Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I am a 34yr F with a fairly heathy sexual drive. My husband is 53yr with a decent drive as well albeit a bit more traditional. We've been married 13yrs in which I have mostly initiated, pleased and/or satisfied. I suggest new positions, places to touch/tickle/kiss. The sex has never been stellar for me but I love him enough to continue to try.
I've talked to him about my lack of satisfaction numerous times & various different ways. The next time we get together it's great...then we meet again 3-4wks later and we're back to the same.
Recently, we've been close to the 'actual' intercourse and he's gone limp. In all our years it hadn't happened...now it's happened 3x since April. I took it personal and asked him about it (after I still satisfied him). There are no answers & most recently not even a response. I got so frustrated, I wrote him a note telling him 'enough already'. If we can't enjoy sex and he won't talk...I no longer want any intimacy. Not to even kiss or touch me. The talking had become futile and I didn't want to cry in front of him. {I thought missing me would make him realize how serious this was}.
I was wrong. It hasn't even fazed him. Now I'm crying more than ever (when he's not home). It hurts to think he doesn't miss me. Looking for answers, I came accross a post by Rusko where he states he is no longer atracted to his wife. Boy did that hurt to read. Compelled me ask for advice.
What do I do now? I feel like an @ss talking about something he doesn't seem to care about. He seems perfectly happy. I got by masturbating (to satisfy & not leave marriage)...today I attempted and cried. So not fair how much control he has over my pleasure & seemingly doesn't care.
I don't want a divorce. I don't want another man. I want us to be closer. I want it more often. I want better quality.
Okay, I'm not a guy, but I think you handled this in exactly the wrong way.
He's 53. There are going to be times when he cannot perform, no matter how much he wants to. And instead of being understanding and understated and not making a big deal out of it, you threw a fit and made it all about you. So now he has a complex about it, which is pretty much the worst for sexual function -- amirite, guys?
I think you need to apologize to him for being insensitive. But that's just me.
Okay, I'm not a guy, but I think you handled this in exactly the wrong way.
He's 53. There are going to be times when he cannot perform, no matter how much he wants to. And instead of being understanding and understated and not making a big deal out of it, you threw a fit and made it all about you. So now he has a complex about it, which is pretty much the worst for sexual function -- amirite, guys?
I think you need to apologize to him for being insensitive. But that's just me.
Okay, I'm not a guy, but I think you handled this in exactly the wrong way.
He's 53. There are going to be times when he cannot perform, no matter how much he wants to. And instead of being understanding and understated and not making a big deal out of it, you threw a fit and made it all about you. So now he has a complex about it, which is pretty much the worst for sexual function -- amirite, guys?
I think you need to apologize to him for being insensitive. But that's just me.
Other opinions?
He's getting older. You're going to need to be sensitive about it or it's going to get way worse. Nothing kills a boner more than worrying about maintaining it.
He could be developing ED. You need to talk to him. ED is very emasculating,and can cause depression, and other things. You need to first consult a doctor and see if there is a medical reason he can't stay up. He might be embarrassed and feel like less than a man. He probably feels like crap. Stop being mean and tell him you love him and be open to getting his manhood back.
If after the doctors visit and you have good news that everything is fine in his pipes then it could be stress related. It could be any number of things. The title of your post says it all. We can't fix your marriage only you can. You need to speak to him and find out where his head is at.
Okay, I'm not a guy, but I think you handled this in exactly the wrong way.
He's 53. There are going to be times when he cannot perform, no matter how much he wants to. And instead of being understanding and understated and not making a big deal out of it, you threw a fit and made it all about you. So now he has a complex about it, which is pretty much the worst for sexual function -- amirite, guys?
I think you need to apologize to him for being insensitive. But that's just me.
Other opinions?
A fit?! Okay...maybe a fit...but after years of talking I didn't know how else to get his attention. BTW...on those 3 occassions...I didn't make a big deal about it when it happened (I swear), I contnued to 'muddle' through got him off...and a day or two later bring it up as a 'soft' discussion. This last time he rubbed my back and gave me a kiss.
That didn't answer the question or tell me how to fix it.
Could be normal aging. Maybe he should see a doctor.
Unfortunately, as a guy I suspect this. And things will likely get worse before they get better, as his drive continues to fade and yours gets stronger. Some guys keep theirs longer, but that doesn't seem to be the case for him.
He's getting older. You're going to need to be sensitive about it or it's going to get way worse. Nothing kills a boner more than worrying about maintaining it.
He won't talk to me about anything. I tried being nicey-nice and now left with nothing. I'm not really focused on the 'ED', by the way...it's been years of trying to pull him out of his shell.
I really feel like I'm beating a dead horse sometimes. :-(
He could be developing ED. You need to talk to him. ED is very emasculating,and can cause depression, and other things. You need to first consult a doctor and see if there is a medical reason he can't stay up. He might be embarrassed and feel like less than a man. He probably feels like crap. Stop being mean and tell him you love him and be open to getting his manhood back.
If after the doctors visit and you have good news that everything is fine in his pipes then it could be stress related. It could be any number of things. The title of your post says it all. We can't fix your marriage only you can. You need to speak to him and find out where his head is at.
It's funny...I expected posts 'sympathizing' with me and instead it sounds like it's all my fault. I understand what you're saying but if he won't tell me there's a problem...how am I supposed to help him fix it?
Unfortunately, as a guy I suspect this. And things will likely get worse before they get better, as his drive continues to fade and yours gets stronger. Some guys keep theirs longer, but that doesn't seem to be the case for him.
What kind of shape is HE in?
C Posted via Mobile Device
He's not in the best shape; a bit overweight. Can ED be, not keeping a hard-on?
He had no problem getting it up...it just didn't stay up. Is that still ED?
Yes, getting it up but not keeping it up is still technically ED.
He needs to see a doctor, ED is now a known symptom/precursor of developing heart disease. His doctor will likely test him for low testosterone as well. Between Viagra/Cialis, losing weight and getting in shape, and possibly some testosterone therapy, he should be able to recover his boner without much trouble.
You do need to be sensitive to his plight, and be supportive. Plus, there are also other ways he can please you sexually (hands, tongue, toys, etc.) if he is open to the idea.
I'm 50, in decent shape, and I will occasionally have some issues staying hard for an extended period of time. I also know of many ways I can give my wife orgasms without using my c*ck.
Yes, getting it up but not keeping it up is still technically ED.
He needs to see a doctor, ED is now a known symptom/precursor of developing heart disease. His doctor will likely test him for low testosterone as well. Between Viagra/Cialis, losing weight and getting in shape, and possibly some testosterone therapy, he should be able to recover his boner without much trouble.
You do need to be sensitive to his plight, and be supportive. Plus, there are also other ways he can please you sexually (hands, tongue, toys, etc.) if he is open to the idea.
I'm 50, in decent shape, and I will occasionally have some issues staying hard for an extended period of time. I also know of many ways I can give my wife orgasms without using my c*ck.
Did you talk to your wife about it? Or handle on your own? He won't talk to me. I love him dearly! I will do anything to help him with anything...but he won't talk. How do I even bring this up now without him shutting down or thinking it's an accussation? What if it's not ED and then he gets offended?
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Sexless marriage...please fix it. 
Compelled me ask for advice.
Re: Sexless marriage...please fix it. 
