Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My husband and I have been married for 7 and half years and we have 2 kids. Our sex life isn't great and he always blames it on me. We have sex once a month. He is always asking me explore new things and he always expects me to do all the moves which I don't know how. He hates my boobs bec of breast feeding they are not in their best shape and he doesn't even touch them. Every time we make love he complains about something he didn't like. I just want to know who should lead me or him? and what should I be doing to make things better and make him want to make love to me more? I know he loves me but there is something wrong and he says it is me. plz help me I am going crazy.
it is his decision. He doesn't approach me that much. I even when I kiss him on his neck he moves away and he tell me stop it you are tickeling me and he laughs and goes. I don't know what went wrong. He tells me to watch movies or read articles and try to explore new things and try them with him which I'm not convinced that I am the one who should be doing that. I am planning to have a boob job but will this really help?
No, it will not, and do not do that unless it's something you want to do for you! This guy has some kind of problem -- either a physical problem or some kind of mental block. Maybe he's gay and cannot face that (actually, the aversion to your breasts makes me think that's plausible). Whatever, you both need some counseling, both individually and marriage. But please, do not have plastic surgery to please this man. Have it if you want it for you, but not to please this man, because trust me, once you have it, he'll find something else to complain about.
"Can I tell him what I don't like in bed as well."
If you are not old enough to tell a man what you like and don't like in bed, you are not old enough to get major plastic surgery.
That sounds harsh, doesn't it? But think about it. You aren't even comfortable expressing yourself freely with your husband. How could you possibly even know if you like the way your breasts look -- all your opinions are coming from him.
Oh, Jane. I hope you will get some counseling. You are in deep.
After nursing & pumping for two babies, my breasts are not in top condition. I am thinking of rectifying the situation (not implants just a few cosmetic touches) after we're done having children and he gets a vasectomy. He tells me that he sees nothing wrong with my body but will support me if I feel extremely strongly about it. I don't know why I feel adamant about returning them to somewhat pre-baby state but I know I do (some men think that means I want to cheat or leave which I can promise that this is not the case AT ALL). The key here is that I am the one who wants it done.
If your husband finds the changes in your post-baby body to be too hard to get past then it is worth looking into plastic surgery if he's a decent guy otherwise. However, the way your husband has treated you is deplorable. He hasn't even TRIED to be tactful at all. He's acting like you're a damaged sex toy. If he were my husband, I wouldn't be quick to change my body to make him happy unless it was something I wanted changed for my next husband. Yech.
well to tell you the truth. We are good together in everything else. we travel together all the time alone and with our kids, we live a good life. we take each other's opinion in everything. We love each other. actually we started counseling last week. will see how things goes
As far as who leads: should be who has the good idea at the time. :-) that seems silly but I get ideas as to what I want or need and I instigate. Or he gets something in mind and he instigates. Its usually 1/2 and 1/2. Any guy who wants the wife to initiate all the time is either lazy or a secret submissive. try making him wear a dog collar and eating his dinner out of a dog bowl on the floor. that will help you figure out which one is his thing. don't laugh. I've been there. LOL
Hi Jane Jane
If he is blaming you then he is suggesting you should take some lead in this, I think. Perhaps take a lead in the bedroom and see where it goes. Note some ideas and visualise how you could move him into position, then tell him you are directing the movie this time and tell him when to move and where so you can try them out. A bit like the Karma Sutra.
There was a lot on the news a few months ago because women are having implants taken out due to the silicon spilling into the body and being carcegenic. Basically if it spills into the body it is very difficult to clean it up. Was that just my neck of the woods or has anyone else heard that?
@Happylovingwife what do you mean by He hasn't even TRIED to be tactful at all? Do you mean he should start exploring things with me and to lead me? He is very decent and a very loving father. I just don't know what to do to make things better. I will talk to him when he returns from a business trip tom.
Who leads? Well in my experience our relationship is more comfortable when I lead. My story is elsewhere on this site, but suffice to say we had many years of near sexlessness. During those years I was very frustrated because what we had was so minimal and she wasn't doing anything to step it up. And that whole time she didn't understand my frustration because she thought it was my job to lead in the bedroom. And it was, frankly. But I needed permission to get there. Explicit permission. Say this to your husband: I want us to have a great sex life. But I want you to be in charge in the bedroom. No matter what you want, I promise I won't say no.
It took some time to get this all through my head. But now that we're clear on who's on top, things have improved a lot. And she's even started asking for things. Like last night she asked to be tied down. And now that she does things (like swallow) I don't feel like I need those things every time.....I don't feel obsessed about it.