Mrs. Rodriguez

Im new here. Im 24 years old. My husband is 25 and we have been together since we were 13. We have been married 6 years with two amazing boys. My husband is still the man of my dreams. I love him very much. In the beginning of our relationship before kids we had sex like rabbits of course. But for the last year sex has been a major issue. If it were up to my husband we would have sex once a month. Its like he gets the urge once a month then once its done hes fine and will wait another month before he gets the urge. its like it doesn't matter about me or our sex its just his biological desire. This made me feel like a tool. He only wanted sex just to satisfy his basic needs. made me feel like a prostitute more than a wife. I was only used for bare minimum sex than our love. I kept it to my self for a long time and then told him how it made me feel. Nothing changed. But for the last year my sex drive increased to only be rejected more and more. He always has an an excuse, "I'm tired" or "we went to bed late" or "I was asleep and he couldn't wake me up" or "he feel asleep to fast". he also told me to initiate more. so I've tried going to bed nearly naked, taking a bath with him..all to be rejected. Its a big cycle of pain, embarrassment and shame. I have to tell him how bad it makes me feel which is first step of embarrassment. Then to put my self out there to get rejected is a slap in the face. Makes me hate my self, pretty much abolished any self esteem I had. Then to try to communicate to him again-ill tell him the next day well whats your excuse now, why didnt we have sex? Then that only adds extra humiliation and puts more pressure and awkwardness to our sex life to only be slapped in the face. I finally have gotten to the point where I told him I cant live the rest of my life like this. If things keep on I know things will get toxic, and resentfull. We have talked about this over 100 times the last year, its been a big area of conflict and he says theres no reason. He finally made big attempts to have sex with me, and for a week straight we had sex like rabbits again. Now its been over a week with no sex again. So here I am not knowing what to do. I'm not happy in this part of my life. I constantly think of cheating on him to feel desired again by a man. I feel like what if theres some one else out there for me who would want me and is better for me. But I love my husband, I don't want to lose him. I just want this part of our marriage fixed. He agreed to go to marriage counseling so were going to set that up but just wanted some feed back from anyone.

Mavash.

First of all you must stop talking about it. He's heard your complaints and he can't fix it. Telling him that 101th time isn't going to make a difference. And nagging is a total turn off.

As to why there could be any number of reasons. My husband was like that when he was 25 but his problem was with me. I wasn't very nice to him and his self esteem took a beating. I didn't even realize how mean I was being until AFTER we sought counseling.

This is such a complicated subject and off the top of my head I can think of any number of reasons why he changed. Can you do some investigating to see if you can figure out exactly when/why he changed?

Mrs. Rodriguez

I know I need to stop talking about it. that's where I'm at now. Just burnt out and depressed. Tired of trying which will only cause more strife. Hopefully counseling helps get us to the answers. But counseling help you guys?

Mavash.

Yes it helped. My therapist saved me and our marriage.

Cosmos

I agree with Mavash that in these sort of instances, continually talking about the problem can actually make things worse. I would definitely seek counseling, though, as the issue really does need sorting out asap.

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Toffer

Hopefully, counseling will help you.

As others have said here after that it's a matter of choices for you:

1 - Accept it and live with it. Develop more outside interests and do things that you enjoy such as a favorite hobby or spending more time with friends

2 - Tell your husband that you can no longer live like his isiter with him and either he gets any and all help he can or the marriage is over.

7737

Mrs R....if you BOTH accept there is a problem and you BOTH want to sort the problem then you are already half way there!

He might have to make the effort to want sex more often and you will have to make the effort not to want it as often! You meet in the middle and bonk once a week!

Counselling will help you, but you baoth have to want it and be open to it. Good luck!

Bafuna

I know what you are talking about. My husband says I have said things that have ruined his self esteem and he cant gat it up with me ny more. My hope is he agrees that we see a therapist, if he doesnt I dont know what I'l do.

wiigirl

I agree....counseling and communication....then make a decision on the result.

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Runs like Dog

Your views of one another were formed when you were children. You're not children now, you're different people.

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