unpleasant is not meeting me on my terms, in my opinion.
Seems you want her to grin it & bear it and put on an act of false enjoyment for you akin to how porn generally shows the gal enjoying everything done to her for male ego and satisfication of validating his desires not actual consideration of pleasing her. Why not try something that you both enjoy rather than have her meet you on your terms?
I can't help but think how she would react if I said to her, "I spend time with you because I know you like it" or "I say I love you because I know you like it."
"I spend time with you because I know you like it" is comparable to me as it seems many guys don't like spending time with a gal unless it's sexual. However "I say I love you because I know you like it." isn't comparable to me unless you dislike saying I love you.
Okay, so experiment conducted and the results are: EPIC FAIL!!!
I heard her get home from work and I called her up to the bedroom. I was standing there in my best GQ pose with my unit hanging out. She came in the room and I said, "I'll let you touch it because I know you like it." She looked at it, then she looked at me...turned, shook her head and walked out. As she was going down the stairs she yelled back "You need professional help."
Apparently, she had a bad day at work....mabe I should have massaged her feet......
LOL...Crossbar, I have to thank you for putting a smile on my face. If my husband did that for me he'd be on his back so fast with me on top that his head would swim...(I make it a point to not let work get to me)
Not only do I not understand some women here, I also dont get how men and women when confronted with some issue no matter how small, instead of dealing with it head on and simply asking their spouse what they meant by saying, doing, xyz...they run onto a forum and ask others what to do?
It means "I see you as needy and weak and I'm not attracted to you".
I think what you have to say is
"Wife, I'm glad you told me you don't like when I rub your feet. All this time I thought you liked it. You are really a wonderful wife because you obviously want to do things you don't like just because I like them. So rather than rub your feet, I'm going to rub your ***** from now on, that is what i'd really like".
Okay, so experiment conducted and the results are: EPIC FAIL!!!
I heard her get home from work and I called her up to the bedroom. I was standing there in my best GQ pose with my unit hanging out. She came in the room and I said, "I'll let you touch it because I know you like it." She looked at it, then she looked at me...turned, shook her head and walked out. As she was going down the stairs she yelled back "You need professional help."
Apparently, she had a bad day at work....mabe I should have massaged her feet......
The experiment was flawed, a statistical sample size of 1 is insufficient data for reaching a conclusion. You must attempt this at least 3 times before there is sufficient data for reaching a conclusion regarding the original hypothesis.
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The thread linked below is about as close as I get to my story, it has my posts about the point where I turned my marriage around and on the day my wife was planning to move out, instead we started a new beginning. I've been keeping my updates in this thead as well: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...-sex-life.html
Okay, so experiment conducted and the results are: EPIC FAIL!!!
I heard her get home from work and I called her up to the bedroom. I was standing there in my best GQ pose with my unit hanging out. She came in the room and I said, "I'll let you touch it because I know you like it." She looked at it, then she looked at me...turned, shook her head and walked out. As she was going down the stairs she yelled back "You need professional help."
Apparently, she had a bad day at work....mabe I should have massaged her feet......
Yikes, how uncalled for by her. I could see and even appreciate if she bust out laughing and said, honey, its been a long day but I will reward your efforts later, etc...but THAT response?
Id be calling Charlie Sheen and asking for his prostitute book.
I love to give foot massages but my husband has let me know he hates for me to touch his feet..The ONLY reason I woudl even WANT to give him a foot massage is KNOWING it brought him some sort of comfort or pleasure..therefore I have no interest in asking him to let me do it anyway and for him to "pretend" he doesnt hate it...instead act like it feels good and hes enjoying it..it defeats the entire purpose for why i woudl want to give him the foot massage in the first place..which woud be knowign its deisred by him..
Ide rather do something else for him that i know is pleasing to him.If Im going ot expend the energy to be of service then I woudl like for it to actually SERVE him something that meets a desire of his...
The experiment was flawed, a statistical sample size of 1 is insufficient data for reaching a conclusion. You must attempt this at least 3 times before there is sufficient data for reaching a conclusion regarding the original hypothesis.
Well, it's ALWAYS going to be flawed because there is NO WAY IN HELL I'm going to introduce a control group!
i like feet love my wifes feet my wife loves foot massages. I give her a foot massage at least a few times a week. Past girlfriends i had liked foot massages. I have met or heard few women who dont like them or dont like attention given to their body or feet.
I'll bet that her love language is acts of service rather than touch.
No more foot massages for her. Try fixing something around the house, helping with chores, or doing something practical that she enjoys. She should not have been so thoughtless in her choice of words to you, but I'll also bet that she tends to be a blunt person.
This could either be a joke or she is trying to tell you it is not that important to her.
I like giving my wife a back rub because she likes it. In fairness many of us men do these things because they lead to sex. In that case you are both getting something out of it.
I can't imagine not enjoying a foot massage unless as others have stated she has issues.
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Re: So my wife says to me... 
