Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I used to try, but I found it put unfair pressure on my husband. I think he preferred to set the tone sexually and eventually I got sick of feeling ashamed, awkward and needy for wanting sex so I stopped.
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Originally Posted by longtimelurker
My Wife - ALLWAYS.
It has to be that way ...
Can you tell us why this is...... just curious.
Wife had 2 PA's all the while emasculating me and giving me crumbs. It made initiating on my part quite traumatic.
After the second D-day about 18 months ago, she has changed her behaviour drastically. I never made it a condition that she initiates, she knows intuitively. Our sex life has gone from 3 or 4 times a month to 3 or 4 times per week. I have not initiated once since D-day.
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Usually me. Also, the wife initiates in a way that in the end it's still technically me who initiates. While I just jump on her and stick my thing inside she'll just stick her bum out at me in bed in a subtle way that, if you ask me, says 'come on, you know you want it'... she denies this and says it's just how she feels comfortable when trying to sleep, but I know the truth
I never initiate, because it never happens when I do. In the past, I have tried to initiate on the spot and have been rejected. I tried some "advance warning" like suggesting for that evening before I leave for work, she tells me she's not in the mood.
I've only said no to my wife once... in the middle of the night when I was exhausted. Any other time in our marriage she has suggested sex, we did it.
I would say 99.99% of the time she suggests, we do it, 100% of the time I try to initiate, we don't. Now it's just too frustrating to try.
She initiates occasionally when she hits that point in her cycle and is really feeling it. I initiate the rest of the time. I have to say though, the sex is much hotter when she initiates.
In 5 years of marriage, 90% me. Wife initiated only after a long dry spell like 2 weeks, or when her libido surge near the end of her cycle, or after she had a wet dream.
And yes, it feels a lot better when she initiated. So sometimes I just hold myself for 2 weeks.
I would say 50/50 but we are still so new that we can't keep our hands off each other anyway. No real initiating needed we just seem to end up doing it, all it takes is a kiss and we are on.
I will do everything I can to keep it like this long term. We are both HD and came from long term marriages that were quite sexless in the later years.
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Re: Who initiate sex in your relationship? 
