Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
We've been married just over 6 years now. I also just posted oru financial issues. I'm concerned about how much affection we show each other.
In the morning, we rarely (or should I say she) kiss and hug each other good morning. Granted I get up weekdays at 5am to work out before getting ready for work.
However, when I'm ready to leave for work I feel like it's pulling teeth to get a decent hug/kiss goodbye. Most times it's just a quick kiss.
She's home when I get home from work, usually making dinner or watching tv and waiting for me. She complains that I never come in the door excited to see her and the kids - stepson and my son. Again rarely a hug or kiss hello, unless I initiate it.
When it comes to sex, I figure we would rarely have any if I didn't initiate it. However, I had heard from my neighbor that it's been months for them.
So what do you consider to be a normal amount of affection?
Everyone is different. The normal amount would be the amount that makes you and your spouse happy. If you want a kiss goodbye, communicate and let her know this is something you want or need. If you get it, that's your normal.
Same old ugly cycle. She doesn't give affection, and wonders why you're not excited to see her? You come home in a mood and wonder why she offers no affection.
Regarding frequency of sex, I think normal would be 1 - 2 days per week. But even that may or may not be what you need for your marriage. When it comes to outward signs of affection, that gets even more subjective and there probably isn't an exact average number for this. I'm sure there are marriages that are very solid where neither spouse shows a lot of outward affection and there are marriages that are crumbling and the spouses are constantly fawning over each other. So this part is hard to quantify IMO.
MC says minimal for a "functioning marriage" is once a week.
Which I'm guessing would be average when you take into account all of the good and bad marriages out there. But I think that frequency is too low, and that 3 - 4 days a week would be healthy.
Our normal is a kiss whenever we see each other at the end of the day, as well as my husband kissing me in my sleep when he leaves. We love to cuddle and we make love at least 3 times a week unless one of us is sick or I am on my period.
Couples can only define what is normal for their relationship. My husband and I could never be happy with sex once a week. I was falling asleep on the couch a lot and my husband asked me to come back to bed with him, so that he could wake up to me again. We are just snuggly like that.
I agree normal is relative. Sex once a week was never good enough for me because I'm an affectionate person. In between sex I want lots of kisses and cuddling. My love language is physical touch so if take that away I'm not going to feel very loved. If I'm not loved my marriage isn't going to make it.
EVERYDAY! hahaahaha.
seriously though, everyone requires different amounts of affection.
i would have to say you need to focus more on the intimacy and work your way up too the amount you both need throughout the week. someone told me told put opn lingerie and just have at it when angry happy sad. it does help surprisingly. who knows!!!!!!!!
She sees our marriage as just fine the way it is, cause she's following like her parents who have been married for 40 or so years. I'm sorry but this is a non-sense excuse. Two people can still be married, and not have a physically loving relationship.
I don't want to share my house with someone. I want to be in a loving relationship. I'm at a point in my life where I have 2 views:
1. Stay in marriage for the sake of my son.
All arguments lately though have turned into her screaming, and at times in front of him. I'm not concerned about her son, he's seen this for a couple of years now.
2. Move on, and this seems to be the best choice.
However, I can't get her to meet with a mediator with me.
Just so we are clear, I've been to and suggested counseling. She states that she knows what her issues are.... WTH does that mean as far as our relationship?
I have read other threads though, and feel that it's time to take the "180" turn. She's similar to other's I've read about - addicted to Instagram and Facebook.
Thank you for the comments, and feel free to keep posting. I'm not set in my ways and have been open to new/other ideas.
IS there a normal amount? i would think it is based on individual preference.
I'm affectionate and very into sex with my SO. in the past relationships I haven't been so free with my affection and with sex.
We are constantly touching each other.Whether it's a kiss on the forehead,rub of the back,slap on the butt,anything at all really.I crave affection from him and he feels the same about me.
and sex?well we both need that daily,sometimes twice daily.It's a bonding,stress relieving activity for us.
mental issues? is there a background of that in her family that you know of?
Im asking because i am bi-polar and i would often THINK i was getting my point across by screaming, but in reality it does nothing but make the situation worse and its demeaning to what communication really is. im sorry that you are hurting :/
for her to turn you down as far as counseling, that says alot about what she is willing to give and willing to fix in your relationship as well as herself. there is NOTHING wrong with counseling. Its actually very theraputic IMO.
The reason is because what is normal to you isn't normal to the next person. Unfortunately, the next person is often your wife.
As a result there is most times only one satisfied person in the marriage, and that is generally whichever one has the lower sex drive. In your case, it sounds like your wife. Even if she does start to offer sex to you as often as you want it, odds are it will be 'duty' sex so she will be unsatified with her sex life, and you may be as well since you'll be getting 'duty' sex, unsually with the minimum of passion.
So you will likely be without anything 'normal' while you are in the current relationship, as it seems your wife is rather reluctant to even communicate about the subject. No communication and no enthusiasm equates to an unhappy relationship.
I'm not advocating for you to get a divorce, just spelling it out that odds are, unless your wife is willing to bend on her stance regarding communication, you aren't likely to find much sexual satisfaction in this marriage.
Affection (kissing, hugging) - several times a day. He's very affectionate. So am I. He hugs and kisses me before he leaves for work and when he returns. He gives me a massage. I return the favor. Sometimes we hold hands when we're out in public or he puts his arm around my shoulder.
She sees our marriage as just fine the way it is, cause she's following like her parents who have been married for 40 or so years. I'm sorry but this is a non-sense excuse. Two people can still be married, and not have a physically loving relationship.
I don't want to share my house with someone. I want to be in a loving relationship. I'm at a point in my life where I have 2 views:
1. Stay in marriage for the sake of my son.
All arguments lately though have turned into her screaming, and at times in front of him. I'm not concerned about her son, he's seen this for a couple of years now.
2. Move on, and this seems to be the best choice.
However, I can't get her to meet with a mediator with me.
Just so we are clear, I've been to and suggested counseling. She states that she knows what her issues are.... WTH does that mean as far as our relationship?
I have read other threads though, and feel that it's time to take the "180" turn. She's similar to other's I've read about - addicted to Instagram and Facebook.
Thank you for the comments, and feel free to keep posting. I'm not set in my ways and have been open to new/other ideas.
"Stay in marriage for the sake of my son." That is my wife's motto. I am divorcing her now. She is happy without sex. She said she is sacrificing for kid to stay in the marriage. She feels like a Saint this way. I am mean enough to derail her dreams and will serve her a divorce paper. Am I bad?
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What is normal amount of affection & sex? 
