Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Think very very long about this one. There are many things which you might not think about. None of which are pleasant. It might be the thing that changes both of you forever, with no chance of regaining what you once were.
Knew someone who was into that trading/sharing stuff. Sounded like they treated each other with little respect, especially the women, once the crowd got to know them. I do mean crowd. There will be more than just one, lots more. You will be able to go to certain places where the "club members" hang out. Your wife and you will walk in and the guys will grab her and touch her. How will you guys be able to get that respect back? Maybe that doesn't bother you, I don't know. What will you do when she is dared to do a bunch of guys in the parking lot of the place or when you are at a bar and turn to look for her and she is gone? How will you feel? Don't worry though, she'll be right back, but don't kiss her till she brushes her teeth. I am not saying this will happen. I just want to share some thoughts. It is your life.
That seems pretty extreme. I don't really agree with the lifestyle but I would think it wouldn't be that hard to have a rule that all swapping is equal. That if a man wants her he has to provide his wife to him. That escalating to gang bangs in parking lots is off limits.
fair enough...i never read Lifestlye Lounge but I have been on SwinglifeStyle and I have read A TON of people that are happy with the lifestyle they have chosen and are still VERY married.
yeah I've seen bad ones on there as well
I felt the same way when reading that site yet, everyone I met from there gave off signals that something was off, you could just sense that one of the couples felt forced into it or that they hated each other or something was just plain weird
I don't doubt that there are some committed couples who can pull this off, it's just nowhere as common as the site makes it seem.
Knew someone who was into that trading/sharing stuff. Sounded like they treated each other with little respect, especially the women, once the crowd got to know them. I do mean crowd. There will be more than just one, lots more. You will be able to go to certain places where the "club members" hang out. Your wife and you will walk in and the guys will grab her and touch her. How will you guys be able to get that respect back? Maybe that doesn't bother you, I don't know. What will you do when she is dared to do a bunch of guys in the parking lot of the place or when you are at a bar and turn to look for her and she is gone? How will you feel? Don't worry though, she'll be right back, but don't kiss her till she brushes her teeth. I am not saying this will happen. I just want to share some thoughts. It is your life.
That reminds me, I dated a guy once who wanted the sharing/swapping thing. This was a long time ago and it was certainly a more casual relationship.
We went to two different swinging clubs, because I entertained the thought for a minute. I've seen a few mention those on this thread. One that we went to was pretty gross. And I swear Richard gere was there, and made a pass at me.. lol. Anyway, there were clothed and unclothed people there. There were people making out/having sex on the dance floor and in private rooms..sort of private anyway. I guess my buddy frequented them often and suggested if I talk to a guy or girl in the club, that gave the go ahead that we were down with swapping.
no offence but some people seem a bit prudish here..
I cannot imagine how a man can be jealous of his wife dating another woman? Lol, actually there was a time when my wife had that fantasy and I told her to feel free and do whatever she wanted as long as no other man was involved. As a result I got a phone call from my wife one day to come by (she was visiting a friend) and I was going to have pretty crazy night..
Disclaimer: All of this happened about 10 years ago, our relation was really good back then and it never took "damage" from that. It was an adventure that we both enjoyed...
Knew someone who was into that trading/sharing stuff. Sounded like they treated each other with little respect, especially the women, once the crowd got to know them. I do mean crowd. There will be more than just one, lots more. You will be able to go to certain places where the "club members" hang out. Your wife and you will walk in and the guys will grab her and touch her. How will you guys be able to get that respect back? Maybe that doesn't bother you, I don't know. What will you do when she is dared to do a bunch of guys in the parking lot of the place or when you are at a bar and turn to look for her and she is gone? How will you feel? Don't worry though, she'll be right back, but don't kiss her till she brushes her teeth. I am not saying this will happen. I just want to share some thoughts. It is your life.
ehh...I do not go to those clubs and never would.
I'm not even into swinging.....but my wife likes to hook up with a chic every once in a blue moon and i'm all game for that.
no offence but some people seem a bit prudish here.. I cannot imagine how a man can be jealous of his wife dating another woman? Lol, actually there was a time when my wife had that fantasy and I told her to feel free and do whatever she wanted as long as no other man was involved. As a result I got a phone call from my wife one day to come by (she was visiting a friend) and I was going to have pretty crazy night..
Disclaimer: All of this happened about 10 years ago, our relation was really good back then and it never took "damage" from that. It was an adventure that we both enjoyed...
Because everyone is an individual human being with their own thoughts and feelings, maybe?
Jealousy knows no gender. Real-life anecdote. I know it will sound like I made it up, but it's a true story:
There are some people I used to work with: a married couple and another woman. The wife in the couple identified herself as bi. According to both her and her husband, they would sometimes find a woman for her. The third party was a lesbian. She struck up a good platonic friendship with the couple. She and the wife fell for one another, the wife determined that, rather than bi, she was gay. She and her husband divorced, and the two women have now been together as long (or longer) than she and her husband were together.
Now, will this happen every time? Of course not. But the more people (and their emotions) that you introduce into a relationship, the more unknowns you introduce.
Despite the near-demise of our marriage due to her infidelity (with a man), I still feel that my wife being with another woman is something that I can see differently. She disagrees. And, rather than risk giving our marriage a double-tap to the head, she opts to let the fantasy remain just that.
Because everyone is an individual human being with their own thoughts and feelings, maybe?
sure, but I also wrote that I could not imagine being jealous of a woman... sry if I made the impression to imply something for other people (obviousely, English is not my first language. I did not mean to be harsh but I see that my writing was not very adequate..)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grayson
There are some people I used to work with: a married couple and another woman. The wife in the couple identified herself as bi. According to both her and her husband, they would sometimes find a woman for her. The third party was a lesbian. She struck up a good platonic friendship with the couple. She and the wife fell for one another, the wife determined that, rather than bi, she was gay. She and her husband divorced, and the two women have now been together as long (or longer) than she and her husband were together.
Now, will this happen every time? Of course not. But the more people (and their emotions) that you introduce into a relationship, the more unknowns you introduce.
That story seems very sad for the husband indeed. However, if it didn`t happen that way, then it could have ended very sad for the woman. Imagine the tragedy of noticing to have lived a live not in accord with ones desires/nature when it is too late? On the other hand, from my perspective, this is still a way to lose your love that allows for a good and friendly relationship after, it has the flavor of an "act of nature beyond control" i.e. no one can be blamed...
That story seems very sad for the husband indeed. However, if it didn`t happen that way, then it could have ended very sad for the woman. Imagine the tragedy of noticing to have lived a live not in accord with ones desires/nature when it is too late? On the other hand, from my perspective, this is still a way to lose your love that allows for a good and friendly relationship after, it has the flavor of an "act of nature beyond control" i.e. no one can be blamed...
rgrds
That's a very sugar coated answer.
When one partner begins an affair with another person, rarely does it end with everyone being friends and the one spouse being liberated from her sexual shackles. When the wife started a relationship outside of her husband's knowledge/blessing with this woman (IE, seeing her without the husbands consent), that's an affair. I doubt many people on here would look at that situation and say 'yeah, that's cool that my wife is licking lips with another woman behind my back. She was a lesbain anyways and it's great that she has followed her sexual desires this way. Let's all be friends.'
Think of it in another light. If I wanted sex with my wife 10 times a day, and she didn't, is it ok for me to go and get a mistress on the side so I could satisfy whatever cravings my wife couldn't/wouldn't? No, it's not. So how is it ok if the mistress is the same sex?
Ah, see, there is the difference, it's not a lifestyle for you and your wife, it's something you do on occasion, as you say "every once in a blue moon". I think it's the couples that get seriously into the whole lifestyle on a regular basis, those are the ones who tend to eventually have problems in their relationships. A very small percentage may actually have a lasting relationship, but I didn't seem to run into any that sounded like they were truly in love with their partner. It was very strange to me, and I reasoned that the risks, at least for me, were not worth it. Now OP may be different... then again he may just be like you and have the occasional encounter which may work for them.
yeah I could never do that lifestyle...it would seem very strange to me....and quite frankly it's not anything I feel I need in my life.
I hate to bring up an semi-old topic, but as I only recently happened on this site, I can't very well go back in time.
To start, There is NOTHING wrong with fantasy, nor is there anything INHERENTLY wrong with making that a reality. All the attitudes and speaking from experience aside, YOUR particular situation does not dictate anyone else's. Obviously if your spouse did XXX, or you had friends that YYY happened to, you would be gunshy, but THOSE experiences should not control what happens when you are with someone you believe you are meant to be with. Guess what? If fantasy fulfillment leads to the end of the line, then it wasn't meant to be.
I did love the Cocaine analogy, so I am NOT discounting that the introduction of ZZZ won't be the catalyst for bad things happening. Similarly, she could just as easily try cocaine on her own (or cheat or whatever) and the same result occurs. I WOULD rather be there the first time to make sure things don't go wrong. If I didn't agree with it and didn't think it was good for us, I would protest. THAT alone might be the end if she REALLY want to try it.
So, I agree with Fargas and have a very similar story. Married over 10 years now with two grown kids (my steps). Wife knew my greatest fantasy was seeing her with another woman. She allowed that with one of her friends in our fifth year of marriage and it was the greatest gift ever! Since then, we have SPORADICALLY enjoyed it a few times and it has kept things new and taken our sex life from a 6/7 to a 10!
We have our RULES that are SET IN STONE and some rules that are more flexible depending on the situation. I understand all the nay sayers and those who don't agree. That is fine for you and you have every right to NOT want this as much as some of us DO want it. I know for myself, I would not be as happy in life without this. Maybe that is indicative of mental issues I need to resolve, but I guarantee it has nothing to do with the sanctity or seriousness of my relationship. It is JUST like spicing it up with role play or toys.
I also understand those who can't get past the "Other Person" aspect. While I don't want to compare the OP to an object, for this purpose, they understand they are not coming into a relationship for themselves; This is not the time for developing values and learning about them, this is raw animilistic enjoyment. They are single, sexually explorative women and usually, very good friends. We love and care for them as any other friend we have and they know this. They also know at the end of the day, we will remain the couple and if they want to have this type of fun in the future, they know who to call. And yes, we do hang out with them OUTSIDE of this aspect and enjoy their company as PEOPLE WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.
We just also happen to enjoy mature, adult fun that is respectful and mutually beneficial.
Does it invite problems? Most certainly it can, but if you are open and communicative and everyone knows their role for this adventure, it can REALLY open up a new world.
So OP, I hope you understand it CAN be great just as you understand it CAN lead to things that you don't want to happen. The risk/reward is something only you can assess and the import of this in your life and relationship is something only you will know. Do you trust her to go to a bar alone and know she will come home to you? Do you stay up sleepless when she works late or do you ACTUALLY trust each other and want to make each other happy, regardless of how demented or perverted others might think? For us, this works and just as ANYTHING can happen to us, I trust that we will survive just as sure as those who would never think of doing this believe they will not fall victim to infidelity or worse.
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Re: Wife admitted she has a female fantasy. 
