Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
It's not that easy though, like I said she doesn't want it. Her reluctance and view of it as being 'disgusting' probably fuels my apprehension too.
Guess I just have to insist, convince her it's worth trying at least once?
I don't get this. Feelingdown, you need to get over the apprehension and lead by example. This is your wife, how could you associate any part of her body with something disgusting? I believe if she sees that you find every inch of her desirable and are willing to please her it may begin to change the dynamic.
You misunderstood, she views it as disgusting not me, this is what adds to my apprehension. I do find every inch of her desirable... even when she's lazy and doesn't shave her legs! That being said, I probably don't show it enough.
Up till now I've never really had any great desire to challenge her view which is one of the reasons why I'm not 100% on how she actually feels about it.
Ok, I got it, brother. Then show her how desirable she is, it's a win for you as you get to make the person you love and desire happy. Couple this with communication and I think you will open up the door to a more rewarding sex life.
I wasn't fond of it. And my husband is the only man I've been with that isn't circ'ed so I didn't even know how to do it to him. And it was difficult for me because I have a small jaw. When I go to the dentist they use the kids mouth pieces because the adult size ones are too big for my jaw structure.
In the first 3 years of my relationship with my husband..i maybe did it 4 times. He was always very persistent and pushing my head down in that area in a very unromantic way. I hated it. It drove me nuts. I was not confident at all in doing it so I avoided it.
Being open with my husband about me really not knowing how to do it on his penis definitely made me more comfortable. He was nice about it. Eventually I gave in and started doing it. I watched how to videos and even practiced on him while watching. I learned what he likes. I learned how to do it. I started doing it just as some small foreplay. Eventually I built up to doing it to completion.
I think I may have started opening up to it because we have literally done everything aside from a 3 some (which I've done but not with him)..and I was getting bored and wanted more in my sex life.
I have fun with it now. I'm not a great deep throater...but at least I try! I do use a lot of hand assist which definitely makes its easier and my husband seems to enjoy it.
Start small. Be reassuring. Maybe she doesn't think its gross..maybe she wants to do it but its a confidence issue.
I too used to ff through the oral in porn because I was intimidated by it since it was something I didn't do (but wanted to and just wasn't confident). I played it off that I thought it was gross...meanwhile I wished that I was so great at it and confident with it. The only way to be great is practice!
I get the sense she somehow thinks it's dirty. I'm guessing she was raised with some repressive attitudes towards sexuality.
Oral sex is awesome. It's so exciting being able to drive your partner wild in that way.
If there is some way she can get past her initial reaction I think she could learn to really like it. My suggestion is start with doing her. Don't start by going right to her v***** but begin by kissing her body all over and work slowly towards it. You may not get there the first few times...you have to read her reactions but I think if you're patient you will get her turned enough at some point to let you do it.
I recommend you do what another poster said: show her how desirable she is. I know I am always willing to try almost anything(except anal. It's not possible for us...) when my husband shows me how desirable I am to him. Even if I don't really like the act or position.
As others have said you need to lead by example. Try to talk about it first after you have sex when you are cuddling. Resure her that YOU think it is a normal thing and not dirty. Depending on the porn you are exposing her to seeing this may make it appear more degrading then the act actually is. Also assure her that you will not come in her mouth, or on her face. You can work up to this.
I would strongly suggest doing it on her first without ANY notion of reciprocity. While it may lead to this i would not make it your motive. It should be motive enough to watch her loving the experience.
I think that much of the belief that most women have about oral comes from upbringing. Try baby steps and perhaps a little booze.
Baby steps. Up your dominance just a little. In missionary, hold her hands up above her head with a strong (not mean or painful) hold. In doggie, spank her a little. Also in doggie, push down on her upper back or neck so that she assumes a more submissive posture. During all of this watch her reaction very closely. I did this and the reaction was almost unbelievable. The next day, text her and tease her about her reaction a little. Tell her you know she liked it.
This is step one, putting yourself in charge of the bedroom. You won't be grabbing her hair and "making" her give you oral until about step 20, but it will happen if you go down the right path.
No. Not entirely comfortable with the idea but I would do it if she wanted it and have told her so. She doesn't want it though or so she says (maybe she thinks it'll mean she'd have to return the favour?) and again says it's yucky.
definitely do this to her it is awesome. makes you fell like a stud while she dances on your tongue.
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I agree with everyone else here, but I will say there are some folks who no matter what will not do it... both female and yes male (dated one) and there was no amount of convincing.... you wife may have some hang ups, is she adventurous in other ways, positions etc? (Anal is aquired, I am very advernturous but I do not like that at all, it hurts, even with lube) each person is different in their sexual likes and dislikes, but I wouldn't say try it only once... either... more than once to see do you really like it or not because the first experience or two you are still learning (both of you).... I would also find out if she was abused sexually in any way when she was younger or forced to perform oral sex on a man, or even a previous boyfriend. This happened to me and I was totally turned off by it. HOwever my dh was persistent in his desire and now i love it! I will initiate a BJ for him
I,m thinking if you're making love to HER and you start at the top and get her passionatly involved and start working your way down to give her oral then by the time youb get there she will not stop you. This does not have to be accomplished in one lovemaking session but could be done over time.
I mean when people meet and get together they don't show all their cards the first nite.
I used to read cosmo all the time and there are always stories in it instructing women on the art of satisfying their man. What I did as a man was to just do then same thing to my SO.
It always achieved great results.
I dislike the notion that if there is a position someone doesn't like or want to do that there is something wrong with them. Not everyone is going to enjoy givig BJ's. I have no problem with it but this idea that you are entitled is BS. And all I see is constant begging for it is going to do for him is annoy her.
If he wants to try giving her oral for altruistic reasons then go for it. But I am willing to bet if he does it and she don't return hubby will be a pouty boy even though she has done nothing but tell him she isn't interestd.
She should at least give it a go once. When you are giving a HJ, you can space out and think (and pretend) that you are somewhere else. Its like folding laundry... repetitive and boring, but eventually you zone out into lala imaginary land. Its the same with head jobs. That is how I get through it. Maybe you could suggest that to her.
I've actually tried doing the kissing down the body thing once, she stopped me from going any lower and I've not really tried since then.
I've ordered the adult board game monogamy (she loves stuff like this), which I think is a good idea as it involves drinking, getter her in a sexy mood and best of all, oral is actually an aspect of the game! I think it could serve as a good tool to break that barrier.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopelesslyJaded
I dislike the notion that if there is a position someone doesn't like or want to do that there is something wrong with them. Not everyone is going to enjoy givig BJ's. I have no problem with it but this idea that you are entitled is BS. And all I see is constant begging for it is going to do for him is annoy her.
If he wants to try giving her oral for altruistic reasons then go for it. But I am willing to bet if he does it and she don't return hubby will be a pouty boy even though she has done nothing but tell him she isn't interestd.
Who said there is anything wrong with her? Who said I'm entitled? Who said I constantly beg for it?
If I give it I may use it as a bargaining tool but that's it. We have the sort of relationship where we can openly talk and laugh about this stuff rather than get all serious. I certainly won't pressure her into anything or resent her if she still doesn't want to return the favour. Infact, I very much dislike the idea of doing anything with her that she isn't HAPPY to do. But feel free to carry on making assumptions.
Like I said before, I don't know if she actually doesn't like it and finds it disgusting or if deep down it's something she wants to try out.
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Re: Oral sex 
