Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Disagree. My wife likes me to hold her down and be forceful. She does not have rape fantasies. She's told me enough of her other kinky fantasies that I would know it If she had rape fantasies.
Chrissy,
You would start this with the best of intentions but these other men would become attached to you. When you did not feel the same you'd come off as a tease and make them angry. Or more likely you'd develop an attachment to one of them. He'd really understand you, hd be your soulmate. What you're proposing is really a gateway to an affair. Do you want to stay wi your husband? Then don't do this.
Communicate. Find some porn that shows it the way you like it. Watch it together. Tell him you want that.
Maricha, mattmatt is very far off the mark if he thinks that a woman saying she wants to be held down and f*ucked hard by her husband is the same as her wanting to be raped by 2 or more men. Really, is not even comparable. Maybe she just wants passion, desire, pure ****ty lust with her husband. I think that should be aplauded if anything.
I do agree that her having sexually intimate conversations with other men is wrong. It would be bad fo her marriage. I won't get into all of the other stuff you mentioned, because that's all so unlikely that its actually funny to read lol
Its like saying you shouldn't go to the store cause their might be a robber, the robber might kidnap you, then he could ransom you to a pig farmer, but the farmers out of pigs so he gives a cow instead, but the robber doesn't eat beef etc
Chrissy don't have sexual conversations with other men, its not right and I think you know that just help your husband become the lover that you want. Also understand that that may not be natural to him, so you've gotta compromise and work with him. He's your husband and he loves you Posted via Mobile Device
I never mentioned two or more men.
She will talk or have video chats with men or a man about the kind of sex she fantasises about them giving her, then go and have sex with her husband.
Anyone see the potential for some disrespect, there?
Maricha, mattmatt is very far off the mark if he thinks that a woman saying she wants to be held down and f*ucked hard by her husband is the same as her wanting to be raped by 2 or more men. Really, is not even comparable. Maybe she just wants passion, desire, pure ****ty lust with her husband. I think that should be aplauded if anything.
And, I agree, if she wants her HUSBAND to do those things, fine... but she was talking about chatting with other men about it. I agree with you, not a good idea for the marriage. Matt, initially, didn't say anything was wrong with wanting her HUSBAND to do it. What he was addressing was OTHER MEN.
Quote:
I do agree that her having sexually intimate conversations with other men is wrong. It would be bad fo her marriage. I won't get into all of the other stuff you mentioned, because that's all so unlikely that its actually funny to read lol
Its like saying you shouldn't go to the store cause their might be a robber, the robber might kidnap you, then he could ransom you to a pig farmer, but the farmers out of pigs so he gives a cow instead, but the robber doesn't eat beef etc
Which part is unlikely? The possible rapist tracking her down? Or an EA developing? Seriously, neither is that difficult to do. If she chats with MSN/Yahoo/AIM, all you have to do is search for the ID, see if any similar names are used, etc... Guess what? You have the identity. It isn't as unlikely as you think.
And the EA developing? Clearly that won't happen. She is married, after all... how can you develop feelings for someone else that you chat with regularly, when you are married, right?
The one thing you and I agree on, don't do sexy chats/kinky chats/flirting with someone other than your own spouse.
I guess you are right, that I need to tell him more. I just hate that I always have to initiate it. For once I want him to come in and just take me! I just didn't think flirting at work was such a big deal. I don't want to hurt my husband but I am just frustrated.
I felt I should post this, since it seems appropriate for this conversation.
The point is, he's your husband, and you should tell him you want aggressive sex. Maybe he's nervous about doing this, because, as MattMatt is pointing out, it does feel a bit rape-y.
Why not tell him you really, badly want him to come home one day and just angry !@#$ you? Tell him to surprise you. If he is still apprehensive, designate an outfit for yourself that you both mutually understand as the "angry-sex outfit." This way, when he gets home from work and sees you wearing it, he will feel more comfortable about taking and ravaging you.
Wow!!!! Rape fantasies and losing my kids? Wtf I like some spanking and a little dominance from him, and you go to that extreme. I get what you ate dating but geez. Your post kind of shocked me!
Good. I meant it to. Why? Because trust me, the kind of men you'd speak to who go for talks about sexual dominance in chatrooms or on line almost certainly do harbour rape fantasies. Or worse.
And what might start as some innocent chats about light or heavy bondage, spanking, etc., could get pretty nasty, eventually.
There was a case in the UK when a man started off with some fairly mild flirtatious, sexy chats with a couple of women on a chat forum. Eventually he got these two innocent as lambs, ordinary women so warped that they -and he- are doing jail time as a result of what he -eventually- had them doing for him. Their husbands divorced them and got full custody of their children. But it did all start out as some fairly innocent, flirtatious chats...
And, I agree, if she wants her HUSBAND to do those things, fine... but she was talking about chatting with other men about it. I agree with you, not a good idea for the marriage. Matt, initially, didn't say anything was wrong with wanting her HUSBAND to do it. What he was addressing was OTHER MEN.
Which part is unlikely? The possible rapist tracking her down? Or an EA developing? Seriously, neither is that difficult to do. If she chats with MSN/Yahoo/AIM, all you have to do is search for the ID, see if any similar names are used, etc... Guess what? You have the identity. It isn't as unlikely as you think.
And the EA developing? Clearly that won't happen. She is married, after all... how can you develop feelings for someone else that you chat with regularly, when you are married, right?
The one thing you and I agree on, don't do sexy chats/kinky chats/flirting with someone other than your own spouse.
Matt actually said chrissy's husband is too much of "real man" to have rough sex with her. His post is on the first page somwhere. Apparently to him, only a rapist or sadist would be that lusty and carnal with their wives..... real men are much too precious for that lol
I won't retype my store robber/pig farmer story lol, I'm sure you understood it the first time. An EA is possible, all of the other stuff (though possible) is highly unlikey. Just because a guy wants to pull hair pr smack her a*s, it doesn't mean he wants to track her down, stalk her, and rape her. It really doesn't...
I think chrissy gets it, naughty messaging with others is bad Posted via Mobile Device
Yeah when you are talking with other men about things like that it can get dangerous..these could be creepy men looking for a woman to control, brainwash and rape. Please don't talk to any othe men but hubby Posted via Mobile Device
I am 31 and I have been married for 4 years and together for 8 years. I love my husband and he is a wonderful husband and father. We have two kids, ages 1 and 3. We have sex every other day or so, and sometimes it is great sex and sometimes just ok. I know there are times he watches porn and I'm fine with that. My issue is, I like somewhat kinky sex, from being held down, spanking and just a more aggressive type of sex. My husband trys but he just doesn't do those kind of things I want. So I kind of flirt at work and get a lot of attention that I love. I don't do anything else but I was thinking of maybe starting to chat online with someone. I would have some sexual chat and then have sex with my husband. It may sound bad, but I see it as my kind of porn. What is the difference? He is watching girls and getting pleasure and I would have fun with just words on a computer. Do you see anything really bad about this?
One is looking at pictures and videos. The other is unfaithful / cheating with a real person.
Also you are fine with his porn usage. He is not fine with your flirting? If not you are being unfaithful by definitaion when you do it. Does he know what you are doing?
Porn is not tha same as cheating unless it involves real interaction with other people. I am not arguing that porn in itesle is good or bad. But is it not the same as cheating with another person.
So I suggest you knock it off for the good of your marriage unless your husband is ok with the level of open marriage.
In essence you admit to going outside your marriage to be satified. Are you also telling others about your husbands inability to satify you? I hope you work it out with him and stop being unfaithful. At some point if this is a deal breaker for you then it would be better to divorce him before you seek out others.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
I was thinking of maybe starting to chat online with someone. I would have some sexual chat and then have sex with my husband. It may sound bad, but I see it as my kind of porn. What is the difference? He is watching girls and getting pleasure and I would have fun with just words on a computer. Do you see anything really bad about this?
When you have to start stretching to justify it, it's cheating. And yes, it's cheating.
Matt actually said chrissy's husband is too much of "real man" to have rough sex with her. His post is on the first page somwhere. Apparently to him, only a rapist or sadist would be that lusty and carnal with their wives..... real men are much too precious for that lol
I won't retype my store robber/pig farmer story lol, I'm sure you understood it the first time. An EA is possible, all of the other stuff (though possible) is highly unlikey. Just because a guy wants to pull hair pr smack her a*s, it doesn't mean he wants to track her down, stalk her, and rape her. It really doesn't...
I think chrissy gets it, naughty messaging with others is bad Posted via Mobile Device
If mocking another poster at TAM make you feel special, if you require that for a bit of validation? Then good for you! Go for it!
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Flirting may not be cheating, but it's inappropriate. You're married. You're telling us you're getting your sexual fix from other men, then getting release from your husband?
Yeah, that's bad. Stop doing that.
You know what's like watching porn? Watching porn. If you need some extra kinky/hardcore action to get you excited, then watch such porn with him.
He will be very hurt when he finds out what you're doing. It's a slap to the face, because you're essentially telling him that his isn't adequate enough to satisfy you sexually, and that you need to get your fix outside the marriage.
I don't know how explicit you are with your husband, but when my ex wanted me to !@#$ her a certain way, she would tell me, in no uncertain terms, exactly what she wanted.
If you want him to hold you down and ravage you, tell him to hold you down and !@#$ you as hard as he can. Spanking? Tell him to spank you. Hair pulling? Tell him to pull on your hair and ride you fast and hard.
But tell him.
He may not want to have sex with you like that all the time. But I'm sure he can compromise, and meet you halfway. Stop flirting at work. Stop sex-chatting. You will ruin your marriage.
You are awesome, I love your posts!
Not just insightful but very good advice as well. You have a way of getting to the real deal and cutting through the garbage.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
I think the OP has what can be classified as a fetish.
Because her husband is probably not into that stuff,she finds it hard to satisfy her sexual desires outside of that fetish.
People who have fetishes only get sexual satisfaction through their particular fetish.
The BDSM turns her on so much that she is seeking out like minded people outside of her marriage to flip her switch on.
She is thinking that nothing is wrong wioth it because after the initial stimuli , she goes and has sex with her husband.[Hence her justification of his porn usage.]
Maybe she needs some sort of counselling [ probably sex therapist?] to fix the problem.
I say problem because her husband is just not into BDSM.
101Likes
just help your husband become the lover that you want. Also understand that that may not be natural to him, so you've gotta compromise and work with him. He's your husband and he loves you
