07-03-2012, 05:29 AM
Join Date: Jul 2011
| | Re: Finding Common Ground
This morning, while lying in bed, he told me "You're a good woman" (he will say this a few times per week. I told him in a soft voice that if I'm a good woman than please treat me like one.
He then asked me what I meant and I calmly said that if I'm a good woman to you then please treat me with respect. I was asked to elaborate as to when I haven't. I said twice this past week: 1) what went down Saturday night at that club and 2) the way you talk to me in front of other people (we were talking about remodeling our house with our son-in-law who is a carpenter. When I asked to have my own closet in the bedroom, Hubby (H) said when you clean up all of your clutter then we'll look at building a closet. I was hurt. I said: When you can come up with 48 hour days this can happen--(I work full-time and for him).
See my other post about wanting to be treated like his kids for background but basically I said there are some other things that made me feel disrespected; however, they go back 5 years (we discussed but never resolved in the past). He asked me what examples so I said 1) your daughter stole my wedding ring but you never made her apologize. 2) we needed a couch because our old one was shot, you took me shopping but when we found one you told me that we needed to be conservative with $ because we were trying to get a bldg loan yet 3 days later you book a cruise for that same daughter and your step daughter from your first marriage without a word to me. Your reason: you felt that your daughter needed her self-esteem boosted. 3) I asked you not to allow your son and his girlfriend (college aged) not to sleep together in our house during Summer break. What he does while at school is fine to me but in the house, I'm not trying to raise my kids that way. You said nothing and allowed it to happen. 4) You spent over $20K on a house for your daughter while having to borrow over $14K from me to pay past-due business taxes and inject capital because you were bouncing checks. This was money you didn't have and 5) last week I said my brake light was on in my car and the oil change was due (he owns a repair shop). He didn't say anything and didn't look up to even acknowledge me yet over the past two weeks I've heard him ask his step-daughter to give him a list of things that need to be done for his car. I asked him how would you think that would make me feel.
He denied planning the club thing Saturday night. States he was winging it and didn't think he found the place. I pushed back and said you had to have read something about it to seek it out and all I wanted to know was what to expect inside (was this a social event, would the expectation be that there was a sexual free-for all since it said swinger's club on the release). He said he would sell off his favorite car at rock-bottom price to pay me off, said he would keep his mouth shut and think about what he would say and that his step-daughter was going on a road trip and he always would check out a car for me if I was doing that and that I should have trusted him to know that the oil change could go for another 3000 miles and even though the brake light was on, unless they were scrubbing/grabbing, it wasn't urgent. I told him if he communicated that to me when I first asked, I would have not thought twice about it. I told him that it is how he acts with me versus his kids that when you look through my eyes, how you could see how I feel.
The only thing with him that was a deal breaker was how he is with his kids. I told him that he should be with his kids and all just treat me as good as he does them.