Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
People have commented that I am not that kinky. I honestly don't know I was only with 2 boys (teenagers) before my husband and I was a teenager as well. I was 15/16 years old when I was with another person and we were LESS then experienced.
The things I have asked to do and been shut down on is. My husband stripping, role playing, both dirty talking, being tied up, dominated, licking food off each other, the mile high club (most recent). Dressing up in costumes (addition to the role playing), playing adult board games.
Things I am not into is pooping on each other, peeing on each other, strangling during climax seems dangerous (never tried it, would consider). I like it rough but I don't like being hurt like bruised, and bleeding.
Things we have done, watched all girl porn (husband thought penis was gross), anal sex (it was ok), blind fold, i have stripped, lap danced..... nothing too crazy
His identical twin who is OPPOSITE to him in the bedroom told me to do that just push him to do things he doesn't want to...I just get sooooo tired being the one all the time begging him for sex starting it, pushing to try new things.... I just want to be dominated.
You're talking to his brother about your sex life??
You're talking to his brother about your sex life??
Yah I do. Its his identical twin brother, and I like talking to him because he is on my husbands side, and he is like my brother. They are twins and so close, him and I are friends and even go out together and do stuff sometimes.
He is the only person that knows my husband as well as me. Plus he knew him his whole life before me which helps and they experienced a lot of the same stuff
I require to much attention in the bedroom, he would rather play video games with his twin at night. We usually hang out when his twin is busy with his significant other. I usually just plan to be alone at night do my own thing, and if he wants to hang out with me its always a pleasant welcomed surprise.
I realize that you said that you went into this relationship knowing who he is and what he is like but preferring video games over a loving, adoring and sexually willing wife sounds to be a bit on the selfish and immature side. You're comment that you usually just plan on being alone at night is very sad. Please don't settle to live the rest of your life like this. At the crux of every problem seems to be communication. The problem is that sometimes when we think we are communicating effectively, we're not. If your husband really does love you and would never want to be with another woman the way you say, then he had better stop taking you for granted and at least talk to you often and with the intent on working out what is obviously an issue in the relationship. If not resolved, this will always linger with you and eventually build up to a resentment that will eat you up inside.
Too much of a good thing maybe. Sometimes I feel like I am just too much for him. I require to much attention in the bedroom, he would rather play video games with his twin at night. We usually hang out when his twin is busy with his significant other. I usually just plan to be alone at night do my own thing, and if he wants to hang out with me its always a pleasant welcomed surprise.
The more I talk about my life the sadder it seems... probably why I never talk about it to anyone, and when I do its like this. On a forum.
Wow, I am just sad to read this. Seriously. So rarely does a woman say things like this that it's just heartbreaking.
I've said it before about other HD wives in a situation like yours, I feel for you even more than I feel for HD husbands. At least HD husbands getting turned down is the norm, and they have others to turn to (often even close friends who are going through the same thing). It's not uncommon for a man to be rejected on a regular basis. For a wife though, I imagine it can feel like you are in the middle of the ocean, and you would be embarrassed if your situation ended up exposed to anyone outside of anonymous people on a message baord like this.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaLeRi
The things I have asked to do and been shut down on is. My husband stripping, role playing, both dirty talking, being tied up, dominated, licking food off each other, the mile high club (most recent). Dressing up in costumes (addition to the role playing), playing adult board games.
For myself:
Stripping (me): I'd be hesitant at first because I have a poor body image myself, but I know I'd have done that ithout a great deal of prodding. Role playing: Always wanted to try this. Would be awkward at first, but would get more interesting with time. Both dirty talking: I'd have the same issue as your hubby at first, with the mental image of you being awesome so therefore not feeling to comfortable calling you a name, or swearing during sex, but once again, I'd overcome this with a little prodding. Being tied up: As long as I wasn't getting tickled, I'd be down with that (I am uber ticklish, which sucks). Dominated: Be awkward a bit at first as well, but I'd love to try this, both ways. Licking off food: Done this. Nothing spectacular, but it was interesting and something I'd do again. Mile high club: Because I don't fly much, never had the chance. Last time I flew was in 2009, and this was the only flight I've ever taken with my fiancee. I thought about asking for it, but there wasn't a chance because the bathrooms were always full and with a line up to boot (must have had a Mexican cook off in the airport or something weird). Still, I'd love to do this, just to say I did. Dressing up in costume: Depends on what you mean by costume. If you're meaning the naughty nurses outfits, yeah, totally fine. If you mean as a cartoon character or some weird anime stuff, not so much. Adult board games: Would love to do this. Always have wanted to.
wow, sounds like you have a bigger issue than just the sex, you have some serious communication issues
as strong as your resolve is to stay loyal, you will eventually start to harbor resentment. If I were you I would make an appointment for a MC and let him know that you are going with or without him and stress how much you believe he is needed to be there.
If your husband really does love you and would never want to be with another woman the way you say, then he had better stop taking you for granted and at least talk to you often and with the intent on working out what is obviously an issue in the relationship. If not resolved, this will always linger with you and eventually build up to a resentment that will eat you up inside.
100% agree.
I'm sure right now you feel like you said the vows and meant them, so you'll live by them JaLeRi. Eventually though the constant thoughts of what you're NOT getting will seep into your mind more and more and build resentment, especially when you consider the fact we all know, including yourself, that it's rare to find a woman who puts sex as such a high priority as you do. I think you've thought already about how you could have a sexual partner better than your husband, and may even have fantasized about it already.
You will need to get a handle on this issue soon, as if you don't things could grow much worse and could eventually lead to a divorce or an affair. If not, it could still turn into an emotionless marriage, which is just as bad. It sounds like it is already working towards that as well.
I have been at this too much lately, trying to change him last night I put on one of his dress shirts. Just got mad and told me to stop, stop trying to change who he is. He likes how he is and doesn't want to change so just to stop.
He said he is stressed. He has a hard time dealing with stress. Last summer we were roofing our house which took like 2 weeks in that time he honestly considered leaving me cause he just could not handle being married. He has the roof, his job, and everything going on and all he wanted to do was chill at night. I got really depressed about being ignored for that time and he just couldn't deal with me.
This must be one of those times we discussed it. If he is really stressed then I just need to be more then perfect and understanding.
I would like to add that our last house we completely gutted to the studs and lived in and renovated the whole thing with 2 kids by ourselves. It took 18 months and my husband worked full-time. Hence how I know how to mud, paint, install cabinets, lights, put down hardwood and tile.
He makes it so awkward when I do that because he is just REALLY not into it at all.
God I wish my wife had this problem. My wife and I have evolved with this some so it is doable. I felt before like my wife would feel dirty or whatever but that wasn't the case. She draws a strict line on things but she's trying. I'd open up to him a speak frankly and maybe he'll warm up to it. Bet so.
If that is u in your avatar this guy needs to step up! No offense!
Oh yah another thing! I love to make-out and kiss during sex... my husband does not at all...
So i have to refrain from kissing him
Umm...that is not kinky. My wife would hate it if I didn't makeout, talk, etc during. Thats sounds like pretty standard stuff.
Honestly as for the other post and stuff you would like...wondering why someone would have an issue with those things? Does he just feel strange or unmanly by doing those things or something? Could be. I would be careful not to make him feel disrespected with this though. If my wife told me that I'd take that as a personal challenge and fix that.
I have been at this too much lately, trying to change him last night I put on one of his dress shirts. Just got mad and told me to stop, stop trying to change who he is. He likes how he is and doesn't want to change so just to stop.
He said he is stressed. He has a hard time dealing with stress. Last summer we were roofing our house which took like 2 weeks in that time he honestly considered leaving me cause he just could not handle being married. He has the roof, his job, and everything going on and all he wanted to do was chill at night. I got really depressed about being ignored for that time and he just couldn't deal with me.
This must be one of those times we discussed it. If he is really stressed then I just need to be more then perfect and understanding.
I would like to add that our last house we completely gutted to the studs and lived in and renovated the whole thing with 2 kids by ourselves. It took 18 months and my husband worked full-time. Hence how I know how to mud, paint, install cabinets, lights, put down hardwood and tile.
I'd back off for a while, like a few months or so. Then bring up the issue again and see what happens *aim for a less stressful time).
You need to go at it from several fronts. First, you guys need to communicate. About EVERYTHING. It seems that's more his issue than yours, but he needs to communicate with you.
Second, you need to discuss his stress, and how he can handle it better. My fiancee has stressful moments as well, but she's nothing like how she used to be. She used to just go ballastic (in a panicked, frenzied 'I don't know what to do' way) but over the years through our talks she's calmed way down. i stioll handle stress much better than her, but she's much better thaan she used to be as well. It's served to bring down other barriers because she can discuss things without flying off the handle. Her handling her stress better is what's benefited our communication levels better than anything else.
After that all is discussed, then it's time to bring up the sex issue again. Even if you feel like you are repeating things, keep saying them. Make it clear what you NEED (not want sexually, NEED sexually).
Just from reading your posts, I wonder if your husband thinks he doesn't need to change because he knows you won't leave. We all react to situations based on one of two things, the reward we get or the fear of what could happen.
Some of us go to work because we love the job, love the pay cheque, love our co-workers, etc. Some though go because they fear losing their job if they don't, fear being broke if they lose their job, etc.
I submit to you that your husband loves the status quo sexually, so he's fine that way, and likely doesn't have any fear in him of you leaving or cheating on him. Therefore, he has no motivation to change. He needs motivation. I am in no way advocating you have an affair or leave him, but he seems quite content with things they way they are and doesn't seem to be putting any effort into you or your needs, at least from the standpoint of trying to understand and serve them better.
A marriage should be about meeting each others needs and trying to fulfill them. He's not even trying for you sexually, which is what the problem is. If he was trying but it wasn't working out, that's another issue but one which is hard to find fault in. He needs to start trying here, or you'll need to find a motivator for him to try.
Just from reading your posts, I wonder if your husband thinks he doesn't need to change because he knows you won't leave. We all react to situations based on one of two things, the reward we get or the fear of what could happen.
He knows I would never leave or cheat. He is very secure about that, and if I did he said its my loss and that I didn't deserve him.
If he cheated on me I would probably hunt down the person he cheated with and put them in the hospital.
oh JLR,
I have just read your ENTIRE thread.. all 6 pages. I feel like I am in the same boat somewhat. I want to try new things, and hubby is NOT into it. He likes his status quo.. his pattern that he has set. I too don't know what to do. Also Christians as well.. only I grew up in a very Christian household and he did not.
In fact, when I suggest things, hubby has said I am kinky. Actually used those words. I have not had much success changing hubby. He likes his patterns he has set up in the bedroom. Comfortable with it.
So I am following your thread... hoping I too can get some answers.
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Re: Kinky Wife, Conservative Husband 
