pplwatching

I personally think that there might be something to this. Some time ago I discovered that things are different when I don't orgasm during sex with my wife. Initially it wasn't anything intentional ... we'd try to sneak a moment away from the kids and get interrupted. I have done it intentionally as a part of fetish play a couple of times, and liked it.

It doesn't happen very often, but when I don't orgasm I am definately more into my wife between the times when we can have sex. I feel more "into her". I enjoy touching her more, both non-sexually with hand holding and back rubs and sexually fondling her breasts and vulva. I pay more attention to her body language and feel better about my relationship with her.

I am naturally curious and love to try new things. I would love to try it long term. It seems easy enough to just focus on her and not push too far. My wife would rather orgasm when we have sex, so it might not be a mutual experiment at first but maybe she'll play along. Since I totally get off on giving her sexual pleasure I am okay with either way, but we'll see where it goes.

However, I'll ask where you suggest that I go for more information on tips and techniques? If you direct me to a pay web site, then of course I'll question your motivation for posting here (as others have). If your goal is to enlighten others, then there shouldn't be a monetary pitch. A web site that accepts support donations in addition to free content (like TAM, for example) is okay.

I am willing to try this and report our experiences.

__________________
I want to be inside your heart. Are you ready? I want to love forever! Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I want to know you're with me. I am waiting.

chillymorn

made love to the wife for along time last night and could not get a nut to save my life.........

not such a big fan, kinda sucked . I much prefer a happy ending for all!

mattcook

That's fantastic. You've noticed that you feel closer and more bonded at these between-times. These feelings will multiply in their depth as you go a bit longer.

My wife has orgasms sometimes too, and I don't and she does. I figure it's her business if she wants to have an orgasm and it really isn't mine. I will help her along if she asks, but I won't offer. It's better for her and for me not to have them and us guys love helping our women get off but that's our ego talking.

The longer she goes without one, the better for her. She looks younger and is much calmer and more relaxed. She has a glow about her. Others at her gym have noticed, it's not just me that has picked up on this.

Now, I want to share how I do this, but let me first share my agenda.

I'm not here to sell any products directly, but rather to help people become successful at this and to learn from it.

I'm here to get some success stories going. Pure and simple, my agenda is to get others to move their lives ahead through this type of an approach as I've taken.

So my approach is this. We spend a lot of time every day bonding. That is key. Snuggling, cuddling, eye gazing, holding hands, scrunching up together when we watch TV, etc.

Can't over emphasize the importance of this. Just can't.

Second, we use lube. Foreplay isn't a good idea here as it can lead us down the path of mating sex and orgasms. So she won't necessarily be wet when I insert.

Third, I focus on the root of my penis. Women should focus on their breasts and relaxing their pelvic floor. I have meditated on the root of my penis and I focus my attention and relax that area and that is what lets the energy really flow.

Fourth, is a balance between quiet stillness and movement. This is a sort of meditation. Sometimes I go fast, sometimes very slow or still. And we hang out that way.

When is it over? When we have other things to move onto. It is never really over. It just continues all the time, it's very cool that way.

Just try it. If you can keep from orgasming for 3 weeks you'll get the maximum feelings by then and you won't want to go back. It's just incredible that we don't discover this for ourselves.

I never expected this when I stopped masturbation for awhile. Never expected it would lead to the depth of feelings I have now. It is indescribable and I know others who try this get the same feelings out of it. I know they do.

There is a fantastic resource on all this, and it's where I learned it, which is here and you won't find anything commercial about it. They don't even ask for contributions and there are very helpful people there and lots of questions answered in that link.

sinnister

I feel more "into her". I enjoy touching her more, both non-sexually with hand holding and back rubs and sexually fondling her breasts and vulva.

Her Vulva????

that_girl

When I have sex, it's always about bonding. Orgasm or not.

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morituri

Miss your avatars though.

__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links

pplwatching

Well, TAM bleeps out the fun words :-P

__________________
I want to be inside your heart. Are you ready? I want to love forever! Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I want to know you're with me. I am waiting.

jaharthur

??

What's wrong with the word vulva? It's equivalent to using the word "penis." It's probably the word for that part of a woman's anatomy that will offend the fewest.

Heck, I'm glad to see someone know the difference between "vulva" and "vagina". So many people seem to think the words are synonyms.

Complexity

The longest I've been able to abstain was for 3 months, 7 is a bloody feat!. Then again I didn't have a partner at the time and watched no porn. Just the sight of a woman in a skirt made me go insane!. I think porn really desensitizes you.

mattcook

well it's easy. I'm not abstaining! People don't get the power of bonding.

pplwatching

IMHO one partner deciding what's best for the other is, at best, contrary to the principles of married love. I can decide if forgoing orgasm is for me, but I have no right to decide that on her behalf. If she regularly wants foreplay and orgasms during sex, it seems rather passive-agressive and maybe even manipulative to insist that she ask for it just because I think it's best that she doesn't get it. I would imagine that would cause tension in our bedroom, and I have had enough of that to last me a life time.

While there probably is a component of ego in enjoying giving her pleasure, it goes much much deeper than that. It is extremely arousing and deeply intimate to see, feel, and taste her excitement in every phase of her arousal and release.

If I want to forgoe orgasm, it's up to me to make that happen while giving her anything that she wants sexually. But that's my opinion. I do plan to try this, but if it interferes with her enjoyment of our sexual intimacy it will be a short experiment.

__________________
I want to be inside your heart. Are you ready? I want to love forever! Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I want to know you're with me. I am waiting.

mattcook

Like I said, I do what my partner asks. It is easy enough and I love doing it. It's built into our brains to want to please our partners in bed, for sure.

But, it's really not the best. It just isn't. As people go without orgasm for about 2 or 3 weeks a whole new world opens up to them. But getting there can be tough.

If you say to your partner "I'm not going to have an orgasm" she might be quite upset. She may not like it at all. You have to show what I see as attractive masculine qualities of resolution and leadership.

For me, that's in my not coming. She may not like it but that's her business. Just as her orgasms are her business.

You can't try something like this without understanding the framework for it and the advantages of it. It takes resolve and without the theory, you may not be able to follow through.

pplwatching

I think an important question is, "why should she have to ask?" I have to ask my son to clean his room all of the time. If I don't ask, it doesn't get done. It can be frustrating at times, but having a clean room isn't his priority or goal. It's mine.

My goal in my marriage is to constantly strive to anticipate my wife's needs and meet them without having to be asked. I don't expect that from my son because that's not the nature of our relationship, but it's an important part of my marriage.

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion. The best that any of us can do is find what works for us. If this works for you, that's great.

There are advantages and disadvantages to everything. It sounds like in your case one disadvantage is that your wife doesn't like you practicing this technique. In marriage we don't live in a vacuum. It is paramount to consider how our actions affect our partner. It's just my opinion, but IMHO that is a problem that you need to resolve. I think that you are over simplifying the role that sex plays in a marriage. Our orgasms are, of course, our choice but they are each of our's business.

It seems perhaps naive to look at any one approach through a peep hole and ignore other possibilities. There are theories, for example, that semen benefits women (see Health Benefits of Semen - Yahoo! Voices - voices.yahoo.com). If, for example, the theory that semen may be an antidepressant for women is true then withholding ejaculation may not be for the best.

Deciding that what she wants "is not the best" for her seems to be contrary to married love. That's my opinion. I know my wife enjoys foreplay and orgasms. Making her ask for either is trying to make my goals become hers, and to change her behavior by not meeting her needs unless she asks.

__________________
I want to be inside your heart. Are you ready? I want to love forever! Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I want to know you're with me. I am waiting.

rigcol

Huh ... What the heck have I stumbled across here?

baggins

Hi all. I thought I would share my experience as it has transformed my relationship.

My wife and I have been married for twenty years. Our sex life had become almost non-existent and our relationship had suffered because of this. We read a detailed article on orgasm restriction which seemed rather drakonian at first yet - it required the male to give full control over his orgasms to his wife, forever. This appealed to me for the "wrong reasons" in that it seemed like a fun sexual game. The fantasy has largely faded now as the fantasy of having no control over orgasms has become a permenant realty.

The "rules" say the female can orgasm as much as she wants but that the male should only orgasm very rarely, once or maybe twice a year! Instead the male is "edged" - brought to the edge of orgasm but never allowed to actually cum. This is remarkably satisfying as you get to stay on a sexual high for hours in exchange for a few seconds of orgasm.

In addition the male is allowed to ejaculate by masturbation every few week when the female wants a break! The masturbation must be quick (maximum 30 seconds start to finish) as this reduces any orgasm, and must be done directly into the toilet so that he has to bend his erect penis down into the toilet at the crucial moment: this means he cannot continue to stimulate his penis while he ejaculates which minimises orgasm further, and having to concentrate on aiming, together with the fact that bending the erect penis down is uncomfortable, means ejaculation happens with little or no orgasm. The female send the male to the toilet when she wants to reduce his sex drive and he must leave the bathroom door open and his partner will either watch or will be nearby so that she can hear him and could look in at any moment so that he won't be tempted to cheat.

The reason for stopping the male having an orgasm while masturbating is to make masturbation unsatisfyng and concentrate his sexual thoughts on his partner.

When you know you will not orgasm while makin love you can concntrate on the greater pleasures of making love and be more adventurous instead of seeking quick orgasmic gratification. It also means your erections are stronger and sex can last as long as you both want it to.

It also means that making love ends with a long cuddle and warm feelings of love rather than the male rolling over and falling asleep while the female runs to the toilet with a wad of tissue between her legs to clean herself up.

The amazing thing about this agreement is how much more my wife wants to make love now; she gets turned on by me being rampant all the time and she is happy to stroke my erection and play with me much more now since she knows I won't be demanding sex every time she touches my penis as I am not going to orgasm anyway.

The result of all this is that we are much closer now, have sex much more often and much more satisfying love life.