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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 07-30-2012, 05:06 PM   #91 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

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Originally Posted by Joe_Cool View Post
Oh, and I really wish the 2 fetish guys would stop hijacking the thread to prove their superiority over one another...
Not deliberately trying to hijack your thread. I like boobs too and don't like the idea that this constitutes a mental disorder. --Sorry

Last edited by ocotillo; 07-30-2012 at 06:26 PM.
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Old 07-30-2012, 05:17 PM   #92 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

Some women don't like to be grabbed outside of sex.

I personally don't mind my DF grabbing me, lol. It makes me feel wanted and it's comforting to know he can't keep his paws off me!

...Plus, I'm proud of my boobs.
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Old 07-30-2012, 05:38 PM   #93 (permalink)
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I still loved cuddling with her in bed (no sex expected on my part), and just gently resting my hand on her chest and breast. I would just lay spooned with her like that, and would be happy as a clam.

...
But sometimes when I even do just this, she will physically grab my hand, pick it up, and remove it from her, saying something like 'Geez, going for the gold 'eh?' Then I would feel like a perverted *******, and get pissed off, not touching her for the rest of the night.
This happens to me with my wife. She is very touchy about being touched, and will always move my hand away from her breast. When she first did this, I was surprised and said that I was not doing this for sex (I really wasn't). I told her she could trust me, I just liked to hold them, and it really does help me fall asleep as it's a very comfortable, warm, soft, activity.

She told me that the holding was about me and not about her, and that maybe I should consider that SHE couldn't trust herself to not become aroused.

She may have a point. She can be very passionate, and when she is most passionate she sometimes grabs me and slams my hand or face to her breasts. I do think that maybe, yes, she is very sensitive there.

She seems to try to NOT become aroused unless she wants to become aroused. And she has some sort of built in limit in her head about how often is often enough. Not a schedule exactly, but she is also a bit of a control freak.

I feel your frustration, believe me. Whenever she pulls my hand away I have to fight the urge to feel hurt or that I'm somehow perverted.

I am probably one of the rare guys out there who actually likes to cuddle and neck more than his wife, and doesn't always expect to "go for the gold."
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Old 07-30-2012, 05:43 PM   #94 (permalink)
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When her drive was higher, how did she feel about you touching her breasts? Or has she always had a stigma about her breasts (which could then suggest a deep insecurity, or perhaps sexual trauma).
This is a good point. I've always wondered if my wife had been groped when she was younger. She does NOT like to be touched.

The first time I spent the night with her she almost attacked me when I accidentally woke her up when I spooned her reflexively when I was asleep. She would jump whenever I every so slightly touched her for quite some time, even if my leg brushed her. She STILL is quite a light sleeper.

She is VERY sensitive on her skin. I am as well. It seems that some people are VERY sensitive to touch.
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Old 07-31-2012, 07:52 AM   #95 (permalink)
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I can see both sides to this. I don't think think there is anything wrong with admiring your wife's breasts and enjoying it when you touch them. I don't think you are juvenile at all for this.

At the same time, I understand where your wife is coming from. I'm one of those women that doesn't really enjoy it when my husband grabs my breasts outside of sex. For me, it's really hard to separate it from sex. I also like my personal space. I love it when he grabs my hand, gives me a hug, or runs his hands through my hair. But sometimes touching my breasts is just too much. And even though we are married, I still need my space and privacy sometimes.

If she doesn't like it, I would respect that and stop--at least for a while. She needs to know that you're willing to respect her wishes on this. She'll probably "lighten up" about it when she sees that.
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Old 07-31-2012, 09:47 AM   #96 (permalink)
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Absolutely Glad others chimed in, that have been going thru some stuff and been there. I would talk with her about this thing when she was a young child... in your talks you may find that is part of it, and can find ways to reassure her that you are wanting them for an entirely different reason, because they are part of her. I know one time my husband said he wished he could take mine off and keep em for a day... I was like jeeze, thanks.... NOT. lol. Communicate. And remember to love all of her, and tell her, start with her heart. Start with telling her all the things you love about her personality... then lead into the physical stuff... Have you had any conversations yet? You should post updates, seems from other posts you are not the only man with this problem.
Well it just so happened we did talk yesterday evening about it. I was pretty surprised to be honest. She had the day off (first day of a badly needed vacation for her), and decided to go pick up all of the ingredients for a special dinner for me. I got home, and was surprised to find that she was cooking up a storm, had what she called 'man-flowers' out for me, my favorite chocolates, and one of the sweetest cards that she has ever written me (she's not a big card writer).

She told me that she could tell that I was down in the dumps for the past couple of days (thats around the time I stopped cuddling with her and touching her breasts entirely). She said she felt like it was because she was away working so much, and that she didn't spend her time at home, really being at home. She said she was still thinking about her dying patients at work, etc. (she's still a 2nd year resident, so she's new at these responsibilities, and trying to get a handle on them).

She also said she thought I was down in the dumps because we weren't having sex enough, and that she would work on that. This is where I stepped in and tried my best to re-assure her that sex was not the issue at all - that we can completely take sex out of this issue. I told her that I was upset for a couple of days, but that it wasn't her fault, just something that I was trying to work through on my own. I explained that I felt like I was overly-affectionate, and I felt it was starting to annoy her. I said that it seemed that our thresholds for affection weren't really matching up, and that I would do my best to make it more comfortable for the two of us with regards to that.

Sooo, long story short, I feel like this is a good beginning for us with regards to communicating on the issue. We still have a ways to go, I know, and am just happy that I have somewhere to start.

This morning, I was still trying to give her space without spooning her. I just gently placed my hand on her side (waist). She then gently took my hand and placed it on her breast - we never said anything. I just sighed and cuddled up behind her, letting her know that she made my morning...
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Old 07-31-2012, 10:08 AM   #97 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

Awesome. I can totally relate to this thread.
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Old 07-31-2012, 10:31 AM   #98 (permalink)
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I am always grabbing my wife's breasts and butt. There is no part of her body that is off limits to me. She jokingly asks who gave me permission to touch her there and when I say she did by putting on her wedding band she laughs and gives me a kiss. A lot of times at night in bed she will physically place my hands on her breasts before falling asleep. It's comforting, it's sexy, and its full of love. I thank the Gods for the woman I have because I would not put up with a wife who wouldn't let me touch her. But that's just me lol. My woman is perfect for me
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Old 07-31-2012, 07:43 PM   #99 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

I'm so happy that you posted an outcome to this Joe Cool.... clapping happy for you both
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Old 07-31-2012, 08:50 PM   #100 (permalink)
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I am always grabbing my wife's breasts and butt. There is no part of her body that is off limits to me. She jokingly asks who gave me permission to touch her there and when I say she did by putting on her wedding band she laughs and gives me a kiss. A lot of times at night in bed she will physically place my hands on her breasts before falling asleep. It's comforting, it's sexy, and its full of love. I thank the Gods for the woman I have because I would not put up with a wife who wouldn't let me touch her. But that's just me lol. My woman is perfect for me
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I could have written this entire post, almost word for word (only part I would have changed is the "who gave you permission". We do that, but it's usually in reverse with my wife going for my johnson, me playing a little hard to get, and her telling me that he's as much hers as he is mine lol). My wife sounds like yours, and we are very blessed men to have women like this. TAM has really helped me feel more grateful for my wife than ever before, and I was already super grateful to begin with.
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Old 08-01-2012, 04:04 AM   #101 (permalink)
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I could have written this entire post, almost word for word (only part I would have changed is the "who gave you permission". We do that, but it's usually in reverse with my wife going for my johnson, me playing a little hard to get, and her telling me that he's as much hers as he is mine lol). My wife sounds like yours, and we are very blessed men to have women like this. TAM has really helped me feel more grateful for my wife than ever before, and I was already super grateful to begin with.


agreed 100%
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Old 08-01-2012, 07:14 AM   #102 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

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I could have written this entire post, almost word for word (only part I would have changed is the "who gave you permission". We do that, but it's usually in reverse with my wife going for my johnson, me playing a little hard to get, and her telling me that he's as much hers as he is mine lol). My wife sounds like yours, and we are very blessed men to have women like this. TAM has really helped me feel more grateful for my wife than ever before, and I was already super grateful to begin with.
My wife does the same to me at home. Sometimes she even does it in a
" sneaky " way when we are in public ,just to see my reaction and probably to
" mark her territory."
She says " THIS belongs to me..."
I have no problem with it because absolutely loves me to touch her. Nowhere is ever off limits.[ to her]

Last edited by Caribbean Man; 08-01-2012 at 07:34 AM.
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Old 08-01-2012, 08:29 AM   #103 (permalink)
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Reading the OP's post reminded me so very much of an ex of mine. I had been used to lots of affection, and minimal boundaries but overflowing respect with my parters (first relationship lasted 14 years), and then came this one. She could not be touched through her clothes in any way (and she slept in clothes too), she could not be touched if we weren't in the bedroom, and made almost exactly the same comment about "going for the gold" when I'd spoon her at night and just wanted to hug her comfortably!! She would accuse me of "only wanting [her] for sex" if I would try to cuddle...and I was so affection starved that she could tell I was unsatisfied by something...she concluded that it was "just sex" that I wanted, even when I expressed my feelings on things and attempted to clarify my affectionate relationship style.

Now, I am not a grabby guy, but the few times I'd touched her breasts she flipped out about it. I now know that most women want MORE breast attention than I tend to give (both in and out of bed), and yet this partner would freak out at any contact that wasn't during sex. Durring sex she wanted more breast attention than I gave, but ONLY then, and ONLY after she had undressed, and ONLY after she initiated. I am not really a "breast man" I guess, and see a woman's whole body as a uniformly sexy thing, but with her, it was impossible for me to be physically affectionate with her for days at a time, and it was killing me, a cuddly sort of man. I also observed that she would make a big deal about the "gross men" she would catch looking at her chest too (though for some reason she usually wears low cut shirts). I began to suspect some physical abuse in her past, and one night she just admitted it.

It came out that the trauma she felt at being groped once by an older cousin, her uncle the Doctor who gave her "breast exams", and once on the street. These events were to forever taint being touched on her breasts when she wasn't initiating the touch, and anytime when it was through fabric. She had the ideas in her mind that men were like dogs, all of them. Does your partner have any sexual abuse in her past? I don't mean to suggest that you ask her that....but perhaps therapy is in order, and of course time, trust, and intimacy building. To me, the idea that my partner can not tolerate physical intimacy with me is a pretty significant thing, but I attempted to be there for her during our own trust and intimacy building, I never pressured or accused....but after a year with no progress, I had to ask if it was worth it. It wasn't.

I still feel much compassion for this ex of mine, but I'm happy to have moved on to healthier partners - it became an all consuming, heartbreaking project to be with her, but reading your post still triggered a certain hurt and frustration, as well as empathy for you. I feel your pain and hope that the two of you can resolve it. My ex wasn't open to resolving anything, she wanted the world to see her as the victim, and was rooted in that thought process, she was OK with things like that, and her attitude was not conducive to change.
Sometimes we end up paying for the sins of others, I certainly did with my cheating ex-wife.

OP you've been given good advice as far as comunication with your wife is concerned but if after following it things don't improve, then you may want to think about cutting your losses and move on with your life.
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Old 08-06-2012, 08:24 AM   #104 (permalink)
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Well it just so happened we did talk yesterday evening about it. I was pretty surprised to be honest. She had the day off (first day of a badly needed vacation for her), and decided to go pick up all of the ingredients for a special dinner for me. I got home, and was surprised to find that she was cooking up a storm, had what she called 'man-flowers' out for me, my favorite chocolates, and one of the sweetest cards that she has ever written me (she's not a big card writer).

She told me that she could tell that I was down in the dumps for the past couple of days (thats around the time I stopped cuddling with her and touching her breasts entirely). She said she felt like it was because she was away working so much, and that she didn't spend her time at home, really being at home. She said she was still thinking about her dying patients at work, etc. (she's still a 2nd year resident, so she's new at these responsibilities, and trying to get a handle on them).

She also said she thought I was down in the dumps because we weren't having sex enough, and that she would work on that. This is where I stepped in and tried my best to re-assure her that sex was not the issue at all - that we can completely take sex out of this issue. I told her that I was upset for a couple of days, but that it wasn't her fault, just something that I was trying to work through on my own. I explained that I felt like I was overly-affectionate, and I felt it was starting to annoy her. I said that it seemed that our thresholds for affection weren't really matching up, and that I would do my best to make it more comfortable for the two of us with regards to that.

Sooo, long story short, I feel like this is a good beginning for us with regards to communicating on the issue. We still have a ways to go, I know, and am just happy that I have somewhere to start.

This morning, I was still trying to give her space without spooning her. I just gently placed my hand on her side (waist). She then gently took my hand and placed it on her breast - we never said anything. I just sighed and cuddled up behind her, letting her know that she made my morning...
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Old 08-07-2012, 05:44 PM   #105 (permalink)
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Ok my husband has this same idea, that he wants to constantly touch my boobs.

Personally, I hate it, outside of sex.

It just feels degrading, and uncomfortable. I don't walk by him and grab his balls everytime I pass him. I find it uncomfortable to constantly be touched there. It's like being treated like a sex object 24/7.

Also, I dont like any part of my body to be treated like a play toy for his amusement, which is kind of what it feels like when he won't lay off. Sort of like a little boy pawing at my boobs in fascination - I guess a woman might feel like a grown man should have more self control? I don't know. It's hard to explain.

Also, if you have done this constantly, you may have created the negative association in her yourself. I think you need to back up and stop for awhile and let her get over the negative feelings.
I respect your opinion but.....aren't husbands and wives each others, umm sex objects? I knew when I got married that my husband would want to have sex with me.....I would be upset if he didn't grab all over me. Sometimes breasts get sore/tender so that's one thing...I let my husband do w/e he wants with my boobs. But I know that when I really tired or had a long day at work or on my period...boob grabbing drives me nuts in a bad way. I have d cup natural and it drew a lot of unwanted attention in jr. High and high school....and going to the beach with friends in highschool was uncomfortable as well...they were all flat as a board and I felt like a gave off the impression that I was a wanna be porn star. And other girls always would say how they wanted to trade breasts with me....and always commented on them and how lucky I was which sounds nice but it was weird for me. I just always remember there being a focus on my breasts which felt strange in some way because they were mine....and they are private if you will....so I hated that everyone felt like they had the right to talk about it. Guys included. In high school and beyond it was like if you have a nice rack guys think/thought they have free rein in explicitly admiring them. Ask her about all that lol
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