Re: My wife's breasts.... and me
It is good you are talking about it... just tread carefully. Your story reminds me of how our downward spiral started.
I too feel comforted and special when I get to touch my wife’s breast. Kind of a little personal thrill that this beautiful woman wants to be with me. I feel special I am allowed in that place. It is extremely intimate to me. (Think like a kiss might be for others) Now, somewhere in there, she got it in her head that “this is all you think about” assuming sex. She’s hung up on it being ‘sexual’. So, I got the hand slaps, her removing my hands and so forth. Like you, I’d get angry and roll over.
And we talked... Work, stress, tender at times of the month, sweaty, fat, tired, etc.; Always a reason ‘not to let me’. It started creeping over into the sex as well. Maybe if I did more for her to help her feel a bit more charitable? I started doing more and more. While this worked in the short term, I had also unknowingly established an exchange rate in her head. And all along, it became more and more ingrained into her that I only valued her for my own sexual delight.... AND because I was doing more, she started taking for granted that I was doing these things above and beyond... they no longer had value and just became ‘normal’ things I should be doing. That sort of inflation eventually put her price on intimacy above my normal capabilities.... enter the sexless marriage.
It has zero to do with fetishes or my respect for her. It also has very little to do with sexual advances. It had a lot to do with me feeling a special bond with my lover and wife and expressing/receiving this. Imagine if it was a kiss. A kiss doesn’t mean that is “all I think about” or have to lead to anything sexual. An intimate touch is what I wanted. My wife translated ‘intimate’ into ‘sexual’. “Sexual” she wasn’t feeling..... I get that. Yet, she wanted “intimate”. For her that was something else entirely.... she never understood that I do not tick like her. I lacked the experience and the insight back then.... passing it on to you.
Get the Five Love Languages book someone suggested earlier and read it together. Talk about and define what intimacy is for you. It can help.