RandomDude

How can I convince my wife that this is not normal and we need to work it out and that she has to go to counselling? Are there better ways to deal with her excuses? She also tends to start playing the 'wounded dove' act as soon as things hit closer to home.

And I suspect there's something there too but she insists there isn't. I don't know what to do, I'm at a dead end here

MaritimeGuy

My ex got into this mode towards the end of our marriage. After she announced to me she "wasn't happy" and we were "working on the marriage" she became hypersexual. She wanted it hard and fast for hours at a time night after night. It might have been OK if only I didn't have to work for a living and could sleep all day. It was exciting in the beginning but going till 3 or 4 in the morning and getting up at around 6 or 7 to go to work got to be exhausting.

I'm not sure what triggered that. I too tried to do some research and it seems to me there are some who feel it's a manifestation of some form of depression.

needguidance

Wow, what a problem to have..... Omg my wife wants it too much. Please, stfu and suck it up! I hear so many guys complain about not getting enough (this guy posting/myself) sex and you're saying a line has to be drawn. Man up.

I say that to say this. I had an ex that I really enjoyed for about three months who was highly sexual just like your wife. Mind you, this woman was 19 and I was 23. It was probably one of the best relationships Ive been, or in the top 5. She was sexy too.... Anyway. It was awesome for about the first couple of weeks. I probably could have kept up if I wasnt working 70+ hours a week. Had a regular 9-5 and a part time after that plus working 16 hours on the weekends. I mean it was glorious. Morning sex, quickie for lunch, get off first job sex, after work sex, middle of the night sex. Initially I did everything I could to keep up but I am the type of person I dont perform well in LIFE if I dont get enough sleep at night. My body was just drained and so was my private area. She was the second woman to put me in my place sexually, thats why I love hispanic women though my wife isnt hispanic (really should have thought twice about that). I dont know what your schedule is but if I were you, I'd keep running and never look back. Maybe you need to work out more, drink more water, take a multi vitamin, I dont know but don't give up. I know when times got tough I told her that I was drained and my body couldnt take much more. I had to start avoiding her because it was too much and Im never one to turn down a sex session of any form. Dont turn it down because once you do, you will be kicking yourself later. Just find another alternative if you can't do penetration. You have your hands and mouth. If you arent efficient in those areas I suggest you get it. You will save a ton of time if you master her body. Good luck~

deejov

RD,
There is an emotional and chemical rush we women get from sex, the love drug.

I can see where you don't want to tell her she's not normal.....
But it's not normal to hyper bond that much, it's no different than drinking to hide your pain and emotions.

Pull the crutch out from under her. Gently.
Try some shared writing exercises.
Since you are "struggling" with this issue, both of you write down how you feel about intimacy. In detail. How does it make you feel physically, emotionally, etc. Make it a habit to write it down right afterwards. Try it for a week. She might SEE what she's getting out of it. And she must be. Let her decide if it's normal or not.

RandomDude

@MaritimeGuy

Aye, all the reason she needs counselling it seems. She gets defensive however, and so far I've dropped this for the sake of peace in the household. The strange thing is, she became like this since marriage. Yet based on her history, it's like she was hypersexual in her youth, went to church and seems to have been normalised when she got converted (that's when I met her, and before marriage when we were gf/bf we never had this problem even though we did make love quite often), then we got married and the demands started coming. Nowadays she's more cunning to get her way instead of using repeated demands however.

@Needguidance

Oh mate I've tried, hell the gods know I've tried. And I don't feel good when I can't perform - I know I should be thankful that I don't have a sexless marriage but at the same time it's just too much! And this isn't a 3 month thing, it's been a problem for years since marriage. Its a sex marathon each time and its getting old and tiring. I keep myself as fit and healthy as I can, but her expectations can be quite demanding. I wrote this on another thread, what she expects from me each session:

The better mood I'm in the faster she gets satisfied but it's difficult to even be in the mood when she wants it this much.

@Deejov

Yes, it seems to be a sex addiction just like I had an alcohol addiction. So writing everything down you say? Like an after-sex report on intimacy? Hmmm, I'll see if I can get the missus onto it... now just have to think of how to word it lest she reckons I'm trying to worm my way out of sex again.