Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I guess I'm resentful that all of our family pressure falls on my shoulders and truthfully all I want to do is be able to stay home and raise our son. He keeps telling me I will be able to do that by being a writer... But he never offers to get a part time job or anything to help make our lives easier.....
Especially since I am the breadwinner and he keeps hinting that he wants to quit his job.
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I do not know how much your h is making, what kind of job he holds, but from what you are writing, it seems
You are the breadwinner. He wants you to make more $ so he can completely quit his job.
As a woman, I would separate from this man to see if he will "wake up".
Well, you can argue man and woman should have equal financial roles, but I have never quite agreed with that esp when the woman is putting out more to care for child/children. A man should be a man.
Unless you guys have reached enough financial security for comfortable retirement (doesn't seem like it), he has no reason to have such desires.
Finally, I am sorry to say, 50 shades is not even that great of a book/series, but once a while luck/timing/whatever just clicks and a book becomes a craze. Many talented women/men can write better. But putting all your hope in making $$$$$ while you feel you are missing out time with your child/children seems risky. If you are doing something you enjoy/cherish, it's different. But again, it seems that's not quite the case.
Yes you are right Jenifer. I feel terrible .. As a Catholic.. Saying this, buying have come to the point in my life where I feel that I made a mistake not looking at money and concern for money down the road when we married. I have always been a go getter.. An achiever. My husband has enjoyed all the luxuries that go with that. He has never aspired to make more money for us. Never. In fact when I asked him last year to juggle his work hours a little and be more mindful of US his family... He threatened to quit and get a job at CVS where he could have bankers hours. He likes to throw out obnoxious things to make me say "no no don't change anything".
Here's the issue. We just moved into a great house that we lease. We are basically living paycheck to paycheck. He insisted we put our son in private school which I agree with .. I will scrimp for a catholic education and upbringing. Be he also talks about how he wants us to buy our house and he predicts I'm going to make millions as an author. I have one normal romance book done and it brings in an extra 1800 a month. That is NOT going to allow me to be a stay at home mom. I am currently working full time and I stay up late and get up early to write more.
He has put so much pressure on me... Is it any wonder why I don't want to have sex with him? Posted via Mobile Device
The women may need to help you figure out how to light that fire in him. Unless he is emotionally calloused over, I have framed out for you where he is likely very sensitive to being "touched". If the communication is open enough that he knows how to reciprocate, he may surprise you.
I lived this experience as a man looking to make changes to correct a sexless marriage. It was only after I resigned myself to losing it all that I was able to build toward the kind of marriage I yearned for. If the choice is, this get's better or I am prepared to start a new life, you damn well have commitment. The feelings, mine and hers, are real and don't need to be justified. Unfilled needs lead to them. I noticed that wordplay doesn't chase away the bad feelings. Supportive, loving actions absolutely do.
I admit that I just don't see him as a "man". I don't know how to change it and I certainly wish I did. I just want to have financial freedom and not have it all fall on my shoulders.
Isn't it crazy how so much of what does or does not happen in the bedroom... Revolves around the relationship itself.
UOTE=Cre8ify;966541]The women may need to help you figure out how to light that fire in him. Unless he is emotionally calloused over, I have framed out for you where he is likely very sensitive to being "touched". If the communication is open enough that he knows how to reciprocate, he may surprise you.
I lived this experience as a man looking to make changes to correct a sexless marriage. It was only after I resigned myself to losing it all that I was able to build toward the kind of marriage I yearned for. If the choice is, this get's better or I am prepared to start a new life, you damn well have commitment. The feelings, mine and hers, are real and don't need to be justified. Unfilled needs lead to them. I noticed that wordplay doesn't chase away the bad feelings. Supportive, loving actions absolutely do.[/QUOTE] Posted via Mobile Device
we lease. We are basically living paycheck to paycheck.
he also talks about how he wants us to buy our house and he predicts I'm going to make millions as an author. Posted via Mobile Device
I am sorry, I am not doubting your ability, but this man has unrealistic expectations. I write for newspapers too so it's not I have a problem with writing. For me a piece might bring in $40-$50, it would be a joke to depend on that kind of income, so it's my hobby.
One thing about us (some) Americans is we have no good planning. The mention "living paycheck to paycheck" always raises red flags for me. I know so many families that operate on that. It's not good. AND you want to put your son in private school. What if a family emergency happens? Do you all have full health insurance coverage?
Honestly, if your situation is as you described, then no amount of rekindling, hugging, dating can make you feel for your h. I would not. I WOULD move out and see if he would clean up his act. If he doesn't, yes I WOULD divorce him. I know your are Catholic, but that's not a sufficient reason to stay in this relationship, if I were you.
No you are right. It definitely scares me. We only have about a month's worth of income in savings. I have told my husband this, but he says That he doesn't want to let his parents down. It's frustrating. I am trying so hard to make the extra money but I feel depleted. I am already the breadwinner... And he wants me to make an extra 5k a month.
UOTE=jennifer1986;966600]I am sorry, I am not doubting your ability, but this man has unrealistic expectations. I write for newspapers too so it's not I have a problem with writing. For me a piece might bring in $40-$50, it would be a joke to depend on that kind of income, so it's my hobby.
One thing about us (some) Americans is we have no good planning. The mention "living paycheck to paycheck" always raises red flags for me. I know so many families that operate on that. It's not good. AND you want to put your son in private school. What if a family emergency happens? Do you all have full health insurance coverage?
Honestly, if your situation is as you described, then no amount of rekindling, hugging, dating can make you feel for your h. I would not. I WOULD move out and see if he would clean up his act. If he doesn't, yes I WOULD divorce him. I know your are Catholic, but that's not a sufficient reason to stay in this relationship, if I were you.[/QUOTE] Posted via Mobile Device
I dont get it. You complain that you dont want him then you complain that he never hugs you?
Why would he want to hug you if you never want to be intimate with him? Guys are not women. We need the sex FIRST before the emotional connection. Then you will get that stuff. You typically wont get the non sexual intimacy first...we just arent wired that way.
Before I met my husband I had a lover and sex was fantastic we couldnt have enough of it our relationship was awesome we both loved each other but a long story short we just cant be together his job request him to travel a lot where I wanted to built a stable family where we sit down to dinner etc so we both decided to end it. three years later, I met my husband got married after two years and we have been married for three months now and I cant seem to stop thinking about my ex I dont feel attracted to my husband anymore, dont get me wrong he is a great husband, he treat me like a queen and in bed he go down on me each time and always make sure he please me first, he want to have sex every night and when we both have days off he wants to stay in bed and have sex all day long ...... my problem is that I dont feel like doing it he doesnt know it but I pretend to be into it but I am realy not into him all I could think about is my ex please help me I dont want to hurt my husband and I feel so aweful for feeling this way I been to counselling, doctor and still cant bring my self to feel attracted to my husband whom I do love so so much.
How do make my self feel that sex drive again??
You were attracted to him as a man at some point so it is reasonable to assume you could be again. I don't see how you restore intimacy without tearing down the wall of resentment that separates you.
There is a man in there somewhere and my guess is he doesn't know which habits to reinforce and which he should kill. Many of the approaches a man must take are acquired skills and are anything but natural. We have to work at being the kind of man we can become...just as we have to work at being the kind of spouse we can become.
No you are right. We only have about a month's worth of income in savings. I have told my husband this, but he says That he doesn't want to let his parents down
Whatever that means, it does not make any sense. Unless his parents are completely out of wack, they should expect their grown son to be a man and take care of his wife and children.
Perhaps you mean you guys need to borrow money from his parents. Well, actually we all know HE should be MAKING that money, not borrowing. If you guys are really in trouble, then he should borrow with a definite term stating in how much of a time period he will repay, and again he will be making that $.
If your h is even hiding the truth from his parents, then this guy cannot be called a mature adult. Pretending you are doing fine financially while not trying to improve a bad situation (or telling the wife to do the work) is not a grown man's deed.
To love someone, you have to respect that person. You might still love your husband in many ways, but if you have lost respect for him and he does not work towards gaining that back, it's hopeless. If he is disabled from working, that's another story. If he is simply not trying and being lazy, you will NOT respect him.
Does HE know what you like/love and what your lovebusters are? Does he know and just not "do it".
Or does he not fully grasp what they are?
Quote:
Originally Posted by questionme2
I didn't want to hijack someone else's thread, but I too am feeling very concerned that I do not want sex with my husband of 11 years.
We have had major issues before... Physically and emotionally. Things are better... NOT great, but emotionally we are better than we were a year ago.
My husband has a habit of not being there for me when I need him... Which causes me to have up and down feelings about him.
Here's the thing... I don't do porn. I definitely want sex, just not with him. He's a good looking man... He's a decent father. But, he takes me for granted and I think it's made me resentful. We went to therapy. Been there, done that. He won't go back without a lot of fights.
What do I do? I find myself daydreaming about other men. No I'm not having an affair... Emotional or physical. I just can't seem to find intimacy with my husband.
Hormones are fine... It's just plain him and me. There's a wall. I know he wants to have sex... But he doesn't ask for it.
Angle-It sounds like you dated the mysterious, alpha male bad-boy and could not get enough of him. Most women could not get enough of him but they don't marry him for the same reason you didn't. For your husband you choose a nice blend of sexually unattractive beta skills to help you keep a home and raise a family. You weren't the first and won't be the last. That as why I make the case that men do need to evolve.
Yes we did some of this in therapy. He is fully aware. But here is the issue. He has done so much of the cooking etc he has taken on a feminine energy. It is hard to explain but I notice it and he's clearly loving it. He doesn't hang with the guys... He just talks constantly about cars and houses and furniture that we will soon be able to buy...with my BIG fortune that will show itself as soon as I get my new books done!
QUOTE=MEM11363;966803]Question:
Does HE know what you like/love and what your lovebusters are? Does he know and just not "do it".
Or does he not fully grasp what they are?[/QUOTE] Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: I need a sexual intervention 
