Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
We have been married 10+ years and have always had a close relationship - each others best friend.
About a year or so ago our sex life improved, after years of highs and lows - it became a constant high.
She lost a lot of her inhibitions and became much more outgoing in general.
Some of this we agreed was due to getting off BC and partly due to her age - 40. She seemed to be peaking.
Then her interest in Bondage and BDSM started. I became interested too and we have had a great time learning more about each others turn-on's and limits.
It seems that her biggest turn-on is being dominated. Spankings, being tied up, being used, role-play rape etc.
All are good for me as it ties in with me not being such a Nice-Guy - a few years ago realized I need to grow up and be a man.
So dominating her sexually has seemingly snow-balled into her being even more attracted to me and even greater libido.
But here's what I worry about - and I really don't want to share this with her as it's not real manly - she wants to experience being dominated by others. Not sex but as close to it as you can get without penetration.
I know I know - bringing in others is playing with fire but I don't want this to end and we are communicating so well. Never felt closer to her.
I don't want to deny her a living out all of her fantasies. And she wants other things but knows we must take baby steps. It seems to me that if we go down this path it becomes more of a lifestyle.
I'm rambling, sorry but it's so intensely arousing having her open up like this but I don't want to push her away, have things back the way they were or her have an affair to fulfill her desires etc.
I want to be a part of this journey with her - hell I want to take her places myself - but I guess I'm worried.
So far we went to a swingers club where I tied her up in their dungeon room and she was blindfolded. Next time who knows what might happen. I wasn't jealous at all - it was intense watching her while others spanked her and touched her.
I guess I need to figure out my limits and let her know - but I don't even know what my limits are!
I guess basically I'm worried if I say something like - no you can't have a threesome for your birthday - it will backfire and our sex life will go back to vanilla. (she's not said that, yet!)
But if I say sure that will be fun and then I either hate it and she resents me. Or we both enjoy it and she wants even more - like a gangbang - which is her favorite porn.
Maybe what worries me the most is that I'm inclined to have no limits in my head. But the reality might destroy us.
You said you realized you needed to grow up and be a man. Well, here's your chance to prove it. Time to put your foot down. She's yours. And you're not sharing. She don't like it? Tough.
Dunno about that, Kindi, but, OP, you have boundaries. You having a good sexual relationship doesn't mean that you have to compromise on everything. Be straight forward- you like being kinky, and you like being kinky with HER' but sharing her isn't on the table.
Part of dominating is also setting the boundaries and limits.
She is yours. You are the dominant one. Alphas do not share their toys. Not ever.
I see her interest in being dominated by others as a test of your dominance. You fail if you accept another to control her, or use her.
Letting her give her self to others is a very bad step in your relationship,
Remember BSDM is about giving trust to another person. The only person your wife should give that trust to is you.
Btw. Another Dom will see your letting her go with him as you being weak and her open for the taking.
Wish I could like this twice. Especially the parts about another dom seeing you as weak and her available for the taking. In reality, letting another dom have access to her, she will also see you as weak and will be more attracted to the dom you gave control to. That is, she'll see you as submissive to the other dom.
I don't think so. No other person is going to dominate my wife. Perhaps a second submissive is a fantasy. But not a dominant, male or female.
The fantasy I was referring to was about a male-female-female threesome not necessarily any sort of domination unless you consider two women kneeling in front of a guy and sharing his cum a form of domination which it probably is.
The fantasy I was referring to was about a male-female-female threesome not necessarily any sort of domination unless you consider two women kneeling in front of a guy and sharing his cum a form of domination which it probably is.
Your two heads are competing on this one.
Your brain says - this is a bad idea and I might be opening Pandora's Box here.
Your d*$k says - don't stop now, and you'll ruin everything if you put the breaks on.
You don't want to lose what you have with your wife sexually - I get it, my sex life isn't that great. But like you've stated a part of manning up is knowing when to say no.
Obviously you know what the right thing to do is. Also, you have to consider that sometimes being a good spouse means having the courage to save your partner from himself/herself even if you end up suffering in the end because of it. I don't know much about female hormones and what happens to them when women are on the cusp of the change, but your wife appears to be going down a pathway to destruction that her husband needs to redirect towards the correct path.
If you elect to tread on this destructive path with her and bring others into your marriage, then on your head so be it. If you think your wife believes that she will only get "as close to having sex without doing it", then the two of you are fools. I think your wife fully intends to make your marriage an open one and is trying to bring you along "gently". Like I said above, I think you need to save your wife from herself right now. JMHO.
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Worried she wants to go further than I do. 
