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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 07-26-2012, 12:02 AM   #1 (permalink)
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I have been with my husband for 10 years! Married for 8 years this year. I am EXTREMELY happy in my marriage in pretty much every single aspect but one. He is literally my best friend, we communicate well, we have the same values, views on household roles, agree how to raise our children. The ONLY issue that we have is sex.

My husband is very conservative sexually, introverted. He tries to please my kinky nature, but he is uncomfortable, and just not into it, and I can tell. For the last 8 years I have internalized everything. I love to role play during sex so I do it in my head, I love to talk dirty so I do that in my head as well. I like it rough and he tries not to be so considerate and more dominant but again he just is not that way. So it's usually forced, and well uncomfortable for him.

I am honestly not even sure if we can solve this problem. He is introverted, I am extroverted sexually. We can't change who we are, but at the same time I am a little upset that my sex for the rest of my life is never going to be what I want it to be, and it will be all in my mind.

Any advice would help, but I think we are seriously considering going to counseling because after 8 years I am tired of "discussing" the same issue over and over to no end.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:08 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Kinky Wife, Conservative Husband

How about this...
Just start doing and saying what comes to mind.
That way he doesnt always have his way because of the way he is in bed.
See if there becomes alot of rejection, or he slowly starts to get into it. Thats a good way to find out.

Then i would see a sex therapist for soem advice!
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:10 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Kinky Wife, Conservative Husband

He makes it so awkward when I do that because he is just REALLY not into it at all.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Kinky Wife, Conservative Husband

I'd say practice makes perfect. I was awkward at first with different sexual things and the more I did it, the comfortable it got. Now I love some things I thought I'd never like.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:15 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Kinky Wife, Conservative Husband

are you consistent with it.

consitency is a key!
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:17 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Kinky Wife, Conservative Husband

I was this way in my marriage, so afraid to be rough. She ended up leaving rather than getting us to counselling to work it out... I met a lady a little while after my separation and she was very submissive, it was very unfamiliar to be dominant at first, however once I started spanking her and hearing her whinces of pleasure and begging for it harder I really got over my hangups in a hurry For me, once I got a sense of permission the creative juices started flowing, it also helped that she was feisty and would pinch if I didn't control her... so maybe try playfighting a little harder and if you annoy him enough tell him your sorry and offer up your rump for a good hard paddle
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:18 AM   #7 (permalink)
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His identical twin who is OPPOSITE to him in the bedroom told me to do that just push him to do things he doesn't want to...I just get sooooo tired being the one all the time begging him for sex starting it, pushing to try new things.... I just want to be dominated.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:23 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by JaLeRi View Post
His identical twin who is OPPOSITE to him in the bedroom told me to do that just push him to do things he doesn't want to...I just get sooooo tired being the one all the time begging him for sex starting it, pushing to try new things.... I just want to be dominated.
You want to be dominated, but he's sort of shy in bed. That's a pretty big gap. It's not impossible, but it will take time. You've just got to get him used to everything.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:23 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Kinky Wife, Conservative Husband

BOOOOOO!

Is he insecure about anything?

Maybe he just doesnt like to be dominant?
was anything different when you first got together?
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:26 AM   #10 (permalink)
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No he has been pretty much the same, he sex drive got less. He got REALLY REALLY conservative for awhile like only missionary conservative. Starting to come out of that about 4 years ago. He is sooooo hot, he is really fit athletic body type. He is hung, he has no reason to be insecure and he is generally a very confident person. He is pretty much the only guy I know that isn't insecure.

One thing I should mention is that I am his first. We have been together since I was 16, and he was 18 he lost his virginity to me after a year of dating and that was HIS choice... I tried to bed him way earlier in the relationship then tried to respect his wishes the longer we dated
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:28 AM   #11 (permalink)
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You want to be dominated, but he's sort of shy in bed. That's a pretty big gap. It's not impossible, but it will take time. You've just got to get him used to everything.
Tell me about it... during sex he is asking me if i want to change positions. I am like if you want a different position just grab me and make me do what you want and stop asking for permission first...... oh my frustration LOL
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:28 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Kinky Wife, Conservative Husband

Whatever you do, don't build resentment about having to work on this issue with him, it may not be entirely the way you like it now, but you have a lifetime together and time to figure it out... and it will get better - make sure to talk about this, tell him that you are tougher than he thinks, your VJJ was made to push 10 lb babies out of, he won't break it.

The most upsetting thing I see is couples who prematurely decide the other spouse is incapable of achieving feats they think are too important to miss out on in life.

He isn't dominant right now because he doesn't know any better, do like his twin suggests (who ought to have a pretty good idea) keep pushing him. I would bet that when your H awakens to what he is missing out on, the confidence he will develop in bed with you will carry over to other parts of his life too.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:34 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Tell me about it... during sex he is asking me if i want to change positions. I am like if you want a different position just grab me and make me do what you want and stop asking for permission first...... oh my frustration LOL
Sweet Jesus some men don't know how well they have got it. I would go buck wild if my wife had your attitude.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:37 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I honestly don't know how many times we have talked about this issue over and over and over and over. He changes for a little bit but then just goes back to how he was.... I guess in some ways he is getting better, he tries to start sex more, and is trying to just "take" it when he wants it... I guess I am getting impatient.

What set me off was last night we were having sex, and I use a vibrator during sex and I asked him to get it for me. Then it needed batteries and I honestly was SO turned on I told him I had no patience for that right now and I just wanted to **** him. He was so uncomfortable that I swore during sex. He doesn't find that language appropriate because we never curse in our day to day life. I explained I curse in my head all the time I was sorry it came out.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:41 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Sweet Jesus some men don't know how well they have got it. I would go buck wild if my wife had your attitude.
I love playing the small delicate woman role in bed. I am only 100lbs and 5'4" so I am not a big girl. Nothing gets me going more then a big man taking me and making me do what he wants... tie me up and let me have it..... oh the fantasy I have... I have sooooo many. I only get to have sex with him for the rest of my life, it just feels unfair that I have to keep all that I am sexually in my head...it could be so good, so hot, so kinky... ugh my frustration
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