joelmacdad

I'm sure Athol Kay at Married Man Sex Life would have a field day with this. You can learn in about 5 mins in his book or blog that a woman's orgasm is her responsibility not the man's. When I read that it was a revelation making me realize sometimes I focus too much on the big O with my wife and not the entire process of lovemaking.

Now I can easily tell if she'll go all the way or when it isn't going to happen. When I know its not, I don't pressure at all like I used to. Again, her responsibility.

Doesn't matter if it is clitoral, vaginal, deep spot, g-spot, a-spot if she is not 100% relaxed, comfortable and completely non-distracted it isn't going to happen no matter how hard I try.

And we've had endless conversations about it and I trust her when she says "when I want to I will and I'll show/tell you how to make it happen". That's all I need.

Maricha75

Hmmm... I haven't read his book yet, nor has hubby. But, the one thing I did tell hubby when we first got together was that I refuse to fake it. And I don't. I told him that there will, likely, be times when I don't feel an orgasm coming, and that's ok. I assured him that it doesn't mean I'm not into it. I love sex with him very much. And, there HAVE been those few times when I just couldn't orgasm, no matter what we tried. Now? No. Every time we have sex, I do. I'm happy with that. He knows that when I'm having an orgasm, I am REALLY having one. I may try the methods that have been suggested, but even if it doesn't happen, I'm ok with that.

__________________
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...time-i-do.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...elievable.html

mina

I agree that it is my "responsibility" to have an orgasm but my man does "help" me get there in a lot of ways, otherwise what do I need him for? LOL He can also prevent me from getting there in a lot of ways, like peering into my crotch and asking when is it going to orgasm, or poking around in there like there's a weiner on a campfire he's interested in. Having a man with techniques and who focuses mainly on his own pleasure (i.e. being a man about it without undue "beta concern" about my orgasm) gets my multis going, every time.

CleanJerkSnatch

I am able to have multiple orgasms, both dry orgasms and wet (the dry are better and more real) I'm a male. There are many different ways to approach the multiple for a male and the most general way is wrong (holding it in/kegel). This leades me to suggest practicing reverse kegels and kegels as well for both men & women to be able to "control" your orgasm. We get accustomed to reaching O in one way or just expecting it to "happen" or come. Its a matter of training and trying to time/control your muscle spasms in different ways to experience it.
From my experience, the female just needs to stop worrying, be relaxed with no distractions, then build up closer and closer to orgasm, then instead of just waiting for the big O to come when you feel it is about to come (which from the past it never does), just KEGEL really hard. Some women feel the need to pee so they kegel or "hold it in" so just relax and let it go/push lightly with reverse kegel. I'm going to by what I have been told and passed on to women who have not and it being successful.

Maricha75

There were a couple times when my husband said he WISHED I could/would fake it... but definitely agrees waiting for it to happen is worth it. He only said that when it was taking an hour for me to even get close... I had told him it was ok, I could take care of him.... he said no. I think he loves to hear that moment when I cum. So, yea, I couldn't fake it if I tried....1. I have no clue HOW to fake it. 2. He knows how I sound when I DO....

__________________
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...time-i-do.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...elievable.html

jaquen

Well I'm not really walking around with any "beliefs". It really wouldn't make a difference to my life either way. My experience with the women in my life doesn't line up with your assertions, but that certainly does not disprove your claim.

I do find your beliefs extraordinary considering that reportedly the majority of women have trouble reaching orgasm with vaginal stimulation alone, and your theory would then suggest that the majority of women have deep sexual trauma and/or poor relationships with their father.

I am more curious as to why it would even be a "problem" if many women can't experience a vaginal orgasm without stimulation elsewhere. I mean some women, including my wife, can come from nipple stimulation alone. Is then the suggestion that the many women who can not orgasm from nipple stimulation solely likewise have some deep psychological barrier?

What about men who can orgasm without touching their penis? Do the majority of men who can not climax without penile stimulation also have emotional and mental blocks?

I'm just curious as to what makes vaginal orgasms so particular, so special, that you can claim that they're a universal part of the female design, regardless of whether women are having them or not.

FirstYearDown

I am very blessed when it comes to orgasms. I have multiples which can be clitoral or vaginal. Your wife can try squeezing her vaginal muscles around your penis during sex.

Plan 9 from OS

Most times we have sex I can feel my wife squeezing during sex. Sometimes she'll do it on purpose but most of the time it is involuntary as we get more into it. Not to sound arrogant (I'm not really), but I'm thinking that her issue is more along the lines of being mental as opposed to physical. My wife can get stressed out fairly easily and she can be bothered by things that happen throughout the day. I'm not saying she's a basket case by any means, but she definitely gets affected by what happens during the day. I'll have to figure out ways to try to get her more relaxed and get her mind off of life's pressures.

Sprout

Plan 9 from OS

Yesterday my wife and I had relations and she ended up having a good vaginal orgasm. I was pretty happy. We were just laying in bed together on a Sunday afternoon watching football with the kids occupying themselves and out of the way. To cut to the chase and to minimize details, we were caressing each other in a relaxing way, I moved towards her erogenous zones and was able to get her more into the mood, spoon sex, went down on her for about a min, finished up in missionary with her legs wrapped around me. I could tell it was a real one due to her body and I was happy with myself.

It was definitely a good orgasm. Out of curiosity, I asked her if it felt more intense than a clitoral orgasm. She responded that it didn't matter which type she got and that both were equivalent to her. I'll admit, I'm a little surprised by this because I thought a vaginal orgasm would feel better than just a clitoral orgasm. I supposed I have to chalk it up to that everyone is different after all...

drerio

So let me give you some info...

Background: up to the 13 week post fertilization we were all hermaphrodites... sorry guys the default is always toward the female reproductive system. Ok, now that means that in either defaulting towards the female reproductive or actively achieving male reproductive system many of the anatomical parts are retained for other functions.

The penis and clitoris both have erectile tissue and all of the sensory connectivity in similar, so an actual vaginal orgasm is not really possible in the classic sense. the hood covering over the clitoris which would be similar to the prepuce (foreskin) is attached to the labia, it is more of a proxy stimulation.

However, men (this will gross some men out, sorry) can also be stimulated and come to orgasm with stimulation to the prostate gland (this is done with bovine bulls to extract semen). Women have a similar stimulation point, it is what some call the G-spot and can be found in the vagina pressing up toward the mound.

And while a female orgasm results in both uterine wall and vaginal wall contracting, it is not always directly noticeable by some females.

One more final complication and this will more than likely be more toward the issue... The arousal for men is caused by a parasympathetic stimulation and ejaculation is the result of switching to a sympathetic stimulation. The point of excitement (libido) and the orgasms (as more than one can take place) in women has less of a binary switch going off/on in the nervous system.

Your wife is actually experience an orgasm, it is just that she is interpreting something different from what she may have read or heard from other women, because of this more analog sense of orgasm rather than the binary (simple) switch in guys.

__________________
I ka 'olelo no ke ola, i ka 'olelo no ka make.

Loosely translated: The saying tells the Hawaiians that words can either be a source for healing or destroying and so we need to be careful with our words

jaquen

Let us not forget that the ability to orgasm is not married to the stimulation of erectile tissue.

Some women, and even men, can achieve orgasm without any stimulation at to directly to specific erectile tissue, or even within proximity to it.

Of course we'd then be getting into the mental components of sexual pleasure, and orgasm, which isn't a can of worms everyone wants to even open.

drerio

Some women find the direct clitoral stimulation to intense that it is painful and thus can only be achieved through proxy "tissue" stimulation.

Well lets face it our most important sexual organ is our brain, so yea sexuality is mostly mental anyway.

__________________
I ka 'olelo no ke ola, i ka 'olelo no ka make.

Loosely translated: The saying tells the Hawaiians that words can either be a source for healing or destroying and so we need to be careful with our words

jaquen

Yet strangely enough my wife finds no discernible stimulation at all from direct clitoral glans stimulation.

Sara Ann

This inspires me to write a post on "TAM Land", where every women has a vaginal orgasm in 2 minutes of intercourse. I call BS on this! Many women fake it.