No sex for 6 months.
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 07-09-2012, 01:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default No sex for 6 months.

Hey Everyone,

I'm new to these forums. I have tried asking on other sites about certain things, but I get horrible answers. At this point, I'd like to assume that divorce isn't an option. I love my wife, and I know she loves me. She makes a lot of effort to show it, just not through sex. Let me tell my side of the story, and what bothers me...

We were together about 7 years before we were married. I met her young, which to me is a warning sign of the possible "I got married too young" thing. We've now been married about 1 year and 8 months.

We haven't had sex in 6 months. This whole no sex thing started with an interesting chain of events. After years of what seemed like explosive sex, (to the point where I couldn't even keep up) we slowed down. First, my wife told me she didn't enjoy sex. She either said it hurts, or I lasted too long, etc, etc. So we tried making changes. We tried different lubes, toys, etc, etc. We enjoyed some, and she seemed to like it, but she still felt "un-horny" most of the time. She wanted to fix this. So she started trying to eat different foods, to no avail. We tried over the counter items. She talked to her doctor, who told her "it's like a muscle and you have to excersize it". After that, she decided we needed to try to have sex every day. No complaints from me.

After that I think she kind of gave up on the whole muscle thing. That's when things stopped. She then tried to switch birth controls. She switched to the Nuva Ring. She was on that for about 5 or so months. Now she has decided to completely stop birth control all together. She's under the impression it might be effecting her overall emotions. She is an EXTREMELY emotionless woman. (comparing to other women I know) She is very tough, and hard. I'm not an emotional person, but I swear she's less than me! I haven't seen her cry in.. I don't know. It's been years I think.

My wife saw a therapist without really giving me reasoning. To be honest, I was very thrown off that she did it without telling me, and wouldn't tell me why. She still hasn't. At the same time, I was happy that she was talking to someone. She wasn't happy, and I don't even think it was because of our relationship. I think she needed more in her overall life.

That's when she started to go over-the-top physical exercise mode. She works out just about every day, twice a day. She runs about 6 miles a day. She's looking great! Which, of course, causes me more frustration. I notice that she has a "better attitude", and seems happier in her non-relationship life. She hangs out with a lot of people, and is very social.

Now, that's all fine and dandy, and I'm happy for her, but a part of me is starting to feel kind of rejected. We don't have sex, and any time we hang out, it's with a bunch of other people. I like hanging out with all our friends, but SOMETIMES I wonder why we can't do something alone. We don't go on dates much. She doesn't seem interested in dates. Sometimes I feel like she loves me, but she is kind of over me.

Again, she expresses her love to me in different ways, just not these other few that really hurt me.

The sexual frustration messes with my emotions. It makes me angry, and bitter. Especially when it's bed time. I think about what's coming: Nothing. She walks around the apartment in her night clothes, which turn me on sometimes. I become so frustrated and annoyed.

One morning I woke up and I told her how I felt. I broke down in tears. She "held me" and I could tell she felt really bad. She didn't say much. I had to leave for work, so I left. Nothing really changed.

I tried making deals with her. "If you TRY satisfy me in any way at least just ONCE a week, I will do ALL the dishes ALL the time and clean the house." That didn't work, so I just tried doing it anyway, haha. I wanted to make her feel less stressed out about house chores and life.

I tried "not caring", and just taking care of myself. Showing that I am independent, and that I am not clingy. I work hard, and I am a man. I hung out with my "boys" and came home and forced myself to act happy and as if I don't care. She likes it when I act happy, but it didn't change her feeling towards sex. All these things I tried really just slowly come back to my overall feelings of frustration and rejection.

She will make a very small effort to "sexually satisfy me" with her hand, if I ask for it. I hate asking for it, but sometimes I have no choice.

Anyway, I am trying to set us up with a marriage counselor. It's hard when I have only $200 to my name, and no health insurance. I attend a church that would provide, but that's a whole other story. I think it would make her uncomfortable going to my church where I grew up my entire life to discuss our marriage. A part of me feels like she feels as if it's "my church" and not "ours". Which I understand completely, but the hard thing is that they employ me, and at this point, we need the money. But that's all a side note and not necessarily part of any problem right now.

Anyway, I'd like to hear your stories, and if you have any ideas.

Thank you
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Old 07-09-2012, 02:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex for 6 months.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post

We haven't had sex in 6 months. This whole no sex thing started with an interesting chain of events. After years of what seemed like explosive sex, (to the point where I couldn't even keep up) we slowed down. First, my wife told me she didn't enjoy sex. She either said it hurts, or I lasted too long, etc, etc. So we tried making changes. We tried different lubes, toys, etc, etc. We enjoyed some, and she seemed to like it, but she still felt "un-horny" most of the time. She wanted to fix this. So she started trying to eat different foods, to no avail. We tried over the counter items. She talked to her doctor, who told her "it's like a muscle and you have to excersize it". After that, she decided we needed to try to have sex every day. No complaints from me.

After that I think she kind of gave up on the whole muscle thing. That's when things stopped. She then tried to switch birth controls. She switched to the Nuva Ring. She was on that for about 5 or so months. Now she has decided to completely stop birth control all together. She's under the impression it might be effecting her overall emotions. She is an EXTREMELY emotionless woman. (comparing to other women I know) She is very tough, and hard. I'm not an emotional person, but I swear she's less than me! I haven't seen her cry in.. I don't know. It's been years I think.
The good news in all that is she at least was trying top find what she needed. Effort is a good sign. Further reading though seems to indicate that she stopped try.

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Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
My wife saw a therapist without really giving me reasoning. To be honest, I was very thrown off that she did it without telling me, and wouldn't tell me why. She still hasn't.
If you've read these boards at all, you know communication is a key. My fiancee goes from time to time to a counsellor and discusses problems she has. I don't pressure my fiancee to tell me about anything that does go on, but I also know that if I want to have a rough idea why she was going (stress, our relationship, money, etc.) she'd tell me. I think you have a right to know why she's suddenly started to go, even if all you get is a blanket statement like "I feel stressed and I wanted to vent to a professional."

[QUOTE=weidede2;894367] That's when she started to go over-the-top physical exercise mode. She works out just about every day, twice a day. She runs about 6 miles a day. She's looking great! Which, of course, causes me more frustration. I notice that she has a "better attitude", and seems happier in her non-relationship life. She hangs out with a lot of people, and is very social. [/QOUTE]

Significant change is always a sign of something happening within. There could be a multitude of reasons for this. She could want to boost her self-esteem, she may view her weight as an issue, maybe she's looking out for her long-term health, maybe she likes attention from other men maybe she's having an affair. Or maybe it's another reason altogether, but typically, people don't change their behaviour without a motivating factor or factors behind it. I'd find out what the motivation is behind the workout kick.

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Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
Now, that's all fine and dandy, and I'm happy for her, but a part of me is starting to feel kind of rejected. We don't have sex, and any time we hang out, it's with a bunch of other people. I like hanging out with all our friends, but SOMETIMES I wonder why we can't do something alone. We don't go on dates much. She doesn't seem interested in dates. Sometimes I feel like she loves me, but she is kind of over me.
Very legitimate feelings. Sex is an important part of a marriage and if it is being neglected, you are, in essence, being rejected. Your feelings are valid.

That said, you may have hit the nail on the head when you said "Sometimes I feel like she loves me, but she is kind of over me." Harsh, but very possible. To have no emotional or physical attraction at all to your spouse is not a good sign at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
The sexual frustration messes with my emotions. It makes me angry, and bitter. Especially when it's bed time. I think about what's coming: Nothing. She walks around the apartment in her night clothes, which turn me on sometimes. I become so frustrated and annoyed.
Once again, perfectly normal and justified feelings. When you are wanting and anticipating something from the love of your life and it isn't forthcoming ever, it is fine to feel as you do.

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Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
One morning I woke up and I told her how I felt. I broke down in tears. She "held me" and I could tell she felt really bad. She didn't say much. I had to leave for work, so I left. Nothing really changed.
If you can tell she felt bad, why did she not say much? Also, since you don't mention it, I'll assume nothing was discussed after you got home either. So you confessed how you felt, you cried, and all your spouse could do was give you a nice hug for a few minutes? No discussion, no effort to change, no effort to see things from your perspective?

Quote:
Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
I tried making deals with her. "If you TRY satisfy me in any way at least just ONCE a week, I will do ALL the dishes ALL the time and clean the house." That didn't work, so I just tried doing it anyway, haha. I wanted to make her feel less stressed out about house chores and life.
Trading favors for sex is usually not the way to go as that hardly inspires her to get in the mood. Additionally, when you suggest doing the dishes and cleaning the house for sex, and then clean the house and do the dishes even if you don't get sex, what do you think that reenforces in her mind? I hate to simplify things to much, but think of her as a child. If you told your child to eat their vegetables or they can't go to the movies, but then later you take your child even if he/she didn't eat those vegetables, can you really expect the child to eat those veggies the next time? Just because your wife is an adult does not mean her mind doesn't work in the same manner regarding doing something she doesn't want to do. Now she has no sexual pressure AND all the household chores done? Sounds pretty sweet from her end.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
I tried "not caring", and just taking care of myself. Showing that I am independent, and that I am not clingy. I work hard, and I am a man. I hung out with my "boys" and came home and forced myself to act happy and as if I don't care. She likes it when I act happy, but it didn't change her feeling towards sex.
Being happy for yourself is something you should continue to work on, but don't over do it or she won't realize there is a problem. I'd still be sitting her down for a sex talk once a month and reenforcing that this is an issue in the marriage and that while you're not to mop around the house like a lost puppy, you aren't exactly guy smiley at the moment either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
She will make a very small effort to "sexually satisfy me" with her hand, if I ask for it. I hate asking for it, but sometimes I have no choice.
Once again, you have to nearly beg for your needs to get met. Your efforts to act as if nothing is wrong and to do the housework won't change this as she likely thinks this is all that needs to be done.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
Anyway, I am trying to set us up with a marriage counselor. It's hard when I have only $200 to my name, and no health insurance. I attend a church that would provide, but that's a whole other story. I think it would make her uncomfortable going to my church where I grew up my entire life to discuss our marriage. A part of me feels like she feels as if it's "my church" and not "ours". Which I understand completely, but the hard thing is that they employ me, and at this point, we need the money. But that's all a side note and not necessarily part of any problem right now.
Who cares where you work? Marriage counselling is private, and your employer has no right to tell you where to go, so go where ever you want. Money being an issue I can understand, but this is about your marriage and as such I'd make an effort to find money in the budget. If she's serious about it, she'll cut her spending too as a means to help pay for it.

As for what to do, I'd go at it three fold initially. First, I'd be doing some investigating. I'm not saying she's having an affair, but there are red flags for it and it's only fair to yourself to investigate whether or not that is a possibility. If there is an affair going, better to find that out now, not six months into counselling.

Assuming their isn't an affair going on, I'd talk with her about it, explain where you are coming from, how you feel and how important sex is to you. Let her comment on things she'd like you to do too and follow through on those.

third, I'd try to get her onboard with the marriage counselling idea. Marriage counselling is an important step to reclaiming a marriage potentially, and in all likelihood won't hurt matters. Even if she just tried it at first.

I'd also sit back after that and allow a few months to go by. If nothing is changing, or she shows no effort to change anything, I'd then sit her down again but this time with an ultimatum. You can decide what that will be, but come ready to back up your position with whatever you decide to do (divorce, leave, sleep in a different room, not doing anything around the house, whatever).
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Old 07-09-2012, 02:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks for your input. I'm going to find money for counseling. If I DID find out she's having/had an affair I will be crushed. I don't see that happening though. I can't see her even having time for that. Blah.
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Old 07-09-2012, 02:47 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Also, if she was having an affair, I would find it weird that she would stop her birth control completely. Although, I guess technically, she could be having an emotional affair.
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Old 07-09-2012, 02:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex for 6 months.

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Also, if she was having an affair, I would find it weird that she would stop her birth control completely. Although, I guess technically, she could be having an emotional affair.
An affair might not be going on at all. But it's definately worth consideing, even if just to rule it out.

And yes, an emotional affiar is possible. I've also read several women on here who have said that an EA is more significant for them than a physical affair, so maybe her preference would be for an EA. Typically, those do eventually progress to a physical stage if the opportunity is there.
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Old 07-09-2012, 03:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Sometimes I think she's having an EA with LIFE. lol. That sounds weird, but she spends so much time DOING things that it's NONE stop. She wants to better herself physically, emotionally, and in all ways. It's non-stop. No time for me! I just want to grab her, and throw her in the bedroom. Me man, me horny! Ha. Sounds bad, but it's true.
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Old 07-09-2012, 03:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Anytime you spend all of your efforts changing yourself in order to correct another's issues, you are just beating a dead horse.
I did all the things you say you did trying to appease your wife, for mine for over twenty years and all it got me was out the door.
Were I in your shoes and I have been, I'd sit her down and tell her she is either going to get with YOUR program, or you'll open the door for her when she leaves.
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Old 07-09-2012, 04:10 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I've contacted a marital counselor and am booking a date. I want this sorted out. I just hope that this helps. I am very nervous. I'm sad that it's come to this. Sigh.
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Old 07-09-2012, 04:39 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Now, that's all fine and dandy, and I'm happy for her, but a part of me is starting to feel kind of rejected.
Your wife has refused to have sex with you for 6 months, and you're starting to feel rejected? Dude!

Quote:
Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
We don't have sex, and any time we hang out, it's with a bunch of other people. I like hanging out with all our friends, but SOMETIMES I wonder why we can't do something alone. We don't go on dates much. She doesn't seem interested in dates. Sometimes I feel like she loves me, but she is kind of over me.
This is a red flag. I agree with the other poster who suggested that you rule out an affair. Check her cell phone records to see any great volume of calls/texts or calls/texts at odd hours.

Regardless of what, specifically, she is doing, when a woman stops having sex with a man, it generally means she's no longer sexually attracted to that man.

Quote:
I tried making deals with her. "If you TRY satisfy me in any way at least just ONCE a week, I will do ALL the dishes ALL the time and clean the house." That didn't work, so I just tried doing it anyway, haha. I wanted to make her feel less stressed out about house chores and life.
A common mistake, but a bad one. If you go to a bar or club, where people are trolling for casual sex, you will not hear one man offer services in exchange for sex. Because it will never work to attract a woman.

I think you have two options for improvement. The first option, is to look at the blog Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. and start improving yourself to make your wife more attracted to you. The second option is to stop catering to your wife's needs until she's willing to cater to yours. It's unclear whether this will work for your wife because it sounds like she treats you as one of her 15 friends. If you have 15 friends, and you lose one, you've still got 14 that are just as good. So it's no big loss. However, if you're providing for her needs in ways that her other friends don't, then you can stop doing that in an effort to get her to make a contribution to your marriage.

Good luck.
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Old 07-09-2012, 04:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex for 6 months.

W,
I don't think your W is having an affair.

I do think your W has decided that she is going to be motivated and disciplined and get the most out of life.

And I believe that most women like that require their male partner to do the same. Usually that means finding a career and getting really good at it - and making steadily more money.

Your girl was really young when you met. Back then she was impressed because you were: handsome and popular, or good at sports, or dressed in a cool way. Or all of the above.

NOW: She wants/expects/REQUIRES that you:
- Get and keep a job with benefits
- Work HARD - at whatever you do - at getting better at it - at getting raises and promotions. Maybe that means more training or more education, I don't know. But it does mean having focus, motivation and steadily achieving results.
- Focus on managing money so you can set a schedule for buying a house

This is not just about money. And I am NOT suggesting your W is materialistic. What I AM saying is she has raised the bar for her OWN life and is not ok if you don't do the same.

And she does love you. Thing is - the issue isn't love - it is respect. Without respect, a woman loses desire.

Be honest about this, how many times has she gently encouraged you to focus more on your job/career/saving money?

Quote:
Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
Hey Everyone,

I'm new to these forums. I have tried asking on other sites about certain things, but I get horrible answers. At this point, I'd like to assume that divorce isn't an option. I love my wife, and I know she loves me. She makes a lot of effort to show it, just not through sex. Let me tell my side of the story, and what bothers me...

We were together about 7 years before we were married. I met her young, which to me is a warning sign of the possible "I got married too young" thing. We've now been married about 1 year and 8 months.

We haven't had sex in 6 months. This whole no sex thing started with an interesting chain of events. After years of what seemed like explosive sex, (to the point where I couldn't even keep up) we slowed down. First, my wife told me she didn't enjoy sex. She either said it hurts, or I lasted too long, etc, etc. So we tried making changes. We tried different lubes, toys, etc, etc. We enjoyed some, and she seemed to like it, but she still felt "un-horny" most of the time. She wanted to fix this. So she started trying to eat different foods, to no avail. We tried over the counter items. She talked to her doctor, who told her "it's like a muscle and you have to excersize it". After that, she decided we needed to try to have sex every day. No complaints from me.

After that I think she kind of gave up on the whole muscle thing. That's when things stopped. She then tried to switch birth controls. She switched to the Nuva Ring. She was on that for about 5 or so months. Now she has decided to completely stop birth control all together. She's under the impression it might be effecting her overall emotions. She is an EXTREMELY emotionless woman. (comparing to other women I know) She is very tough, and hard. I'm not an emotional person, but I swear she's less than me! I haven't seen her cry in.. I don't know. It's been years I think.

My wife saw a therapist without really giving me reasoning. To be honest, I was very thrown off that she did it without telling me, and wouldn't tell me why. She still hasn't. At the same time, I was happy that she was talking to someone. She wasn't happy, and I don't even think it was because of our relationship. I think she needed more in her overall life.

That's when she started to go over-the-top physical exercise mode. She works out just about every day, twice a day. She runs about 6 miles a day. She's looking great! Which, of course, causes me more frustration. I notice that she has a "better attitude", and seems happier in her non-relationship life. She hangs out with a lot of people, and is very social.

Now, that's all fine and dandy, and I'm happy for her, but a part of me is starting to feel kind of rejected. We don't have sex, and any time we hang out, it's with a bunch of other people. I like hanging out with all our friends, but SOMETIMES I wonder why we can't do something alone. We don't go on dates much. She doesn't seem interested in dates. Sometimes I feel like she loves me, but she is kind of over me.

Again, she expresses her love to me in different ways, just not these other few that really hurt me.

The sexual frustration messes with my emotions. It makes me angry, and bitter. Especially when it's bed time. I think about what's coming: Nothing. She walks around the apartment in her night clothes, which turn me on sometimes. I become so frustrated and annoyed.

One morning I woke up and I told her how I felt. I broke down in tears. She "held me" and I could tell she felt really bad. She didn't say much. I had to leave for work, so I left. Nothing really changed.

I tried making deals with her. "If you TRY satisfy me in any way at least just ONCE a week, I will do ALL the dishes ALL the time and clean the house." That didn't work, so I just tried doing it anyway, haha. I wanted to make her feel less stressed out about house chores and life.

I tried "not caring", and just taking care of myself. Showing that I am independent, and that I am not clingy. I work hard, and I am a man. I hung out with my "boys" and came home and forced myself to act happy and as if I don't care. She likes it when I act happy, but it didn't change her feeling towards sex. All these things I tried really just slowly come back to my overall feelings of frustration and rejection.

She will make a very small effort to "sexually satisfy me" with her hand, if I ask for it. I hate asking for it, but sometimes I have no choice.

Anyway, I am trying to set us up with a marriage counselor. It's hard when I have only $200 to my name, and no health insurance. I attend a church that would provide, but that's a whole other story. I think it would make her uncomfortable going to my church where I grew up my entire life to discuss our marriage. A part of me feels like she feels as if it's "my church" and not "ours". Which I understand completely, but the hard thing is that they employ me, and at this point, we need the money. But that's all a side note and not necessarily part of any problem right now.

Anyway, I'd like to hear your stories, and if you have any ideas.

Thank you
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Old 07-09-2012, 05:17 PM   #11 (permalink)
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W,
I don't think your W is having an affair.

I do think your W has decided that she is going to be motivated and disciplined and get the most out of life.

And I believe that most women like that require their male partner to do the same. Usually that means finding a career and getting really good at it - and making steadily more money.

Your girl was really young when you met. Back then she was impressed because you were: handsome and popular, or good at sports, or dressed in a cool way. Or all of the above.

NOW: She wants/expects/REQUIRES that you:
- Get and keep a job with benefits
- Work HARD - at whatever you do - at getting better at it - at getting raises and promotions. Maybe that means more training or more education, I don't know. But it does mean having focus, motivation and steadily achieving results.
- Focus on managing money so you can set a schedule for buying a house

This is not just about money. And I am NOT suggesting your W is materialistic. What I AM saying is she has raised the bar for her OWN life and is not ok if you don't do the same.

And she does love you. Thing is - the issue isn't love - it is respect. Without respect, a woman loses desire.

Be honest about this, how many times has she gently encouraged you to focus more on your job/career/saving money?

I read this and I had to respond because I don't think this is it AT ALL, but I find it interesting that you gave another point of view. I think my success has actually been a PROBLEM. I feel, (because she has expressed this to me), that my success actually makes my wife feel bad for herself. She has told me a couple times that she hates that I am "good at everything". Please don't take this the wrong way. I feel like I am a humble person, and I have no intention of using any of what I've accomplished as any barrier, or something to hold over her head. I just want to explain so you can better understand our situation:

I own a small business, with about 5 employees. I started the business when I was about 20 years old. I met my wife when I was about 18. The biz grew fast, and now does about $.5 million in sales a year. I was pretty successful early on. This DID NOT mean I ignored my wife. I actually was VERY VERY blessed because my business VERY RARELY makes me work over a normal 8 hours a day. I don't work weekends, but I do have a 2nd job at the church (that I mentioned) where I lead music. I play/sing in a worship team that I lead. That job takes about 5 hours a week. I work hard in a 100 degree shop during the summer. I've recently lost a lot of weight because of it.

You might wonder why I would make the comment that "we need the money". Even though my business is pretty successful, I've continually taken a lot of financial sacrifices to get there. More recently, we lost 3 huge contracts. We're recovering, and it's fine. It's just part of "owning a business" I live in San Diego, where our rent is $1500 /m for a 1 bedroom apartment. I pay ALL bills. The only thing I don't pay for is her car. Now, non of this means ANYTHING to me. I'm not bitter about it. And when I say "I pay", I don't mean that my money isn't hers. The money I make I use to provide for us any way I can. I don't try to be anal about money unless we don't have any. When she asks for money, I give her money, and I pay for her school as much as I can too. Money is always hard in relationships, and we've had our ups and downs because of it, but I honestly try very hard to be as giving as I can with her. We haven't really combined bank accounts much because she really doesn't have any money to combine. We have a joint account where I keep our savings/extra money and then just pay for everything else.

If she has a problem with it, I'd be more than happy to put all the money in the joint account and we can pay bills together. :-) lol. I honestly don't hold anything from her. I'm pretty sure she knows that. We've talked about it before. She says I'm better with money than her. She has a lot of debt from before we were married that I am trying to help her pay off.

I too thought maybe I needed to be more physically fit. I've lost about 22 lbs since we got married. I'm 6' tall and weigh 180 lb. I worked out, ran, P90X, lifted... I tried a lot of stuff. I can't run with her though.. not the way she does it. It's just too much for me. I am not at that level, and her fitness motivation comes from working less hours than I, and having more time. Again, not a complaint, just an observation.

I don't take any of my success for granted. I actually give her the credit, because I've been super motivated by our relationship. I want to provide for us, and build us a future.

I don't know. Talking about this starts to anger me a little, because I try to be super sensitive to her needs, but I don't get it back. Like I said, I am scheduling a meeting with a counselor.

I am willing to sacrifice anything for her. I just need to feel a little more "needed" in our relationship.

Last edited by weidede2; 07-09-2012 at 05:27 PM.
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Old 07-09-2012, 05:45 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex for 6 months.

Oh, and one other thing. I find this really weird. When I DO ask her if she can "touch me", she usually gets a big smile on her face, like she's excited to do it.

Maybe she LIKES to do it, but she doesn't want to initiate it? I don't know... that's just kinda weird to me. Why are women so difficult? lol ;-)

I just wish it would turn into sex....

Sometimes I swear she is asexual.

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Old 07-09-2012, 06:00 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex for 6 months.

Oh gosh, and ONE MORE addition to this story. She doesn't touch herself. A couple months ago she told me that she doesn't have any sexual desire to satisfy herself. Last time we talked about it, she said she hadn't masturbated in over a year.
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Old 07-09-2012, 07:34 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex for 6 months.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
That's when she started to go over-the-top physical exercise mode. She works out just about every day, twice a day. She runs about 6 miles a day. She's looking great! Which, of course, causes me more frustration. I notice that she has a "better attitude", and seems happier in her non-relationship life. She hangs out with a lot of people, and is very social.
Red flag! When I started thinking about cheating on my husband I started exercising.. a lot! I wanted to be and feel more attractive to the opposite sex. It also had the side effect of improving my general attitude because I was getting healthier.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
Also, if she was having an affair, I would find it weird that she would stop her birth control completely. Although, I guess technically, she could be having an emotional affair.
There are things called condoms so not weird at all. Birth control pills can make you emotional and put on weight so there's 2 reasons she may not want to be on them.

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I just want to grab her, and throw her in the bedroom. Me man, me horny! Ha. Sounds bad, but it's true.
Have you tried doing this? I would love it if my husband took the initiative to do this!

Quote:
Originally Posted by weidede2 View Post
Oh gosh, and ONE MORE addition to this story. She doesn't touch herself. A couple months ago she told me that she doesn't have any sexual desire to satisfy herself. Last time we talked about it, she said she hadn't masturbated in over a year.
This makes my theory of her either having an affair or thinking about one change somewhat. Most unusual to not touch yourself if you're not getting any.
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Old 07-09-2012, 08:43 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Kind of hard to "help" someone who initially posts that they don't "have 200 to their name", for counseling and then subsequently says: I have had a successful business for many years.

Read "no more mr. Nice guy"



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I read this and I had to respond because I don't think this is it AT ALL, but I find it interesting that you gave another point of view. I think my success has actually been a PROBLEM. I feel, (because she has expressed this to me), that my success actually makes my wife feel bad for herself. She has told me a couple times that she hates that I am "good at everything". Please don't take this the wrong way. I feel like I am a humble person, and I have no intention of using any of what I've accomplished as any barrier, or something to hold over her head. I just want to explain so you can better understand our situation:

I own a small business, with about 5 employees. I started the business when I was about 20 years old. I met my wife when I was about 18. The biz grew fast, and now does about $.5 million in sales a year. I was pretty successful early on. This DID NOT mean I ignored my wife. I actually was VERY VERY blessed because my business VERY RARELY makes me work over a normal 8 hours a day. I don't work weekends, but I do have a 2nd job at the church (that I mentioned) where I lead music. I play/sing in a worship team that I lead. That job takes about 5 hours a week. I work hard in a 100 degree shop during the summer. I've recently lost a lot of weight because of it.

You might wonder why I would make the comment that "we need the money". Even though my business is pretty successful, I've continually taken a lot of financial sacrifices to get there. More recently, we lost 3 huge contracts. We're recovering, and it's fine. It's just part of "owning a business" I live in San Diego, where our rent is $1500 /m for a 1 bedroom apartment. I pay ALL bills. The only thing I don't pay for is her car. Now, non of this means ANYTHING to me. I'm not bitter about it. And when I say "I pay", I don't mean that my money isn't hers. The money I make I use to provide for us any way I can. I don't try to be anal about money unless we don't have any. When she asks for money, I give her money, and I pay for her school as much as I can too. Money is always hard in relationships, and we've had our ups and downs because of it, but I honestly try very hard to be as giving as I can with her. We haven't really combined bank accounts much because she really doesn't have any money to combine. We have a joint account where I keep our savings/extra money and then just pay for everything else.

If she has a problem with it, I'd be more than happy to put all the money in the joint account and we can pay bills together. :-) lol. I honestly don't hold anything from her. I'm pretty sure she knows that. We've talked about it before. She says I'm better with money than her. She has a lot of debt from before we were married that I am trying to help her pay off.

I too thought maybe I needed to be more physically fit. I've lost about 22 lbs since we got married. I'm 6' tall and weigh 180 lb. I worked out, ran, P90X, lifted... I tried a lot of stuff. I can't run with her though.. not the way she does it. It's just too much for me. I am not at that level, and her fitness motivation comes from working less hours than I, and having more time. Again, not a complaint, just an observation.

I don't take any of my success for granted. I actually give her the credit, because I've been super motivated by our relationship. I want to provide for us, and build us a future.

I don't know. Talking about this starts to anger me a little, because I try to be super sensitive to her needs, but I don't get it back. Like I said, I am scheduling a meeting with a counselor.

I am willing to sacrifice anything for her. I just need to feel a little more "needed" in our relationship.
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