Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma
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Originally Posted by kingsfan
Do any men find it a bit insulting that their wives need to read some erotica, or see a movie (such as Magic Mike) to suddenly be horny as heck for them?
I mean I'd likely enjoy the situation myself, but it sure would cheapen it for me that my wife would need that to get that horny for me when she couldn't be bothered a few weeks earlier. I don't see to many tales on here about how a man wasn't interested in his wife but after reading an edition of Penthouse Forum he was suddenly revved up for his wife. Vice versa, I doubt I'd be reading to many women saying "Right on, go for it and enjoy this time" if he was.
Seriously, why is it so hard for a woman to get turned on by her own man who is at home that she needs to turn to a fantasy book to get the juices flowing?
Arousal is a response. For many women, getting turned on is a mental thing, not just a physical thing. Erotic thoughts become erotic actions. We often hear that men are visual (hence, porn pics and videos)...women can be visual, too, but many need the mental turn-on.
Sounds like the OP's wife found the books a mental turn-on, and her husband giving them to her to read probably "allowed" her to express her turn-ons to him instead of being afraid (or ashamed or inhibited or whatever) to tell him what turns her on.
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma
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Originally Posted by norajane
Arousal is a response. For many women, getting turned on is a mental thing, not just a physical thing. Erotic thoughts become erotic actions. We often hear that men are visual (hence, porn pics and videos)...women can be visual, too, but many need the mental turn-on.
Sounds like the OP's wife found the books a mental turn-on, and her husband giving them to her to read probably "allowed" her to express her turn-ons to him instead of being afraid (or ashamed or inhibited or whatever) to tell him what turns her on.
Oh I get that and that women are more mentally aroused. I guess my point is that women were aroused at one point by their current husband/partner, so why now does it take a book to get that going? Why can't her own husband continue to fulfill that need?
I get that there is always a drop off in that natural attraction, but it seems like that drop off is far less severe and far less common amoung men than it is women.
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma
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Originally Posted by Already Gone
I Like to read PF also.
If there was Viagra for womeon, I would like my wife to take it. if she would actually read a book and get turned on... I would be a happy camper. My wife just doesn't think about sex. If 50 sog would help (if she would even open the boook) I would buy it in a heartbeat.
Thats great OP... Be careful what you wish for. more power to you!
I still may invest in 50 SOG. You never know.
I'd never heard of the books until Saturday Night Live did a skit...looked it up on Amazon, and the reviews were a trip! Some ladies just loved it; others were appalled at the terrible, terrible writing and stupid plot and unbelievable characters.
But, you're on the right track. The brain is the most powerful sex organ. Great sex starts in her head - being mentally turned on will fuel her physically. Finding out what is erotic to her may be a challenge, though. It's not something we are taught to discuss, just to fantasize about. If she ever masturbates, she is most likely fantasizing, so she has some erotic thoughts and turn-ons.
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma
My H brought 50 SOG for himself to read as he said loads of people was talking about it. I am HD at the moment and like amorous, got into porn, something I hardly entertained a few months back.
Unfortunately, my H is not willing to go for it hours every night though I wish he would. We are both 44 and oldest is 16 , so no using the kids as an excuse.
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma
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Originally Posted by kingsfan
Oh I get that and that women are more mentally aroused. I guess my point is that women were aroused at one point by their current husband/partner, so why now does it take a book to get that going? Why can't her own husband continue to fulfill that need?
I get that there is always a drop off in that natural attraction, but it seems like that drop off is far less severe and far less common amoung men than it is women.
I believe that when relationships are new, the sex is exciting by virtue of the newness and the "in love" brain chemicals. Once that fades, men are still aroused by nakedness and proximity (men's bodies are biologically wired to want sex all the time), but women need a mentally erotic component to it to be turned on (because their bodies are biologically wired to want sex during ovulation, not all the time).
That's my theory - I have no evidence to back me up! (Except, maybe, the thousands of reviews on Amazon of the 50 shades books).
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma
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Originally Posted by cub!chy
I guess I am lucky that its happening and that I can keep up. So the consensus is that she is peaking? The multiple partners are just fantasies, I put it in, to illustrate that a year ago she couldn’t say sex and now she is openly talking about wild fantasies. It’s all about me and her, no issues. This change is drastic, thus my post, where was this new personality for the last 12 years, why did it take so long to come out?
Yes, you are blessed that you can keep up ! I found myself questioning my husband's desire, even sent him to the Encronologist for blood work, I wanted to know what his Test was , at one point I was almost hoping it was too low so he could get treatment so he'd be a madman for sex.... (this is all kinda funny looking back )...
We learned he was low normal for his age... She even said his numbers were normal for a man in his 60's -he was only 45 at the time!! That damn comment worried me for months, thinking he is all washed up and here I am -just getting started. I wanted so bad to go back in time.
Thank God for living in the day of Vitamin V ...and some Stiff Nights. Ha ha .... I wasn't raping him though, he wanted to be there, so long as he could get it up, he was ready to go with a on his face. Gotta love that attitude. He's my Hero, then I felt bad...cause I didn't have such an attitude in our past.
If all is wonderful in your marriage, I would think the multiple partners are just fantasy - makes sense to me, I was having fantasies about younger men. But the majority of those was just US re-living our youth & experiencing the things we never did.....we were so vanilla, we should have been shot!
I really did take on the mindset of a Cougar - just let out of a cage. ha ha Darn good thing I wasn't single -cause I think I would have gotten myself into some real touble.
I also noticed I CARED more about his LUST -over his LOVE for me, how funny is that...just like young boys who just want to BANG anything they can stick it into.
Why did it take so long... it is that hormonal shift, I have no idea what 50 SOG even is (???) might want to get my hands on it though ....not that I need any more inspiration... but yet, I love erotic stuff. As I age, I want to keep this mindset flowing.
I found this on the net yrs ago... explains a little what is happening hormonally....even though some of us it seems our seesaw has hit the sky ! >>
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Balance the seesaw.
When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma
Quote:
Originally Posted by norajane
I believe that when relationships are new, the sex is exciting by virtue of the newness and the "in love" brain chemicals. Once that fades, men are still aroused by nakedness and proximity (men's bodies are biologically wired to want sex all the time), but women need a mentally erotic component to it to be turned on (because their bodies are biologically wired to want sex during ovulation, not all the time).
That's my theory - I have no evidence to back me up! (Except, maybe, the thousands of reviews on Amazon of the 50 shades books).
I guess I'm more of the opinion that if a woman has a good husband and actually works at it, she can get herself into the mood for her own husband on a semi-regular basis.
It's just a pet peeve of mine I guess that I (and this does apply to other men as well, as this forum would attest) am even more turned on by my fiancee now than I was several years ago, while she may need to read an erotic novel to want to jump my bones.
Why not just put some effort into it for your own man, who does a heck of a lot more for you in life than some fictional character in a book.
It reminds me that you can never really know who's writing this stuff, or if the person on the other end of the internet is really a guy in a pink teddy....
In all seriousness, though, the whole story is about a young woman being "used" and then realizing it, and walking away... like a lot of women's experiences in having an extramarital affair. It's just a kind of fantasy.
I'm not interested in reading the book, just curious what all the fuss is about. If this is the plot line though, then I don't get the appeal to so many women. It sounds like it's a book about a women getting completely used by some higher up.
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma
Quote:
Originally Posted by kingsfan
I guess I'm more of the opinion that if a woman has a good husband and actually works at it, she can get herself into the mood for her own husband on a semi-regular basis.
It's just a pet peeve of mine I guess that I (and this does apply to other men as well, as this forum would attest) am even more turned on by my fiancee now than I was several years ago, while she may need to read an erotic novel to want to jump my bones.
Why not just put some effort into it for your own man, who does a heck of a lot more for you in life than some fictional character in a book.
I'm just venting, nothing personal norajane.
I really do believe it has a lot to do with the way our brains are wired. I think women have a more "responsive" sex drive - they aren't automatically turned on; they need to "get turned on" in order to want sex. I've always believe that foreplay starts long before clothes come off...that teasing and flirting help a woman get mentally turned on long before anything physical happens.
And I think men are wired to think about sex more, to be more easily stimulated by just the sight of a woman's body, and being physically stimulated gets them mentally turned on (instead of the other way around for women).
Obviously, there are exceptions, and I'm no scientist. I just know that sex was "just sex" to me until I tapped into my mental turn-ons and what I found erotic. My desire for sex increased when I understood myself better and understood what turned me on.
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma
Well, congratulations. You have every man's dream. Enjoy it as long as you can. Whenever your **** feels sore but she wants more, think of most the other married men who are turned down 9 times out of ten only to get vanilla that 10th time. Also, try to record as much of it as you can on video so you can relive and enjoy it again later if her fountain of ****tiness every dries up.
I'm not interested in reading the book, just curious what all the fuss is about. If this is the plot line though, then I don't get the appeal to so many women. It sounds like it's a book about a women getting completely used by some higher up.
Don't want to spoil it for you, but that's just the first book. The plot thickens as they say! I think it's a good read.
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma
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Originally Posted by srtjm
Don't want to spoil it for you, but that's just the first book. The plot thickens as they say! I think it's a good read.
Yeah, I know that's just the first book. I'm asking what the appeal is to women. I couldn't find a review of the next two books (didn't really look hard though) but I don't get the appeal to so many women. It sounds like he's just using her as his sex slave and she has some guilty excitement/disgust at being dominated in the first book.
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma
Quote:
Originally Posted by norajane
I'd never heard of the books until Saturday Night Live did a skit...looked it up on Amazon, and the reviews were a trip! Some ladies just loved it; others were appalled at the terrible, terrible writing and stupid plot and unbelievable characters.
But, you're on the right track. The brain is the most powerful sex organ. Great sex starts in her head - being mentally turned on will fuel her physically. Finding out what is erotic to her may be a challenge, though. It's not something we are taught to discuss, just to fantasize about. If she ever masturbates, she is most likely fantasizing, so she has some erotic thoughts and turn-ons.
My wife NEVER masterbates. I don't even think she has a fantasy. It takes so much effort to get her aroused. It is like she doesn't allow her mind to go there. After 20 years, I still can't find out what turns her on.
I did buy 50 SOG. I think she read the first 2 chapters. I think I won't have the great results of the OP.
9Likes
Re: Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this norma 
So the consensus is that she is peaking? The multiple partners are just fantasies, I put it in, to illustrate that a year ago she couldn’t say sex and now she is openly talking about wild fantasies. It’s all about me and her, no issues. This change is drastic, thus my post, where was this new personality for the last 12 years, why did it take so long to come out?
on his face. Gotta love that attitude. He's my Hero, then I felt bad...cause I didn't have such an attitude in our past. 
shot! 
