My wife's breasts.... and me
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 07-29-2012, 08:48 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My wife's breasts.... and me

Sooo, my wife and I have been married for 4 years. I love her to death, and I know she feels the same. I feel like there is a huge barrier between us though - her breasts... Ya, I know a few jokes can be inserted there, but its true! She is a petite, beautiful and smart woman with gorgeous long hair and the most amazing pair of natural (c cup) breasts that are proportionate to her body (not overly large, and definitely not too small).

Let me start by saying: I love bewbies. Probably too much. I know I drove her crazy in the beginning of our relationship. I would walk up behind her (in private), and reach around to gently cup her breasts while she was cooking in the kitchen, or do the same while laying with her on the couch and watching television, etc.

Now I have to say in my defense, I wasn't trying to initiate foreplay or try to get her to sleep with me. Its just really comforting and intimate (to me!), to be able to touch my wife's breasts. I mean no one else should be touching them but me and her, so its a very special link between us in my mind.

After a while, she started complaining that all I cared about were her breasts, and that I'm always 'groping' her. I got the feeling she felt as though I looked at her as a walking sex machine with a couple of funbags attached in the front. Soooo, I decided to change my behavior. I didn't want her to think this way, so I stopped doing that. And it was very difficult for me, as much as I love her breasts (they are just so frigging perfect and beautiful!)

I limited my attention to her breasts to the bedroom and during sexual situations. Given this, I still loved cuddling with her in bed (no sex expected on my part), and just gently resting my hand on her chest and breast. I would just lay spooned with her like that, and would be happy as a clam. I made a concentrated effort to not move my hand, so she wouldn't think I was 'groping' her. I thought of these moments as very special and intimate between us.

But sometimes when I even do just this, she will physically grab my hand, pick it up, and remove it from her, saying something like 'Geez, going for the gold 'eh?' Then I would feel like a perverted *******, and get pissed off, not touching her for the rest of the night.

So I tried changing once again. Now I try giving her equal attention across her body (she enjoys having her scalp gently massaged, for instance), and not focusing on the breast as much. I'm a man though, and can't help it. I love her breasts and I get so angry that she hates them (she sometimes refers to them as big globs of fat hanging off of her chest), and assumes I just want to play with them for sexual reasons.

I am a good looking guy, 35, pretty fit, and she is gorgeous, 32 with a body to die for. We have no kids (neither has ever had any). She has never told me that her breasts are sore - though I know she doesn't get a lot of feeling there, so foreplay with her breasts is more for my benefit I suppose, then hers. But she KNOWS how much I love her breasts, yet she continually makes me feel like a pervert for doing so...

I don't know what to do. Last night when this happened again (her picking up my hand and moving it), I just got so pissed. I didn't say anything, just rolled over and didn't bother touching her for the rest of the night. I am a very cuddly guy, so this was unusual, and she noticed. I could tell she felt bad in the morning, asking me what was wrong, but I just didn't want to get into a fight at the start of the day about it... She is a doctor, working very long and stressful hours. She even admitted that her libido is practically non-existent these days. So I don't want to stress her out even more about this. I just don't know how to approach the situation.
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:05 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

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Now I have to say in my defense, I wasn't trying to initiate foreplay or try to get her to sleep with me. Its just really comforting and intimate (to me!), to be able to touch my wife's breasts. I mean no one else should be touching them but me and her, so its a very special link between us in my mind.
Have you had this conversation with her?

How does SHE feel about her breasts?

It's similar to my reaction to my spouse touching my stomach (which I have always hated). It's just like this area that the minute I'm touched there I go on high alert because I have such negative issues with it.

Does she react like this is you touch her bum for example?

Talk to her.
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

you have a chronic fetish...

but why not make it "All Body" for her..? viz from Head to Toe and Toe to Head..

It may sound odd for you..But I would say, A Dear Woman is also like a child. She should be pampered if she is worth it.

Your Description of her , says you love her for her attire and the being that she is , but with that fetish, you are being selfish and ruining your image , and collaterally paining a beautiful thing that female fragile being , viz your wife.
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:20 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

Thanks for the quick response. Ya, I've talked with her about it. It seems like me saying that I enjoy her breasts as a sign of intimacy rather than sex, just goes into one of her ears, reaches her brain, and gets filtered to: 'I want to bounce your boobs around and stick my penis in you'.

Whenever we've talked about it she gets defensive regarding her work schedule, never having time or the libido for sex, etc. But the thing is, I don't think this is about sex - its about intimacy.

I don't think that she likes her breasts at all. I think she's one of those women that feel like they are a burden. They are not overly big or small - they're perfect! If we are changing in the same room, she will usually politely wait for me to leave, or grab her bra and top to go in the bathroom to change. I get so annoyed - I love her body and wish she did too. I'm not just being her fanboy - I see guys looking at her, she just has a faulty self-opinion regarding her own body.

With regards to touching her bum, no she doesn't react as strongly, though she has gotten annoyed if, for instance, she is laying down on her stomach, and I just rest my hand on her backside (no groping, just resting here off to the side on one cheek). I don't do this quite as often though.

You may be on to something though, when you mentioned about you going into alert status when your husband touches your tummy. I can envision big red sirens flashing off in her head the moment my hand gets near her breasts....
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

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you have a chronic fetish...

but why not make it "All Body" for her..? viz from Head to Toe and Toe to Head..

It may sound odd for you..But I would say, A Dear Woman is also like a child. She should be pampered if she is worth it.

Your Description of her , says you love her for her attire and the being that she is , but with that fetish, you are being selfish and ruining your image , and collaterally paining a beautiful thing that female fragile being , viz your wife.
I have tried the 'all body' approach. Sexually and just intimately. In my opening post I even mentioned that I now make a concentrated effort to focus on other parts of her body that I know she likes (for instance, gently massaging her scalp). She doesn't like it if I gently rub her legs/thighs/arms, etc. She pulls away from me soon after I do anything like that.

When it comes to sex, I constantly try to do more for her. I never immediately go straight for sex, but she just doesn't get into any foreplay, unless she gets in a rare mood. She won't let me go down on her, which I would happily do for her. I never ask for a bj, though I sure would appreciate any attention at all that she provided to me.

How am I being selfish? For wanting affection from my wife? For wanting to not have my own affections frowned upon? Again - I'm not even talking about sex here...
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

Ok my husband has this same idea, that he wants to constantly touch my boobs.

Personally, I hate it, outside of sex.

It just feels degrading, and uncomfortable. I don't walk by him and grab his balls everytime I pass him. I find it uncomfortable to constantly be touched there. It's like being treated like a sex object 24/7.

Also, I dont like any part of my body to be treated like a play toy for his amusement, which is kind of what it feels like when he won't lay off. Sort of like a little boy pawing at my boobs in fascination - I guess a woman might feel like a grown man should have more self control? I don't know. It's hard to explain.

Also, if you have done this constantly, you may have created the negative association in her yourself. I think you need to back up and stop for awhile and let her get over the negative feelings.
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:42 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

Read His Needs Her Needs and Five Love Languages. Of course Married Man Sex Life ( not a sex manual) is an absolute must for every male!
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:44 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Ok my husband has this same idea, that he wants to constantly touch my boobs.

Personally, I hate it, outside of sex.

It just feels degrading, and uncomfortable. I don't walk by him and grab his balls everytime I pass him. I find it uncomfortable to constantly be touched there. It's like being treated like a sex object 24/7.

Also, I dont like any part of my body to be treated like a play toy for his amusement, which is kind of what it feels like when he won't lay off. Sort of like a little boy pawing at my boobs in fascination - I guess a woman might feel like a grown man should have more self control? I don't know. It's hard to explain.

Also, if you have done this constantly, you may have created the negative association in her yourself. I think you need to back up and stop for awhile and let her get over the negative feelings.
Men and women are totally different and you are not looking at this through your husbands eyes or any other mans eyes. I predict trouble.
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:47 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

Now I have to say in my defense, I wasn't trying to initiate foreplay or try to get her to sleep with me. Its just really comforting and intimate (to me!),?????WHY ???? to be able to touch my wife's breasts. I mean no one else should be touching them but me and her, so its a very special link between us in my mind.

Let me start by saying: I love bewbies. Probably too much. I know I drove her crazy in the beginning of our relationship. I would walk up behind her (in private), and reach around to gently cup her breasts while she was cooking in the kitchen, or do the same while laying with her on the couch and watching television, etc.


-----Selfish you are , Pal by TOO MUCH of Breast and Cupping ...!!

Now

let me tell you, she is a female human being..

You need to deal her, by knowing her needs as well..Note, that she was fine with your "fetish" initially, since she felt it's mutual..but your fetish has turned things "sore." She is feeling as if she is an object and with her tender parts, you are playing sex games , rather than caring for her being and existence..

she is tired perhaps and is not liking your fetish bound sexual approaches.

First treat her as a being. Be Contextually aware, what she needs...

Life has Love and Care ...not mere Carnally driven stuffs..


Try to understand what is the difference between Agape, Storge, Philos and Eros..and Apply them accordingly from your Heart and Head as well..

Know her...TRULY INTIMATELY....and not as you do now..

....Treat her as a Child , when she needs such a care..treat her as a Friend, when she needs such a love, Treat her as a Maternal being when she needs to be so, Treat her as a Woman, a Spouse , a Lover ..when she needs to be ..and thus Love her Truly and Dearly..!!
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:52 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

I can't offer any advice here, my husband loves bewbies too but only if they are triple DDD or larger. I'm a c cup myself but I feel like a flat chested boy sometimes. I wish my husband was a little more "grabby"...then I'd know he was still interested.
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:57 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I can't offer any advice here, my husband loves bewbies too but only if they are triple DDD or larger. I'm a c cup myself but I feel like a flat chested boy sometimes. I wish my husband was a little more "grabby"...then I'd know he was still interested.
Just what I was thinking, if his wife saw all the people whose spouse had lost interest/given up she would be running around topless. LOL
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Old 07-29-2012, 10:05 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Ok my husband has this same idea, that he wants to constantly touch my boobs.

Personally, I hate it, outside of sex.

It just feels degrading, and uncomfortable. I don't walk by him and grab his balls everytime I pass him. I find it uncomfortable to constantly be touched there. It's like being treated like a sex object 24/7.

Also, I dont like any part of my body to be treated like a play toy for his amusement, which is kind of what it feels like when he won't lay off. Sort of like a little boy pawing at my boobs in fascination - I guess a woman might feel like a grown man should have more self control? I don't know. It's hard to explain.

Also, if you have done this constantly, you may have created the negative association in her yourself. I think you need to back up and stop for awhile and let her get over the negative feelings.
So, you're saying that your body should be off-limits to your husband except for sexual purposes. All that I have seen in response to this thread so far is:

"you're selfish for wanting your wife to be intimate with you (outside of sex)"

"you're not trying hard enough to treat her like a 'Child', 'Friend', or a fabled 'unicorn'"

Because I find my wife attractive (god forbid!), and enjoy to sometimes gently rest my hand on her breast at night in bed while innocently cuddling, I would be 'like a little boy pawing at your boobs'?

Something is out of whack there. In my mind, there needs to be compromise. In my original post, I mentioned that I severely changed my behavior soon into our relationship so that I didn't continue to 'paw at her boobies in fascination'. This was years ago.

Since then, I've further modified my behavior to make her happy. I'm sorry, but I'm feeling a little frustration at the lack of compromise. If my wife enjoyed playing with my toes or feet (yes... I don't like having my feet messed with much), or if it turned her on in a sexual setting, GO TO TOWN ON THEM. I'll take one for the team so that she's happy - thats compromise.

If I constantly 'pawed at her boobs', yes, I would see a problem *looking at you dude who keeps saying I have a fetish*. But I don't. I am completely hands off, then sometimes, but not all the time, I like to cuddle up next to her in bed and rest my hand on her chest.

I just think there needs to be compromise in a marriage. So far, on this front, I have been the one to give way. I guess I should completely change who I am and pretend that I hate breasts. Fall in line with the 'better half', do what you're told, thats all I'm seeing here so far...
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Old 07-29-2012, 10:05 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

See there are women, who crave for being cupped, grabbed or groped etc etc in the "top" or bottom or any where ..!!


Their Needs are different and your wife's are different..

Just Discern well on your marriage life and live well accordingly.
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Old 07-29-2012, 10:08 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

"you're selfish for wanting your wife to be intimate with you (outside of sex)"

"you're not trying hard enough to treat her like a 'Child', 'Friend', or a fabled 'unicorn'"

--Myopic perceptions..emotional reasoning..and hence no understanding..!!
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Old 07-29-2012, 10:09 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife's breasts.... and me

Are there other problems in your marriage? Has she always been this way? It sounds like what she really resents is just you.
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