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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 07-14-2012, 12:24 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Thanks sadc for the very interesting experience of yours. I hope more people can share their own real-life experiences and what effect they had on their relationship or marriage.JR
Did it with a previous wife. The effect on the marriage was negligible. It was an interesting thing which I filed under the category of "more fun in fantasy than real life". Overall I'm glad I had the experience.

In my current marriage with Carol we have not done a threesome, poly, swinging or anything else involving another person sexually but it's an option that I'm exploring. Our marriage is "alternative" enough that my thoughts on it wouldn't make much sense in the framework you're thinking about it.
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Old 07-18-2012, 02:16 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I had threesomes with my late wife on numerous occasions. We had FMF and MFM the later more than the former. It was just about sex and feeling good. One of the problems that did come up was the idea that the other guy would want to get my wife alone at a later time and have sex with her behind my back. It was almost a challenge for one in particular guy. It seems that once a guy has had sex with a woman he seems to think that he has some sort of control over or right to that lady afterwards. My wife and I always kept each other informed when this would occur. One way around this would be to stay away from people that you know. She even had one tell her that he would never share her if he was her husband, hoping to steal her away I guess. Funny thing is she enjoyed it as much as I did. Our relationship was strong as ever when I lost her to cancer at the age of 33. Boy can things in your life ever change fast. My current wife is much more conservative and would never consider a three way. Probably best that way. Don’t need guys showing up while I am at work to just be friendly with my wife? Oh wait that has happened anyway. Still didn’t get him anywhere with current wife. It is Easier for a lady to deny a guy when she hasn’t had sex with him before.
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Old 07-18-2012, 04:39 PM   #18 (permalink)
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One topic that has caught my attention lately in this forum is that of couples that are married or in a long-term relationship considering introducing a third person into their own sexual activity, many times to fulfill a fantasy of one or both partners. I have my own personal theories about what kind of effect this activity can have on a marriage/relationship, but none of this is based on any real empirical evidence or information from couples that have opened themselves up to this. Therefore, I am curious to hear some real life experiences from couples that have actually taken this leap in their relationship. Specifically, was the overall effect on your relationship positive or negative? How has your sex life been since having a threesome? Better? Worse?

Thank you in advance for anything that would help me form a more informed opinion on the matter.

JR
Based upon married friends who have done this it's turned out to be negative in every single case - even when both parties both wanted it (not just one spouse pressuring the spouse into it).

YMMV.

Would never dream of it. Had plenty of opportunities for threesomes when I was younger and passed. Do not regret doing so. Just not my cup of tea - and I'm definitely no prude.
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Old 07-22-2012, 12:06 PM   #19 (permalink)
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My wife and I have had a guy for an ongoing threesome for about a year now. I love watching her have fun with him and I also participate. My only concern is that she allows him to do things to her that I have never done or probably never be allowed to do. That being....he has face fu**** her while holding her arms down (not something I've ever been allowed to do)....he's grabbed the back of her head while she was giving him a bj (something she normally hates as she's had other guys in the past try to force her down on their c***)....and in our last encounter he was first to finger, eat and f*** her bareback (not something I've ever done with another woman other than her)and every time he comes over he gets to **** her 3 or 4 times (my wife and I, ONCE every three days)....and we had agreed from the start that I would always be first as would she. She's said that I'm enough for her but then again if I was....wouldn't we be having sex 2 or 3 times each time and more often than every three days? I find myself at odds over all of this....we've been swingers for about 6yrs now and it's been 3yrs since I've had another woman and she's had 6 different guys since then. We got into the lifestyle to explore couples and single guys but to me it seems more like she's the one getting all the excitement of a new lay.....and I get nothing new. And now it seems that she wants to have a gang bang for her upcoming birthday. What should I do? I like the idea of the gang bang but at the same time....I would feel like she's getting more out of the lifestyle yet again.

It begs the question....would she be as upset if the tables were turned? If I was the one getting all the fun and she was doing all the work to make it happen for me....and I didn't put the same effort into getting a couple as I would getting a woman.

Tell me what you guys/gals think of this situation !!
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Old 07-22-2012, 12:28 PM   #20 (permalink)
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My wife and I have had a guy for an ongoing threesome for about a year now. I love watching her have fun with him and I also participate. My only concern is that she allows him to do things to her that I have never done or probably never be allowed to do. That being....he has face fu**** her while holding her arms down (not something I've ever been allowed to do)....he's grabbed the back of her head while she was giving him a bj (something she normally hates as she's had other guys in the past try to force her down on their c***)....and in our last encounter he was first to finger, eat and f*** her bareback (not something I've ever done with another woman other than her)and every time he comes over he gets to **** her 3 or 4 times (my wife and I, ONCE every three days)....and we had agreed from the start that I would always be first as would she. She's said that I'm enough for her but then again if I was....wouldn't we be having sex 2 or 3 times each time and more often than every three days? I find myself at odds over all of this....we've been swingers for about 6yrs now and it's been 3yrs since I've had another woman and she's had 6 different guys since then. We got into the lifestyle to explore couples and single guys but to me it seems more like she's the one getting all the excitement of a new lay.....and I get nothing new. And now it seems that she wants to have a gang bang for her upcoming birthday. What should I do? I like the idea of the gang bang but at the same time....I would feel like she's getting more out of the lifestyle yet again.

It begs the question....would she be as upset if the tables were turned? If I was the one getting all the fun and she was doing all the work to make it happen for me....and I didn't put the same effort into getting a couple as I would getting a woman.

Tell me what you guys/gals think of this situation !!
Jay you need to have your wife read this post. If she truly cares about you, she needs to know that her actions are telling you otherwise. She's got to realize that resentment is brewing up inside you and that if it continues to grow, then the marriage may have its days numbered.
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Old 07-22-2012, 01:15 PM   #21 (permalink)
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My wife and I have had a guy for an ongoing threesome for about a year now. I love watching her have fun with him and I also participate. My only concern is that she allows him to do things to her that I have never done or probably never be allowed to do. That being....he has face fu**** her while holding her arms down (not something I've ever been allowed to do)....he's grabbed the back of her head while she was giving him a bj (something she normally hates as she's had other guys in the past try to force her down on their c***)....and in our last encounter he was first to finger, eat and f*** her bareback (not something I've ever done with another woman other than her)and every time he comes over he gets to **** her 3 or 4 times (my wife and I, ONCE every three days)....and we had agreed from the start that I would always be first as would she. She's said that I'm enough for her but then again if I was....wouldn't we be having sex 2 or 3 times each time and more often than every three days? I find myself at odds over all of this....we've been swingers for about 6yrs now and it's been 3yrs since I've had another woman and she's had 6 different guys since then. We got into the lifestyle to explore couples and single guys but to me it seems more like she's the one getting all the excitement of a new lay.....and I get nothing new. And now it seems that she wants to have a gang bang for her upcoming birthday. What should I do? I like the idea of the gang bang but at the same time....I would feel like she's getting more out of the lifestyle yet again.

It begs the question....would she be as upset if the tables were turned? If I was the one getting all the fun and she was doing all the work to make it happen for me....and I didn't put the same effort into getting a couple as I would getting a woman.

Tell me what you guys/gals think of this situation !!
What do I think? I think that unless you want to be sitting in the corner playing with yourself, allowing another man to take control of your sex life is very risky.

My GF of 18 months and I have had a few experiences with other people. The first time was the "roughest" due to the combination of people, but we talked it out after, and in the end, I think we came out of it closer because of the communication. It showed us that we can talk about things that seem like they might be painful or uncomfortable and deal with it. We've had other experiences since then, and they've been fun.

It's not something we do all the time, and the fantasy is included whenever we like. All in all, this feels MUCH healthier than the vanilla pudding sex life with my STBXW because I know I can share with my GF without concern of being judged, and she's the same. I attribute a lot of that to the way our relationship started... We started as a "NSA" situation (not even as friends), so we had no fears of losing them.

C
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Old 07-22-2012, 01:20 PM   #22 (permalink)
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My wife and I have had a guy for an ongoing threesome for about a year now. I love watching her have fun with him and I also participate. My only concern is that she allows him to do things to her that I have never done or probably never be allowed to do. That being....he has face fu**** her while holding her arms down (not something I've ever been allowed to do)....he's grabbed the back of her head while she was giving him a bj (something she normally hates as she's had other guys in the past try to force her down on their c***)....and in our last encounter he was first to finger, eat and f*** her bareback (not something I've ever done with another woman other than her)and every time he comes over he gets to **** her 3 or 4 times (my wife and I, ONCE every three days)....and we had agreed from the start that I would always be first as would she. She's said that I'm enough for her but then again if I was....wouldn't we be having sex 2 or 3 times each time and more often than every three days? I find myself at odds over all of this....we've been swingers for about 6yrs now and it's been 3yrs since I've had another woman and she's had 6 different guys since then. We got into the lifestyle to explore couples and single guys but to me it seems more like she's the one getting all the excitement of a new lay.....and I get nothing new. And now it seems that she wants to have a gang bang for her upcoming birthday. What should I do? I like the idea of the gang bang but at the same time....I would feel like she's getting more out of the lifestyle yet again.

It begs the question....would she be as upset if the tables were turned? If I was the one getting all the fun and she was doing all the work to make it happen for me....and I didn't put the same effort into getting a couple as I would getting a woman.

Tell me what you guys/gals think of this situation !!
I think you are seeing you wife replacing your spot a alpha with this new guy.

There is NOTHING he should be allowed to do that you are denied. NOTHING. The alpha always gets everything.

And now you see him pushing you aside and taking firsts.

And she's allowed it.

I hope you've got the guts and the rule of if either of you veto a partner - then they go in the swinging rules you are living by, because this guy is crossing many boundaries and she's let him.

You sir are now being demoted by your wife and him to 2nd place and him as alpha.

You need to dump him as a partner, he's shown his true colors and even if you talk to him/her, he and she will continue to push the boundaries again.

Even if you dump - fully expect that he will try to hookup with your wife behind your back. And there is good chance she will let him, since she's already letting him do things she won't let you do.

You're right now on very dangerous ground.
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Old 07-22-2012, 01:22 PM   #23 (permalink)
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JayAndElle -

I think the fact that she restricts what you can do , but the other guy has no boundaries from her. He gets more even you do meet, and she now wants a gang bang....

dude - you ain't enough for her, and it's very clear you are being down graded to someone she has to have sex with because you are married - but you aren't someone she wants to have sex with.
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Old 07-22-2012, 02:16 PM   #24 (permalink)
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My wife and I have had a guy for an ongoing threesome for about a year now. I love watching her have fun with him and I also participate. My only concern is that she allows him to do things to her that I have never done or probably never be allowed to do. That being....he has face fu**** her while holding her arms down (not something I've ever been allowed to do)....he's grabbed the back of her head while she was giving him a bj (something she normally hates as she's had other guys in the past try to force her down on their c***)....and in our last encounter he was first to finger, eat and f*** her bareback (not something I've ever done with another woman other than her)and every time he comes over he gets to **** her 3 or 4 times (my wife and I, ONCE every three days)....and we had agreed from the start that I would always be first as would she. She's said that I'm enough for her but then again if I was....wouldn't we be having sex 2 or 3 times each time and more often than every three days? I find myself at odds over all of this....we've been swingers for about 6yrs now and it's been 3yrs since I've had another woman and she's had 6 different guys since then. We got into the lifestyle to explore couples and single guys but to me it seems more like she's the one getting all the excitement of a new lay.....and I get nothing new. And now it seems that she wants to have a gang bang for her upcoming birthday. What should I do? I like the idea of the gang bang but at the same time....I would feel like she's getting more out of the lifestyle yet again.

It begs the question....would she be as upset if the tables were turned? If I was the one getting all the fun and she was doing all the work to make it happen for me....and I didn't put the same effort into getting a couple as I would getting a woman.

Tell me what you guys/gals think of this situation !!
So this is a great example of a full blown cuckold situation / fantasy. You enjoy being humliated.
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Old 07-22-2012, 02:47 PM   #25 (permalink)
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So this is a great example of a full blown cuckold situation / fantasy. You enjoy being humliated.
Yeah especially the bareback. Next she'll be having his children.
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Old 07-22-2012, 02:58 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Yeah especially the bareback. Next she'll be having his children.
Of course... and passing them off as the husband's. Wait, then it'll come back that either he's had a vasectomy or is just plain unable to have children. I actually expect the vasectomy tho. I know of a guy who was in this situation...cuckold, she had regular lovers, he wasn't allowed. Sounds so familiar it's a bit scary. They split up for other reasons...except I recall him mentioning once that he didn't think it fair that she wouldn't allow him to have any lovers. And, he believed she only kept hers to make him happy. Weird.
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Old 07-22-2012, 03:16 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Hey guys thanks for all your comments. Let me see if I can set some things straight. My wife has had an hysterectomy so she can't have anymore kids. As for the boundaries.....I like that she'll do more than she says....and we have done some of the stuff described. However my biggest problem with it all is that she has allowed him more leeway to do such things. And no I don't think I'm being replaced....we have some of the best sex on our own too...one thing she's let me do that he never will is a***. If it came to that then I'd know for sure something is up! Also it's not that she won't let me have another woman but that she's overly picky of whom I f*** and doesn't put as much effort into chatting with a couple as opposed to another guy.

Marchica75: we did get into swinging by my request...and it has been a fantasy of mine to see her with another guy. And she has said that very thing "I'm doing it for you!".
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Old 07-22-2012, 03:22 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Old 07-22-2012, 03:23 PM   #29 (permalink)
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I see divorce in your future
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Old 07-22-2012, 03:41 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Me and my wife tried having a threesome, but the batteries were dead.

Make no mistake it felt empowering being the alpha male when the third party couldn't perfom. haha everready bunny!
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