To husbands of wives who deny them sex...
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 08-08-2012, 10:14 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy To husbands of wives who deny them sex...

I see a lot of posts on here about this topic. I don't get it. I get that life is hard people are tired kids need you...but it seems like there are a lot of men out there suffering in silence and just sucking it up essentially so as to not stir the pot. Maybe I'm wrong but it seems like a lot of husbands out there get rejected or shut down when they approach their wife in walking on eggshells kind of way. If I'm tired and my husband does that....it's so easy to say no not to tonight I'm so tired...and on and on. So he doesn't do that now bc I think he's learned, as I have too, that it doesn't lead to sex (if I am tired/stressed). When we first got married I remember I was too tired or whatever for several days in a row. By about the 5th day of no sex he swung open the door and began unbuckling his belt and in a very matter of fact and dominant way told me to get on my hands and knees. I was shocked and didn't move and he repeated him self and told me that he wanted me and that he was going to have me. That ended up being some of the hottest sex I had ever had. I hope he never gives that up. I like knowing that I'm his and that if he wants to have me he will..it's a total turn on, even if I was totally not turned on prior. So I guess I wonder if that dominance gets lost along the years or if that approach stops working after years of marriage. Have you tried being dominate and it backfired?
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Old 08-08-2012, 10:31 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: To husbands of wives who deny them sex...

If I tried that, she might get on her knees alright... and about 5 seconds later I'd have a nice set of dental imprints in my unit as a permanent reminder of why I won't do that again.

Demanding dominance hasn't flown for me with a woman in nearly 20 years. I sort of had it with my first ever sexual partner and I didn't know how good I had it then (still would have broke up with her though, for a long list of reasons...she was just nuts).
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Old 08-08-2012, 10:51 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: To husbands of wives who deny them sex...

Demanding and dominance are different IMO. Hard to describe in words but....I see my husband as dominant bc every decision he makes is for my best interest or the best interest of our marriage. He handles all of our finances and has done great with that. He continues to progress upward in his career. He always has things taken care of. I totally trust him in every way. If the man wants sex, well he's going to get it from me....but if I'm not on board, I trust him to take the lead and tell me what we are going to do. He's just playing into our basic instinct and it sure as heck works.
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Old 08-08-2012, 10:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: To husbands of wives who deny them sex...

He also does his part to remove barriers between us and our sex life. For example, house cleaning got in the way of sex so he hired a maid. I didn't really think we needed one but now I am so glad we do. Of course that is not an option for everyone and it was something we could afford at this point in our lives.
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Old 08-08-2012, 10:58 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: To husbands of wives who deny them sex...

I will never understand why some women (my stbx included) deny their spouses. You give a man good, consistent, fun sex and he will do anything in the world for you forever. It's so easy, yet so many just won't do it.

As bad as my marriage is now, as unattracted as I am to her now, and me about to file for divorce, yet still.....if she walked in the bathroom tomorrow morning and got in the shower with me, I wouldn't file just yet. Hell I don't want to break up my family. But no sex is non-negotiable.

I'll never understand. So easy to fix it all.
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:03 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: To husbands of wives who deny them sex...

Ok but....have you guys ever REALLY tried to take control of the situation. My husband is sweet wonderful loving....all that good stuff so of course that is a crucial part of me being turned on by his leadership in our marriage.
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:04 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: To husbands of wives who deny them sex...

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Originally Posted by missymrs80 View Post
Demanding and dominance are different IMO. Hard to describe in words but....I see my husband as dominant bc every decision he makes is for my best interest or the best interest of our marriage. He handles all of our finances and has done great with that. He continues to progress upward in his career. He always has things taken care of. I totally trust him in every way. If the man wants sex, well he's going to get it from me....but if I'm not on board, I trust him to take the lead and tell me what we are going to do. He's just playing into our basic instinct and it sure as heck works.
Missy,
It seems that you are a living, breathing testimony to the Married Man's Sex Life philosophy. Congratulations and good for you that you and your husband has found the "secret sauce".

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Old 08-08-2012, 11:07 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Ok but....have you guys ever REALLY tried to take control of the situation. My husband is sweet wonderful loving....all that good stuff so of course that is a crucial part of me being turned on by his leadership in our marriage.
I think that society today conditions men to not take control. IMO, there is a heavy feminization of the modern male that is happening today. To me, this is causing lots of confusion and issues, especially in marriage.
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:15 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Feminism has ruined lives. I think feminism is really a sick joke and has ended up ruining women's lives but for some reason no one is saying....hey, wait a minute here...
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:19 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I love my job bc my job involves blowing the whistle on this crap....but my instincts leave me feeling like I'd rather bake cookies for my husband than throw on a blouse and pencil skirt for a long day at work.
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:20 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I have tried that ..... but she was completely angry then I did the sex, without any of her input and then she left the bedroom, kept crying for whole night and didn't even talk to me for a whole week ........
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:20 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: To husbands of wives who deny them sex...

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Originally Posted by Zatol Ugot? View Post
I think that society today conditions men to not take control. IMO, there is a heavy feminization of the modern male that is happening today. To me, this is causing lots of confusion and issues, especially in marriage.
Bingo.

I remember a poster I seen just a few weeks ago. It had two pictures on it. The first was a picture of Stallone, firing a gun in the midst of what I think was the second Rambo movie. Under it, it said 'male role model of the 1980's'

The second picture was of that Patterson guy from the Twilight movies and under it it said "male role model today"

It was meant as a joke, but it really rings true. Gone are the days of seeing macho men doing macho things on TV, in the media, in films. The best you have now is stuff like Batman, and even in those movies (I haven't seen the newest one, so maybe this doesn't apply to that film) he's head over heels for a women who ends up dying (Dent's fiancee). He's full of confusion, full of doubt. Whatever happened to the guys like Rambo and Chuck Norris and Stallone who simply kicked the door in and kicked some ass. No need for love story underlines, no need for contemplation and doubt, just some take charge, alpha male ass kicking.

Now we are told to be in touch with our feminine side, talk about things, never use physical discipline, we are just 'pigs' if we go to a strip club, 'typical men' if we go out with the guys, and it's a 'man's world' because men still earn more than most women, even though there is still this expectation that the man brings home the money in the majority of households.

We see it in this forum as well. Men are wrong for watching a bunch of porn, but women are almost appluaded for doing the same. If a man wants sex everyday,. he's told he wants it to much. If a woman wants sex everyday though, she is lofted onto a pedestal. A women who doesn't offer up as much sex as we'd like is just normal and expected, but if a man doesn't offer it up as much as his wife wants, he's accused of not knowing how good he has it and that he may have a major medical issue, such as ED or low testoterone.

I know I have made statements similar to the above in some of my posts as well, but I do so in an effort to help, not as what I expect of men and women. It seems like this world is very much more pro woman than ever and only continuing to go in that direction. I'm fine with that, happy in fact, as I think women's roles in society have been greatly undermined for centuries. That said, it shouldn't come at the expense of men's roles, needs and wants, and that seems to be the way it is heading.

Men are expected to be totally different than they were 20-40 years ago outside the bedroom, but the exact same in it. It doesn't work that way. You can't change a guy into wanting to think about your needs first outside the bedroom, then expect him to drop his trousers and demand you get on your knees inside the bedroom.
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:24 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: To husbands of wives who deny them sex...

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Missy,
It seems that you are a living, breathing testimony to the Married Man's Sex Life philosophy. Congratulations and good for you that you and your husband has found the "secret sauce".

My husband is really a captain so maybe this helps
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:27 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: To husbands of wives who deny them sex...

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Feminism has ruined lives. I think feminism is really a sick joke and has ended up ruining women's lives but for some reason no one is saying....hey, wait a minute here...
The original intent of feminism was a noble and good cause. Today, we find it obvious that women should not be treated as second class citizens just because of their gender. I agree with equal opportunities, equal pay for the same job and full protection of the law as an equal participant in society. However, like many revolutionary causes, the pendulum has a tendency to swing too far in the opposite direction. Somewhere along the line, empowerment of women ceased being about the woman and became more about denigrating men. The modern male (especially in America) suffers from a bit of an identity crisis that has been generated from an overzealous sense of political correctness rather than common sense.
Missy, it seems that you have been able to see through the cloud of misinformation and societal nonsense to encourage your husband and relish the fact that he is a strong, dominant male. Not an a$$hole, just a confident, steadfast male that has his $hit together. I suspect that there are really more women out there that are like you but are afraid that their friends might think that they are being too submissive or that they are buckling under to an abusive husband. This is a sad commentary on our society if you ask me.
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:35 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Bingo.

I remember a poster I seen just a few weeks ago. It had two pictures on it. The first was a picture of Stallone, firing a gun in the midst of what I think was the second Rambo movie. Under it, it said 'male role model of the 1980's'

The second picture was of that Patterson guy from the Twilight movies and under it it said "male role model today"

It was meant as a joke, but it really rings true. Gone are the days of seeing macho men doing macho things on TV, in the media, in films. The best you have now is stuff like Batman, and even in those movies (I haven't seen the newest one, so maybe this doesn't apply to that film) he's head over heels for a women who ends up dying (Dent's fiancee). He's full of confusion, full of doubt. Whatever happened to the guys like Rambo and Chuck Norris and Stallone who simply kicked the door in and kicked some ass. No need for love story underlines, no need for contemplation and doubt, just some take charge, alpha male ass kicking.

Now we are told to be in touch with our feminine side, talk about things, never use physical discipline, we are just 'pigs' if we go to a strip club, 'typical men' if we go out with the guys, and it's a 'man's world' because men still earn more than most women, even though there is still this expectation that the man brings home the money in the majority of households.

We see it in this forum as well. Men are wrong for watching a bunch of porn, but women are almost appluaded for doing the same. If a man wants sex everyday,. he's told he wants it to much. If a woman wants sex everyday though, she is lofted onto a pedestal. A women who doesn't offer up as much sex as we'd like is just normal and expected, but if a man doesn't offer it up as much as his wife wants, he's accused of not knowing how good he has it and that he may have a major medical issue, such as ED or low testoterone.

I know I have made statements similar to the above in some of my posts as well, but I do so in an effort to help, not as what I expect of men and women. It seems like this world is very much more pro woman than ever and only continuing to go in that direction. I'm fine with that, happy in fact, as I think women's roles in society have been greatly undermined for centuries. That said, it shouldn't come at the expense of men's roles, needs and wants, and that seems to be the way it is heading.

Men are expected to be totally different than they were 20-40 years ago outside the bedroom, but the exact same in it. It doesn't work that way. You can't change a guy into wanting to think about your needs first outside the bedroom, then expect him to drop his trousers and demand you get on your knees inside the bedroom.
Kingsfan, I would find it quite difficult to meet my husbands needs if he were stonewalling me, spanking our kids, giving money to strippers instead of giving money to me, and wasting his juice on porn rather than letting me enjoy it. My husband is king bust trust me when I say I am his queen.
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