Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My wife has been enjoying my income for about 7 years and travelling all over the world with me and enjoying it. But at the same time does not believe in giving a satisfying BJ and other non vanilla activities. I do not want to do anything beyond what she cannot possibly do ... e.g. initiation sometimes and better bjs besides giving physical affection sometimes.... (anal would be good but I do not expect that from her). None of that happens....
On the other hand she thinks I am pervert to suggest cumming inside her mouth or face or even suggesting anal !!!
Just hanging on for my 2 kids currently else...
Guess she has taken advantage of me for being too nice to her.... and being afraid of losing them in divorce.....We have had fights but most if not 95% root cause is the dissatisfying sex....
have tried to talk with her, talked with her, tried various ways, On top of it all she has the gall to yell at me ...
Tried to show her this forum - she thinks all people are oversexed in here.... This morning I said I am divorcing her but then on my own said that I will give it one last try....
In my country that will be a problem due to the language barrier here.
lately trying some non sexual touching ... any ideas what else I should try in my last ditch effort....
Apart from Marriage counselling. sex counselling what else ????
That's awful getting into trouble with your marriage over sex!! Sorry to hear about that. Only thing I could suggest is talking to your wife about how you would love sex to be rather then telling her what she is not doing for you. If you can make the conversation more about your feelings for her and how attractive/sexy she is. During sex try to ask her if she will go one little step more with you then leave it at that if this works take it one small step at a time every time you have sex and she might start to enjoy it herself.
Loosen her up a bit - ask her about any fantasies she has and see if you can make them a reality / play them out. Take baby steps with her, and for goodness sake, make her feel sexy - the vixen will emerge soon enough.
As for 'non-sexual touch' - you want to go for things that don't directly lead to sex (so she doesn't get anxious and shrug it off), but are still very sensual:
kiss on the neck
whisper in her ear that you love her, or that she looks beautiful today
massages
the good old HUG - everybody needs to embrace.
Stop with the divorce threats and the 'just in it for the kids' attitude - it makes you feel worse, her feel helpless and results highly unlikely.
This is more than about sex. This is about getting to a point where both of you strive to please eachother, in all aspects of marriage.
Has she had a very conservative upbringing? If so, and her views on sex remain very 'vanilla', then you need to take your time with her and slowly introduce more kinky/interesting ideas into your sex life.
This is pretty ridiculous. You're going to divorce her because she doesn't like giving blowjobs? And you think your income somehow entitles you to blowjobs? If no blowjobs is really a deal breaker for you you should probably find someone else. Did she give blowjobs when you met her? When you got married 7 years ago did she know no blowjobs was a deal breaker for you?
the key is lots of non-sexual touching, naked cuddling, bonding, lost of kissing, eye gazing.
Do this for two weeks. Don't initiate or have sex. It increases the oxytocin levels in your brains. It makes you both want each other a lot more. It creates completely different feelings.
It's a wonderful start. Then "better BJs" won't enter into it anymore. You will start to really grow passionate about each other and want to please each other more and more.
Okay, so she won't let you cum in her mouth or on her face. What else isn't satisfying about the BJ's?
Just FYI, anal sex is something given, not something you should demand. It can hurt, and more than likely will hurt the first time. To get that you need deep trust, not threats of divorce. Are you willing to let her shove a full size dildo up your butt?
I'm sorry you are having this problem, but honestly, your attitude about the situation makes me wonder if there aren't other issues that probably explain your wife's reservations. Your income doesn't entitle you to blowjobs. More importantly, it's not "your" money singular, it's "your" money as a couple. Sounds to me like she's taking care of kids ... do you pay her a full-time salary for that? Does she clean around the house sometimes? Do you pay her for that? Etc. I wouldn't give a blowjob to a partner that took that attitude with me either.
You say part of your last ditch effort will be to offer more "non-sexual" touching. Umm, shouldn't that be at the core of a loving relationship to begin with?
Finally and most importantly, are you sexually satisfying your wife? Meaning, is she having orgasms during sex with you? (and not faking them). Women that are not being satisfied by their husbands are much less likely to feel liking giving them "extras" (i.e., bj's and anal) and will not be receptive to exploring. Why would she want to if even the vanilla stuff sucks? (not saying this your situation, but if it is, something to ponder!)
Okay, so she won't let you cum in her mouth or on her face. What else isn't satisfying about the BJ's?
Just FYI, anal sex is something given, not something you should demand. It can hurt, and more than likely will hurt the first time. To get that you need deep trust, not threats of divorce. Are you willing to let her shove a full size dildo up your butt?
I think ppl have not been reading my post - she doesnt give me any physical intimacy nor starts one or even so much as hug or kiss me on her own....
BJs - everyone has been able to gather from my post....
Anal - I am respecting her wish for it... As to whether I will allow her or not to push a dildo up mine... answer is yes if she wants to and gets some physical fun out of it... although it does not seem logical. still whatever she would like. I have even asked her to do a prostate massage sometimes and she has not that either....
Seems like my post seems to be that of a guy wanting to divorce just because the wife doesnt give even a mediocre bj or any anal - it is miles away from that situation. Wonder what is making people get it wrong. The whole "women are a weaker sex" mentality should not be indiscriminately applied everywhere..
I think ppl have not been reading my post - she doesnt give me any physical intimacy nor starts one or even so much as hug or kiss me on her own....
BJs - everyone has been able to gather from my post....
Anal - I am respecting her wish for it... As to whether I will allow her or not to push a dildo up mine... answer is yes if she wants to and gets some physical fun out of it... although it does not seem logical. still whatever she would like. I have even asked her to do a prostate massage sometimes and she has not that either....
Seems like my post seems to be that of a guy wanting to divorce just because the wife doesnt give even a mediocre bj or any anal - it is miles away from that situation. Wonder what is making people get it wrong. The whole "women are a weaker sex" mentality should not be indiscriminately applied everywhere..
Probably from the way you presented it. I make all the money, she gets to enjoy it, but she won't suck me off and swallow or give me anal. That was basically your intro. We only know what you tell us. I don't think its a coincidence that various posters got the same picture I did.
If you would have come out with " my wife is withholding any and all types of affection" the answers will be more helpful.
I suspect the language barrier is the problem here on TAM.
He's probably just another too nice guy whose wife takes him for granted.
uvk is that true?
Yes no sexual attention or any physical displays of affection either... if I start and do it all the way then everything is fine.... however lately me asking for BJ lead to arguments...
Sometimes the brain is too fatigued to go through the post before hitting submit... like those emails that are sent without a second lookover ...
Probably from the way you presented it. I make all the money, she gets to enjoy it, but she won't suck me off and swallow or give me anal. That was basically your intro. We only know what you tell us. I don't think its a coincidence that various posters got the same picture I did.
If you would have come out with " my wife is withholding any and all types of affection" the answers will be more helpful.
sorry for not doing the due diligence before hitting submit
4Likes
help for my last ditch effort 
