Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My husband and I are in a severe rough patch right now, so severe that I am planning on letting him know that i'd like a divorce very. But that's anothere story...
Right now our sex life is awful, I can't remember the last time I orgasmed during sex with him. I don't want him touching my body during sex, and I pretty much just feel like a prostitute when we're intimate. When we do have sex, my mind is either on some random thing, or another man. Past lovers in particular. Its the onlyway I can get any enjoyment out of the crappy sex that we have. Seriously, the sex jus leaves me physically exhausted and annoyed.
I masturbate regularly, once/twice a day, and think of other men when I do do or watch porn. The main thoughts I have are about them giving oral sex to me, which the hubs is terrible at.
I know this is just a random rambling of thouhts but I just wonder if anyone else thinks about others when they're having sex with their partner. Posted via Mobile Device
the only partner that happened to with me was my exw.
that was after one of her affairs.
it wasnt the typical fantasizing about someone else but more of when we had sex i would completely separate myself from it and it was like i was in the room but watching her and her AP.
can you not teach h how you like oral?
women like different things and different ways.
if you say nothing then that is saying he is doing it right.
i know they are different so i like when they let me know what it is they like.
Floxie, given the state of your marriage, why are you giving him what he wants? I know, he mopes and complains when you don't give it to him whenever he wants, but damn it! He knows your sick! If you are already making plans to divorce, don't have sex with him. Having sex gives him the impression that everything is just fine, when, in fact, it couldn't be further from the truth. The one thing I do want to ask... do you think of "him" at these times or have you chosen to release him now?
And like you, it seems to occur during rough stretches in my marriage (26 years and counting).
Am I correct in assuming that your sex life at one point with your husband was pretty good, and it's just fallen on hard times right now?
Our sex life used to be pretty decent, not very satisfying for me but I was totally ok with that because I had toys and things that I would use alone. We would have sex maybe 3 times a week, me giving oral to him maybe twice a week in between but rarely to completion. I think the fact that I feel emotinally disconnected to hm makes me zoom in moreso on the bad sex, though I wouldn't care otherwise Posted via Mobile Device
the only partner that happened to with me was my exw.
that was after one of her affairs.
it wasnt the typical fantasizing about someone else but more of when we had sex i would completely separate myself from it and it was like i was in the room but watching her and her AP.
can you not teach h how you like oral?
women like different things and different ways.
if you say nothing then that is saying he is doing it right.
i know they are different so i like when they let me know what it is they like.
His ego prevents me for saying how bad he is at oral. I don't actually mind him being bad it, it just anoys me that he always trying to do it to me despite how terrible he is. Its really hard to teach someone t be good at oral, its not like I can be down there wth him lol Posted via Mobile Device
Floxie, given the state of your marriage, why are you giving him what he wants? I know, he mopes and complains when you don't give it to him whenever he wants, but damn it! He knows your sick! If you are already making plans to divorce, don't have sex with him. Having sex gives him the impression that everything is just fine, when, in fact, it couldn't be further from the truth. The one thing I do want to ask... do you think of "him" at these times or have you chosen to release him now?
Diwali you know, its just so much easier to keep the peace and give him some than it is for me to deal with the pouting, anger. I hope he knows everything is not fine. I think that as long as I don't rock the boat thn he'll b perfectly content continuing the marriage like this. But the boat is about to get rocked very shortly. My ex, I don't think about him sexually, we were together in hs and only had sex maybe 5 times, so I actually don't recall a whole lot about him in the sexual sense. Posted via Mobile Device
His ego prevents me for saying how bad he is at oral. I don't actually mind him being bad it, it just anoys me that he always trying to do it to me despite how terrible he is. Its really hard to teach someone t be good at oral, its not like I can be down there wth him lol Posted via Mobile Device
Give him directions. If he is too far to one side of the clit, either move your hips the way you want him to go, or tell him. Vocal cues... you wouldn't believe what a moan can do
Yea, it can be tough sometimes, but if he's not getting it, wouldn't you rather try to teach so you can be satisfied?
His ego prevents me for saying how bad he is at oral. I don't actually mind him being bad it, it just anoys me that he always trying to do it to me despite how terrible he is.
Sorry to intrude on your conversation ladies, but if this man is always trying to do it maybe he thinks he is good at it. At least he seems to know that you like it (only he sucks at it).
He needs help, directions, hints, the whole package.
Floxie, I can understand trying to keep the peace when getting to the end. Just saying that if you have to endure, try to get it at least somewhat enjoyable. I do know that the only time I ever fantasized about anyone other than my husband was when I was in my EAs. In your situation...I really don't know what I would do, honestly. I pray that I never do.
Sorry to intrude on your conversation ladies, but if this man is always trying to do it maybe he thinks he is good at it. At least he seems to know that you like it (only he sucks at it).
He needs help, directions, hints, the whole package.
I do agree that he needs direction...LOTS of it... but, there IS a lot more involved in this, sadly. And I feel bad for her because of it.
His ego prevents me for saying how bad he is at oral. I don't actually mind him being bad it, it just anoys me that he always trying to do it to me despite how terrible he is. Its really hard to teach someone t be good at oral, its not like I can be down there wth him lol Posted via Mobile Device
Floxie, no offense, but one of my fears is that my wife is like you. In the sense that she is not getting pleasure from sex, thinks her husband sucks in bed, fantasizes of past lovers, and does not give feedback to help change it. You say his ego can't handle it, how do you know that? Have you tried gently telling him what works for you? Each woman has a slightly different technique that drivers her wild so we need a little feedback on what works.
Sometimes I get a little insecure that this is an underlying issue, I reassure my wife my ego can handle direct and tough feedback. I am always reassured that "I am not the problem"...and while I hear the words it is hard to accept for some reason.
Goo luck with everything. Posted via Mobile Device
Sorry to intrude on your conversation ladies, but if this man is always trying to do it maybe he thinks he is good at it. At least he seems to know that you like it (only he sucks at it).
He needs help, directions, hints, the whole package.
I'm sure he does think he's good at it. I would be surprised though, since I do everything possible to avoid it with him. I have attempted to give directions, but unless I can be down there with him, its really hard to explain what I need. Posted via Mobile Device
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Fantasizing About Others During Sex 
. In the sense that she is not getting pleasure from sex, thinks her husband sucks in bed, fantasizes of past lovers, and does not give feedback to help change it. You say his ego can't handle it, how do you know that? Have you tried gently telling him what works for you? Each woman has a slightly different technique that drivers her wild so we need a little feedback on what works. 
