Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 08-12-2012, 07:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

My wife confuses me. After 20 years of marriage, I figured out that the only porn she likes is girl/girl porn, and only if the girls have big natural boobs, and only if they act like it is real sex. She even likes to talk about joining in during the act of sex. But when we are not in the middle of sex, she says that she only acts like she likes it, so I get excited. I know that isn't true, because when I put the right movie on, it's like Niagra Falls down there. She barely even needs me to get aroused with the right movie.
She is repulsed by the idea of going to a strip club or doing anything with webcams or video chat, even with a pro on the other end.
Before we got married, I would have sworn she was bi-curious, but over the last 20 years she hasn't budged on trying anything other than movies and verbal fantasies.
Don't get me wrong, I really like the movies and fantasies, but I would really like to have her see some real boobs up close. It's kind of difficult always talking about it, but then knowing that she will never actually do it.
For a while I resented the fact that she would "lead me on" with the fantasies, but wouldn't ever take the next step. But I'm over that now. I'm convinced it will never happen and I'm okay with it. I just can't figure it out.
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Old 08-12-2012, 08:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

Your wife has clearly defined the fantasy/reality boundary. You, on the other hand, have not. This is a problem because it breeds all kinds of nasty situations. Ask yourself why you are not content with just fantasy.
I used to force my fantasies to be reality and I got into so much trouble and had so much heartache it was ridiculous. Try to live just in your head. It gets sticky otherwise (pardon the pun)
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Old 08-12-2012, 08:22 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

Man you better be careful what you ask for.
She has set clear boundaries.
You are a lucky man!

My wife also love girl / girl soft porn , but she will never go to a strip club,nor will she have a threesome with another woman.
That is good enough for me.
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Old 08-13-2012, 03:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

Girl/girl soft porn can be exciting for me because it's something different, something I have no desire to try, experience, etc. It's a fantasy, an exciting, sensual thing. Let her enjoy it without making it anymore than that and you enjoy an already "revved up" niagra falls
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Old 08-13-2012, 03:41 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

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Your wife has clearly defined the fantasy/reality boundary. You, on the other hand, have not. This is a problem because it breeds all kinds of nasty situations. Ask yourself why you are not content with just fantasy.
I used to force my fantasies to be reality and I got into so much trouble and had so much heartache it was ridiculous. Try to live just in your head. It gets sticky otherwise (pardon the pun)

This is quite enlightening.
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Old 08-13-2012, 10:10 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

Nothing wrong with fantasies....

...there are just some girls that can live them and some cant.

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Old 08-13-2012, 10:15 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

I love girl/girl porn too. In my early twenties, I tried going to bed with a woman and I was very disappointed. That experience taught me that fantasies are often best kept that way.
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Old 08-13-2012, 10:16 AM   #8 (permalink)
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There is nothing to "figure out". Fantasy is NOT reality for every single person on the planet. I'd venture to say that most of the thoughts, inklings, curiosities, and fantasies that cross a person's mind not only would they never do in real life, but if provided with the opportunity to indulge in might not even be interested, if not downright repulsed.

Your wife has a firm line drawn between what is real, and what is imagined. That is perfectly natural and typical. You are only confused because you want her to have a lesbian encounter, for YOUR pleasure, and don't want to deal with the fact that your wife isn't interested. You're teased by the possibility of a fantasy you hoped would become reality, while your wife understands that her fantasy is just that, a fantasy, and nothing more.
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Old 08-13-2012, 11:17 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm not asking for a threesome or lesbian sex. I don't want to bring anyone else into our bed. I understand the risks of opening that door.

But I have heard several therapists say that couples should explore their mutual sexual interests in a safe environment.

So hasn't anyone had to push their SO a little to take their sex to the next level, and had positive results? It seems to me that if you don't push the boundaries of your comfort levels, you will fall into a routine of vanilla sex.
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Old 08-13-2012, 11:31 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

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Originally Posted by Jeapordy View Post
I'm not asking for a threesome or lesbian sex. I don't want to bring anyone else into our bed. I understand the risks of opening that door.

But I have heard several therapists say that couples should explore their mutual sexual interests in a safe environment.

So hasn't anyone had to push their SO a little to take their sex to the next level, and had positive results? It seems to me that if you don't push the boundaries of your comfort levels, you will fall into a routine of vanilla sex.
.......and you are quite correct.
However she sounds reluctant to do it right now.
If that is the case , it may be wise not to push the boundaries she has set.
Maybe later on she might be more receptive.
Patience.
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Old 08-13-2012, 11:34 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

My wife and I do lots of exploration around our boundaries. Taking about fantasies is lots of fun. However, while some fantasies are fun to actually do, we realize that some fantasies are best enjoyed as fantasies, where there are no real life consequences. Nothing goes wrong in a fantasy. Strip clubs and videocams aren't part of our real life exploration, and it doesn't sound like something your wife feels is safe, either. We've found lots of other creative outlets that push our boundaries and provide excitement without falling into a routine of vanilla sex.
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Old 08-19-2012, 07:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

haha - had old schoold friends of my wife tell me they thought she was bi when is eh was 18-22ish. ex wife never watches porn or acts like it to me however when with her softballs friends they all act like lesbians and talk about lesbian sex.

but if i talk to her, sex subject was taboo, i even aske her if she was bi or wanted another girl to spark our sex lives up. i was the worst person in the world
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Old 08-19-2012, 08:25 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

This is a problem because it breeds all kinds of nasty situations.
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Old 08-23-2012, 04:09 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife loves girl/girl porn but then she doesn't

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Originally Posted by Jeapordy View Post
My wife confuses me. After 20 years of marriage, I figured out that the only porn she likes is girl/girl porn, and only if the girls have big natural boobs, and only if they act like it is real sex. She even likes to talk about joining in during the act of sex. But when we are not in the middle of sex, she says that she only acts like she likes it, so I get excited. I know that isn't true, because when I put the right movie on, it's like Niagra Falls down there. She barely even needs me to get aroused with the right movie.
She is repulsed by the idea of going to a strip club or doing anything with webcams or video chat, even with a pro on the other end.
Before we got married, I would have sworn she was bi-curious, but over the last 20 years she hasn't budged on trying anything other than movies and verbal fantasies.
Don't get me wrong, I really like the movies and fantasies, but I would really like to have her see some real boobs up close. It's kind of difficult always talking about it, but then knowing that she will never actually do it.
For a while I resented the fact that she would "lead me on" with the fantasies, but wouldn't ever take the next step. But I'm over that now. I'm convinced it will never happen and I'm okay with it. I just can't figure it out.
Very typical fantasy. Many people do not want to live their fantasies, she is one of them.
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