Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I once viewed a short porn video of my ex with one of her many studs and she was really getting wild with the game he was giving her. Never witnessed anything near that when I was with her, so it may well be who the individuals are with when it happens.
Everybody is different and there's no point in continuing to do what isn't working.
I think because the clit it so accessible many young girls learn or train themselves to orgasm that way. and some even refuse to explore other ways to orgasm.
just like men can use such a string grip that they have trouble orgasming with vagina sex. they have trained themselves to need that kinda of stimulation to orgasm.
not in every case but I do think this can be problematic.
Your wife probably prefers the position she does because it affords better stimulation of her G-spot. You might like the idea of clitoral, but it's probably best to go with what works for her...
Yup. Don't take it personal. You do what works for her, she (ideally) does what works for you, and have fun.
Is there any chance that she has some sort of shame regarding oral? Religious teachings, mom saying "good girls don't", etc.?
I think because the clit it so accessible many young girls learn or train themselves to orgasm that way. and some even refuse to explore other ways to orgasm.
just like men can use such a string grip that they have trouble orgasming with vagina sex. they have trained themselves to need that kinda of stimulation to orgasm.
not in every case but I do think this can be problematic.
It's only problematic for women if a)they place a priority on their partner bearing solo responsibility for orgasm and b) they aren't happy with the 'quality' of their orgasm (like they think it could be better)
It's not like clitoral orgasms are nessecarily lesser orgasms, or that vaginal orgasms should be something to level up to. If a woman is happy with the way she orgasms...who are we to tell her it's problematic?
Women need to have way more responsibility for their orgasm, especially during partnered sex and a lot of the time that includes intense amounts of clitoral stimulation. As long as a great joint sexual effort is made (not like 'lay there while I break out the hitachi on myself') why does it matter if it's clitoral with a toy or lots of hands or penetration only in the best position for her?
Same thing with men really. Only if he isn't satisfied with the quality of orgasm should he feel pressured to be sexually satisfied in the 'normal' way.
There is nothing wrong with your wife. Oral sex for me is nice but I am part of the lucky few that come easily from penetration. I think its great being able reach a proper climax same time as my man. Those that say g spot is a myth are so wrong, so so wrong. All women are different.
Agree all the way up to where you said "proper climax". No reason to make women who cannot have vaginal orgasms like that feel inferior. Also no reason to perpetuate the myth that oral sex is inferior or "dirty" vs. penetration.
I've never had an orgasim during sex. Only while stimulating my clit.
Not sure why, but it makes me sad thinking I might be missing out on something. Posted via Mobile Device
I have been with a few women in my life, and I get to hear all the sexual adventures/problems of about 20 young women I go to class with. From what I have seen & heard, many women are like this. An O is an O is an O. The difference in O IMO is the intensity and duration.
I've never had an orgasim during sex. Only while stimulating my clit.
Not sure why, but it makes me sad thinking I might be missing out on something. Posted via Mobile Device
The G spot isn't as prominent in all women, apparently, so not all women are able to orgasm this way. The trouble is that it can make women who can't feel somehow pressured into thinking that they should, rather than enjoying the orgasms they're already experiencing. There's nothing wrong with a clitoral only orgasm; in fact it's my guess that it's more the norm for most women.
I have been with a few women in my life, and I get to hear all the sexual adventures/problems of about 20 young women I go to class with. From what I have seen & heard, many women are like this. An O is an O is an O. The difference in O IMO is the intensity and duration.
Quite an interesting take Vanton.
But like the OP's wife,my wife has more intense orgasms from penetration Sometimes it's so powerful , her contractions force me out. She likes oral,and will get an O. But if there is no penetration she gets upset.
Basically, she just wants penetration and it pretty much has to be doggy style. Works every time the same way, same duration and with roughly the same reaction and noises.
Every now and then I wonder about this. Is it normal?
Yes. This is how her body works, so it's perfectly normal for her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcoPolo
Does it mean she is missing something?
Not if she's happy with it. She would probably be missing more if all she got was oral, since that doesn't seem to do much for her.
I can relate. As I've gotten older, I have lost sensitivity in my clitoris, which is common. Oral doesn't work so well anymore, but firmer stimulation - manual or a vibe - still do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcoPolo
How could those sexologists be so wrong?
They weren't wrong. She just falls in the other smaller percent of women who don't need clitoral stimulation in order to achieve an orgasm.
Hey - I'm glad they actually are doing research and studies on this stuff. It wasn't that horribly long ago that it was thought that women didn't even really need to be satisfied at all, and there were likely a lot of people who only found out how to orgasm purely by chance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcoPolo
Is my wife really different or unique?
Well, about as different and unique as all of the rest of us.
I think because the clit it so accessible many young girls learn or train themselves to orgasm that way. and some even refuse to explore other ways to orgasm.
just like men can use such a string grip that they have trouble orgasming with vagina sex. they have trained themselves to need that kinda of stimulation to orgasm.
not in every case but I do think this can be problematic.
My husband and I have done plenty of exploration. I don't have a g spot, and anyway, the g spot is still connected to the clitoal tissue so technically all orgasms are clitoral.
And why is it problematic? Posted via Mobile Device
Today we had sex and since i was thinking about this puzzle of her inability or disinterest in the clitoris I decided to try extra hard to make the clitoral orgasm work. Here is how it and the discussion that followed went:
I gave her a very long massage. I stayed away from her breasts and vaginal area for a good 15 minutes. Then I only occasionally "accidentally" got closer.
I then added in kisses.
After a while I had removed her clothing and had my hand in her crotch. I was going very lightly and stayed on the outside for a while. I was nervous to check if she was wet (she is 55 years old so that isn't a given). It turns out she was wet and I used my fingers near her clitoris for a while.
She didn't complain but was making no moaning noises.
I kissed her stomach and worked my way to her clitoris.
She let me give her oral (also not a given).
I have been consistently succesful with this in past relationships so I don't think is is technique but just to be sure I had read some articles and watched some videos about good oral technique the night before (it always explained like what I try to do anyway).
I started out very softly and not directly on the clitoris. I varied things, made circle and so on. I caressed her stomach and legs with my hands and put her hand on my hear to encourage her to give me physical feedback as far as pressure etc.
Anyway, there quickly came the time as always that she told me to "put it in". I told her to let me stay a while and asked her to "just go with it".
She did.
It went on for a while and I slowly got a little more agressive.
She moved around a bit for a short time but made none of her pleasure noises.
The once again she asked me to put it in.
I did and she started gradually with her usual unique pleasure noises and then then got more agressive with her hips and louder and started pulling my butt to get me to go faster (this is exactly as usual).
She then orgasmed and I was still in missionary position. She almost never comes until we go doggy.
After she came she asked me to go from behind (that how we say it).
So we changed positions and she got very verbal and noisy and grinding with hips etc. She came again (I asked later to know exactly when she came and she said "once in front and once from behind" which is what it had seemed like to me). As usual, it seems like she is cumming really hard and very definitely.
After it was over I asked her agiain why the oral doesn't work. I asked if she thought I was doing it wrong.
She told me (as she always does) that it isn't really that sensitive on the outside and that the sensitive areas are inside for her.
(I refrained from bringing up any physiology sexology or sex surveys)
I asked if maybe she was perhaps just too sensitive and maybe it was just irritating. She said no, the sensitive area is just inside ---but admitted it does get sort of irritating if I stay with the oral for too long.
I told her I wished I could get her to feel an orgasm from clitoral stimulation and she told me (as always) that it probably won't happen.
Now she is angry that I am unhappy even though it was so good for her (two big O's according to her).
I layed there silently thinking weird thoughts like "maybe she was born with her clitoris inside out or something."
I know it is shallow and maybe misguided, but her being "different" isn't a good feeling somehow. It seems freaky.
So things are the same as always. I am left wondering and she is pissed.
Now she is angry that I am unhappy even though it was so good for her (two big O's according to her). I told her I wished I could get her to feel an orgasm from clitoral stimulation and she told me (as always) that it probably won't happen.
I layed there silently thinking weird thoughts like "maybe she was born with her clitoris inside out or something."
I know it is shallow and maybe misguided, but her being "different" isn't a good feeling somehow. It seems freaky.
So things are the same as always. I am left wondering and she is pissed.
Comments?
I think she's more likely to be unhappy because you're over-analyzing how she reaches orgasm, OP. Perhaps your wife isn't as 'different' as you think, and you're making her feel self-conscious. Why does it matter so much to you that she prefers vaginal orgasms?
I think she's more likely to be unhappy because you're over-analyzing how she reaches orgasm, OP. Perhaps your wife isn't as 'different' as you think, and you're making her feel self-conscious. Why does it matter so much to you that she prefers vaginal orgasms?
I don't know why. But it isn't just that she prefers vaginal orgasms. She has never had anything else. It is the weird perhaps irrational overreactive notion of a broken clit that sometimes bugs me.
Maybe it isn't broken but it just has to be indirectly stimulated by penetration in such a way that she doesn't realize it and just (mis)perceives the center of pleasure as being inside somewhere since that is were the force is happening (the force inside being her brains biggest clue as to where the pleasure is located).
I am willing to buy the idea that the clit is doing the work anatomically even if it is perceived to be elsewhere. There are other things like that is proprioception I think.
I just wish I knew this to be the case as it would be reassuring.
Edit: Others, please read my prior post and the OP. I could still use more perspectives.
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Re: how some sexolgists messed me up 
