Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I have posted a couple of threads on the sex drought in my marriage. I'm affected by meds I take, but more willing than hubby.
This is hard for me to write but I am going to be really honest...
I was in a really f***ed up four year relationship some time ago, and the gut wad into everything and everything, to the point of just plain wrong. He wanted sex multiple times a day, even if it meant when I was unconcious. I am regretful of things I participated in, whether in reality or fantasy, and my marriage is thankfully free of all that stuff.
So... I live in high density living, in a block of apartments surrounded by other blocks of apartments. So sometimes we have clueless (or perhaps deliberate) neighbours who like to make some noise and they leave their windows open.
What usually happens is that I feel triggered, I think it reminds me of the sound of pornography which I heavily associate with my ex. So I hear it and freak out a bit, make sure all our windows are shut, walk around, put music on, and pray.
What I don't admit to hubby ot myself is... I actually find myself feeling aroused. I feel really ashamed and guilty about it. I wonder if this means i'm some kind of sick voyeur.
And lastly, I also feel angry and jealous because I have never been able to orgasm during intercourse and I feel inadequate.
So that is me being brutally honest.
Do you go through anything similar? What helps you, and do you feel like a pervert? Posted via Mobile Device
What usually happens is that I feel triggered, I think it reminds me of the sound of pornography which I heavily associate with my ex. So I hear it and freak out a bit, make sure all our windows are shut, walk around, put music on, and pray.
If this works for you then there is no problem. Maybe be proactive and play music a lot more so that you don’t hear it at all?
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuietSoul
What I don't admit to hubby ot myself is... I actually find myself feeling aroused. I feel really ashamed and guilty about it. I wonder if this means i'm some kind of sick voyeur.
Being aroused by hearing others having sex is not sick. That’s why a lot of porn has voice… it’s arousing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuietSoul
And lastly, I also feel angry and jealous because I have never been able to orgasm during intercourse and I feel inadequate.
Most women do not orgasm from intercourse along. I don’t think I ever have. I have so self-stimulate during intercourse in order to orgasm. Women are built work for have orgasms during intercourse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuietSoul
Do you go through anything similar? What helps you, and do you feel like a pervert?
I don't think you're perverted in the least. You're displaying very normal human responses. In my mind your only issue is you seem to think these responses are somehow perverted and are being very hard on yourself. I don't believe you have anything to worry about.
Being aroused when hearing sex is no more perverted than laughing when you hear someone laugh.
There is no reason to feel guilty of either one, I do understand though, I find odd things to feel guilty about too and that is due to my religious upbringing that told me that it was not a good thing for women to like sex at all.
Not perverted at all. If anything you are hurting yourself by denying yourself using you arousal to hook up with your husband when you are feeling it. Posted via Mobile Device
QuietSoul said: What I don't admit to hubby ot myself is... I actually find myself feeling aroused. I feel really ashamed and guilty about it. I wonder if this means i'm some kind of sick voyeur.
If this is preverted, I am a preverted PIG and I enjoy it !
Nahhhh you are good...
I would say...due to your screwed up 4 yr relationship with the Porn star.... you are being triggered to look upon sex as degrading & unhealthy though.
Unfortunate you have to wade through this difference, the sounds bring the bad memories along with it -even though SEX is wonderful - you have some things to separate in your mind and heart....
To allow yourself to be aroused, very human, I would even say God created us to respond like that! Just shows your hormones are working adequately. You want this! or you might turn into a cold repressed Fish.
How about... when this happens in the future...since it is triggering arousal..(YAH!!).... just shut those windows, then grab the husband and make your own bed of noises... Can't think of a better solution than this one.... just like Shaggy's point above.
You're fine. My wife and I lived down stairs from a couple that made their bed bounce like the one on the Exorcist. It would make us laugh at first but finally we were "If you can't stop it, join it".
So we would end up doing it as well. Nothing to be ashamed of. When sex is in the air, it can be intoxicating.
My old neighbours were treated to my sex sounds. Heard teenage boys outside discussing it where we used to live and a woman would always shout at us to close the window.
I have always been a loud lover. When I was single, I rented rooms when I first moved out on my own. My bed was right next to the window and some male neighbours actually cheered when they heard me screaming.
When I hear other couples making love, I smile to myself and hope that they are having a good time. On our honeymoon, my husband and I heard people in the next suite moaning when they left their balcony door open.
Women are made to feel like perverts for natural and normal sexual responses. Quite sad, really.
Just relax hon, you're normal. Most folks would get aroused hearing others having sex. I know I would. I can also understand why you would feel bad about it given your past experiences. Just remember, they are PAST experiences. Your husband is not your former guy. You are a normal lady in a normal relationship. You are OK, you are normal, you are safe. Just... relax. :-)
So... I live in high density living, in a block of apartments surrounded by other blocks of apartments. So sometimes we have clueless (or perhaps deliberate) neighbours who like to make some noise and they leave their windows open.
What usually happens is that I feel triggered, I think it reminds me of the sound of pornography which I heavily associate with my ex. So I hear it and freak out a bit, make sure all our windows are shut, walk around, put music on, and pray.
What I don't admit to hubby ot myself is... I actually find myself feeling aroused. I feel really ashamed and guilty about it. I wonder if this means i'm some kind of sick voyeur
.
It seems that you are associating sex noises with your very regretful sex you had with your ex.
There is nothing at all perverted by getting aroused from sex noises under normal associations. You have negative connections and associations to sex noises from your past.
I know it is a tired old saying but I think you could benefit from getting some therapy from someone that is a professional in those associations.
Everyone here knows that there is nothing perverted about getting aroused with sexual noises but the fact that you do not indicates that you need help.
It seems that you are associating sex noises with your very regretful sex you had with your ex.
There is nothing at all perverted by getting aroused from sex noises under normal associations. You have negative connections and associations to sex noises from your past.
I know it is a tired old saying but I think you could benefit from getting some therapy from someone that is a professional in those associations.
Everyone here knows that there is nothing perverted about getting aroused with sexual noises but the fact that you do not indicates that you need help
I think a little individual counseling might be in order. This shouldn't cause so much angst..
14Likes 
am i perverted? 
