when the sex is good - but still only happens sporadically?

JoeRockStar · 07-12-2012, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbob82

Anyone else in a similar boat, where the sex IS great, but such a rarity?
Posted via Mobile Device

Yep, I'm in the same boat. My wife has the most explosive orgasms I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing if she's in the right frame of mind. I'm talking loud, convulsing, spray across the room, porn star orgasms. My daughter has embarrassed my wife on more than one occasion asking her to try and be a bit more quiet lol.

I asked her once as she was um "recovering" why she doesn't want to do this more often. She looked me dead in the face and said sincerely "I really don't know."

Mishy · 07-12-2012, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbob82

Guys, I was just seeing what your thoughts were on the fairly unusual scenario of when you have great sex with your partner, but it still doesn't inspire them to want to do it regularly? For example, 16 days ago me and my wife had great spontaneous sex, where I blindfolded her and masturbated her to orgasm, whilst kissing her neck, breasts, mouth etc. I then went down and performed oral on her until she came again-it is something I enjoy doing and she loves it too! We then ended it by having hard, passionate sex. It was wonderful, and something I'd like to do more often, frankly! Pleasuring her is my main enjoyment. However, however, this was the last time we had sex, 16 days ago! I am at a total loss as to why, i have had my sexual advances rejected about 5-6 times since then. Each time I tried to make it fun, dressed up nice, put aftershave on, and she was really scathing in her rejections, saying I was lecherous, etc. She's not been ill, she's not been on her period, she just plain out doesn't wanna do it! I am pretty frustrated now and not really confident enough to even bother initiating, I think why bother? And just look at porn to get my kicks now. I'm 30, she's 36. Anyone else in a similar boat, where the sex IS great, but such a rarity?
Posted via Mobile Device

Same here. She is also 5 years older than me. Somehow sex has become a "burden" for her unless when she is "in the mood", which is normally right before her period. Then there's a window of a couple of days where we can have sex 2-3-4 times and then suddently NOTHING for 2-3 weeks.
Like you I was High Drive and she was complaining about me groping her, being too passionate etc. We had many talks and some fights about it. She promised, and promised to be better, things to change etc. But nothing changed. So now after months of trying to do my part,I don't even initiate anymore and I kinda lost interest in sex. I don't grope or even touch her.I am more focused on other things (hobbies, interest, friends). It's hard for me to cope with it emotionally because she shows no interest in me unless she's in the mood. And I don't want just sex, I need closeness and affection, which she doesn't give me.
We have lots of fights for silly things and this affect our relationship and hurts me. We had several talks but it's all the same, after a while things are back as before.
I proposed marriage counseling but she refused.

Jimbob82 · 07-13-2012, 02:59 AM

Dude, I feel your pain, it's the most frustrating thing in the world ain't it? I think the worst thing about it is when there is no valid reason for them denying you, I know it's not a 'duty' as such, but in your mind, you're always thinking 'Is it really gonna kill you just to let us have a 10-minute session to relieve some tensions - why do you have to go 15-16+ days between it?" - I always feel really relaxed and content after the deed, and she knows this. Ok, I know there's masturbation as a quick 'pick-me-up', but it's not the same as being with the woman you love! But yeah, I'm with you there, when you just don't even bother initiating anymore as you already know the answer

Havesomethingtosay · 07-13-2012, 07:57 AM

God how pathetic...... Yes I want more sex too and it is he same dance over and over. But if I have to read one more post from a guy stating "It's not the sex. it's the intimacy/closeness that I want"...... I'm going to shove a sharp stick in my eye.....

Be a god damn man... You want sex and to feel your body rubbing against your partner and the sensation of bringing your wife to a massive orgasm and then haveing one yourself.

Quit being wusses!!!!!!!

Jimbob82 · 07-13-2012, 08:43 AM

Kind of hard when your wife pushes away your every advance.

But you are kinda right, my attitude now is gonna be one of "I don't give a shvt, I'm not begging, pleading or cajoling you - come and get me when you're ready babe!"

Mishy · 07-13-2012, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbob82

Dude, I feel your pain, it's the most frustrating thing in the world ain't it? I think the worst thing about it is when there is no valid reason for them denying you, I know it's not a 'duty' as such, but in your mind, you're always thinking 'Is it really gonna kill you just to let us have a 10-minute session to relieve some tensions - why do you have to go 15-16+ days between it?" - I always feel really relaxed and content after the deed, and she knows this. Ok, I know there's masturbation as a quick 'pick-me-up', but it's not the same as being with the woman you love! But yeah, I'm with you there, when you just don't even bother initiating anymore as you already know the answer

Yes It's frustrating. And I have been through many negative feelings during the past months.
Bottom line talking doesn't do much in my case. Action works better but It's slow.
I am more focused on myself now. More selfish if you like. My mood does not depend on hers. I do things because they make me feel good, not because I expect something in "exchange" from her for what I do. My body is in good shape now.

She is slowly noticing the changes I believe and it happened that I turned her down (she has not initiated in months) a couple of times last week because I was busy on a project I was working on.

I decided to give "us" some time to solve this also because we fight a lot about silly things and it does not help the situation.

@ Havesomethingtosay
For me it's both the sex AND the affection that are missing. Sex first but I believe for most men both things are somewhat related.

kingsfan · 07-16-2012, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Havesomethingtosay

God how pathetic...... Yes I want more sex too and it is he same dance over and over. But if I have to read one more post from a guy stating "It's not the sex. it's the intimacy/closeness that I want"...... I'm going to shove a sharp stick in my eye.....

Be a god damn man... You want sex and to feel your body rubbing against your partner and the sensation of bringing your wife to a massive orgasm and then haveing one yourself.

Quit being wusses!!!!!!!

Maybe for you, not for me.

Yes, of course the orgasm is a big selling point, and yes there is sometimes where you just want to get laid and feel like a million bucks.

Butfor me, about 95% of the time, it's about the connection. I am not less of a man for this. My fiancee is someone I love very much, much more than I ever loved my ex-wife. It's amazing to feel like this about someone.

For men, we don't express our love the same way women do in general. Women like holding hands, cuddling, kissing, those sorts of actions as a physical display of love. I'm not saying guys don't like those, they do, but not nearly to the same level as women.

Men prefer sex. it's a way to feel secure, a way to feel wanted, desired, and loved, and it's a way for a man to express those emotions as well. Men express many of their emotions physically and are in a physical world. We do more physically demanding jobs, we enjoy more physical movies (such as action flicks) and our sports are largely physical in nature, such as football and hockey. Men enjoy physical shows of emotion, and that continues into the bedroom with sex.

DTO · 07-16-2012, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbob82

Guys, I was just seeing what your thoughts were on the fairly unusual scenario of when you have great sex with your partner, but it still doesn't inspire them to want to do it regularly? For example, 16 days ago me and my wife had great spontaneous sex, where I blindfolded her and masturbated her to orgasm, whilst kissing her neck, breasts, mouth etc. I then went down and performed oral on her until she came again-it is something I enjoy doing and she loves it too! We then ended it by having hard, passionate sex. It was wonderful, and something I'd like to do more often, frankly! Pleasuring her is my main enjoyment. However, however, this was the last time we had sex, 16 days ago! I am at a total loss as to why, i have had my sexual advances rejected about 5-6 times since then. Each time I tried to make it fun, dressed up nice, put aftershave on, and she was really scathing in her rejections, saying I was lecherous, etc. She's not been ill, she's not been on her period, she just plain out doesn't wanna do it! I am pretty frustrated now and not really confident enough to even bother initiating, I think why bother? And just look at porn to get my kicks now. I'm 30, she's 36. Anyone else in a similar boat, where the sex IS great, but such a rarity?
Posted via Mobile Device

My first thought is that she is ashamed of sex. Maybe the "naughtiness" of your last encounter made that issue worse. Just a gut feeling from past experience.

Another possibility / factor is that she was so satisfied by the last encounter she does not want more. I'm not saying to just get your rocks off and ignore her preferences, but strike a better balance between the two of you. Maybe leave her wanting a little more next time?