Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Somewhere, I think more than once, I have read things from sexperts (seemingly of the feminist sort if I recall correctly) that calls into question the whole idea of orgasm from penetration.
The idea got in my head from reading this stuff that women really only get there from stimulation of the clitoris (oral sex etc.). I vaguely recall even seeing the phrase "myth of the vaginal orgasm".
Fine. I like oral sex and I like the idea of clitoral stimulation.
But I can't get my wife to respond to oral sex or any other kind of clitoral stimulation. Now, I have been with a lot of women and I don't think it is a problem with my methods (oral worked fine with my ex-wife). She also doesn't seem to want to use her own hands.
Basically, she just wants penetration and it pretty much has to be doggy style. Works every time the same way, same duration and with roughly the same reaction and noises.
Every now and then I wonder about this. Is it normal? Does it mean she is missing something? How could those sexologists be so wrong?
From those things I once read, I would even wonder about whether she was even achieving orgasm at all
---except that it just is pretty clear that she is and if I ask about it she is really annoyed at me and explains that this is just the way it works for her and my worrying about what is normal is just a turn off. Mentioning sex psychology or surveys pisses her off especially.
Well, so I will ask if this is really so uncommon and also what's up with those sexologists that seem to be implying that my wife can't really be having orgasm from penetration only.
I can hear them say that yes sometimes -rarely-penetration alone seems to work (via indirect stimulation of the clitoris) but that the very idea that only penetration (and not oral) works is "impossible" and may mean my wife is a liar or brainwashed by male-centered expectations.
That's a very 70s kind of thinking, and I'd be surprised if a reputable sex therapist was still telling you that.
Yes, I have powerful vaginal orgasms -- I prefer them to the clitoral kind, tell truth.
That is what my ex-wife said. But it is not just a preference in this case. She (my current spouse) almost acts like there just is no clitoris, or that it is inside somewhere.
oral just bores her (or occasionally frustrates her--"OK, OK, just put it in now")
I like the idea of "ringing her bell" but I may as well be stimulating her thumb. I suppose it seems "dead" which is a weird feeling. But then there are those big orgasms from penetration, so something must be alive down there somewhere.
I'm with Lamagra. Clitoral orgasms are passable, but I could honestly go the rest of my life without oral. It only does anything big for me if I've already had a vaginal orgasm. I can, and generally do have multiples from penetration, in just about any position.
If we go too long with only oral, or toys, or masturbation, my W will eventually tell me it's time to make with the penetration. And by "go too long", I mean twice or more in a row. And I'm no slouch in the oral department, multiples are not uncommon. But even with that, she enjoys penetration far more than anything else, and she constantly tells me this. So I don't think your lady is all that strange.
It's not abnormal at all. Stimulation of the G-spot, and cervix if you're well-endowed enough, are incredibly pleasurable. Personally, it depends on my mood whether I enjoy clitoral G or cervical, but I can see how any women would be particular to just one.
I'm with Lamagra. Clitoral orgasms are passable, but I could honestly go the rest of my life without oral. It only does anything big for me if I've already had a vaginal orgasm. I can, and generally do have multiples from penetration, in just about any position.
well, the puzzle I want to focus on is not so much the presence of vaginal orgasms but the complete lack of response to clitoral stimulation (I have had 20 years to try variations of technique too and a string of lovers before that that responded fine).
I've never had an orgasim during sex. Only while stimulating my clit.
Not sure why, but it makes me sad thinking I might be missing out on something. Posted via Mobile Device
well, the puzzle I want to focus on is not so much the presence of vaginal orgasms but the complete lack of response to clitoral stimulation (I have had 20 years to try variations of technique too).
Can't help you there, except to point out what you already know...people are different.
well, she doesn't really deny that it exists. It just feels that way to me sometimes. To be honest, there may have been a couple times when she seemed to feel it, but it just made her anxious for the penetration to start.
It's a real turn off to have your response compared to others.
Maybe that's the issue, and the more you press it, the more it's going to be the way it is. Every time you attempt to go clitoral now, she is going to be thinking ohhhh, here we go, if I don't respond I'm going to have my sexual response (which is something I own and works for me so who the h*ll cares how it works for anyone else) compared to others. Instead of a wife and lover I am now a scientific experiment and oddity.
For me, it's ALL good. So long as it is mentally good.
I don't understand why you are getting all scientific about something like this, that doesn't need to be. What do you think people did before these surveys and information? They did what worked for their spouse/lover. And they didn't overthink it and ruin it for their partner by comparing them to others. Who cares what works for others? And if you're justifying it by saying you doubt your W is really having an O, if she's not that's her business. If she's faking it then no matter what you say or do, it's not going to make any difference until she decides to make a change. It's nobody's business to play sex therapist, not even for a partner, unless they're invited along for that journey.
That's a very 70s kind of thinking, and I'd be surprised if a reputable sex therapist was still telling you that.
Yes, I have powerful vaginal orgasms -- I prefer them to the clitoral kind, tell truth.
Thank God you changed your avitar. Your old one creeped me out every time I seen it.
My wife is the same. She usally prefers vaginal over clitoral. A lot of times she doesn't like or can not climax from clitoral. She claims her body has to be in the mood.
As far as how she gets there it is usually 1 or 2 times missionary with pillow under her butt and legs up sometimes over my shoulders, depending on if she can handle deeper penetration. And then 1 time with her laying on her stomach with a pillow under her hips and feet on the floor (rear entry).
When we are in a dirty mood anything can happen except anal penetration on either one of us. These are what we call fun sex nights. Anything goes as long as each is okay with it.
Basically, she just wants penetration and it pretty much has to be doggy style. Works every time the same way, same duration and with roughly the same reaction and noises.
Someone's got to say it: are you 100% sure she's getting off, and not just giving you an "Ooh, ahh, give it to me, big boy" according to a standard formula in order to get YOU off and stop bothering her?
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how some sexolgists messed me up 
