Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I was wondering if this is normal. Here is our typical night of sex. A little kissing maybe a few minutes of oral, penetration. She cums twice me once and we are done for another week. Probably not bad for 10 minutes of effort. My problem is I am bored. I have tried for years to discuss this with her with little success. She says that she feels weird discussing sex. I have bought books for spicing things up and she threw them away. I bought her toys and she refuses to try them. She wont look at porn, try roleplay, bondage, anal or do anything other than what I listed above as typical night. Like I said this has gone on for years and I am now asking the TAM crowd for help. What do I do? Is this normal?
For one thing I'd try to stretch it out longer than 10 minutes. It sounds like she's going through the motions (granted, she's getting off).
Take a little longer each time. Don't talk about new stuff, just gradually try it. Try getting off first, getting her off, then going back for seconds. Different positions, but nothing extreme to start. See how that works.
If she's getting off twice, and not lying about it, perhaps she doesn't really see any reason to change things up.
You're unsatisfied and bored. That however doesn't mean that she's unsatisfied and bored. If something is working for her, perhaps she's just scared to rock the boat?
A woman does not understand why this is important to you.
She probably does not feel she is denying you anything important (simply becuase it's not important to her).
You have to teach her. It's a process.
What is the most important thing you do to make your wife feel loved, appreciated and fulfilled? That's your starting point.
Prudes are a complete waste of time. They're secretly very happy with the misery they do to themselves and other people. That's what makes them judgmental prudes in the first place. And if it wasn't sex it would be something else. If you said you loved saffron in your food they'd suddenly develop an allergy to it.
Id say that a great majority of women don't enjoy being bound in ropes or chains, or having anal sex, or watching random people have sex on video. That doesn't make them prudes.
What kind of sex life do you want with your wife? One where she does "stuff" FOR you or one where she does it WITH you. If you're getting upset that she's not watching porn for you, roleplaying for you, having anal for you, then she can probably sense that you're after personal satisfation instead of mutual fulfillment.
Also, how are you, as a lover? I know you believe she has an orgasm or two. But does she actually? Have you felt them. When a woman orgasms, really orgasms, her vaginal walls contract and release rapidy for about 15 seconds. That can't be faked. Moaning loudly and wiggling around for a bit is not an orgasm. Breathing heavily and shaking is also not an indication, your wife can do that whenever. Try fingering her until "orgasm" and see if you feel the contracts. If you don't, yet she APPEARS to have orgasmed, she probably fakes with yo on a regular basis.
If foreplay and intercourse only last 10 minutes, she's probably bored and unsatisfied too. More so than you possibly. Posted via Mobile Device
So you need to extend your thinking beyond the typical erogenous zones. I would not even put it up for discussion and trust me she is not likely to resist, but you may want to simply give her a sensual massage. There are all type of "to do" videos you can watch and books to guide you.
I don't know a woman who would not want to have a full body sensual massage. This can lead to all kinds of fun things.
I spend 10 minute on my wife's feet and another on her hands when I do this... usually by the time I have worked my way to where it counts she is climbing up the wall.
__________________ Makau, the fish hook - stands for everything that is good and promises prosperity (not just in material things), strength (character) and renewal (not remaining stagnant). My creed for building a strong marriage.
I've found the key to role playing with a less than enthusiastic partner is to let the partner be themselves in the role playing scenario (example with me and my husband, he gets to play himself, while I'm a naughty babysitter or a stripper propositioning him for more) it satisfies my role playing fantasies while not making him feel too uncomfortable, because he doesn't have to "fake it". Obviously since it's your wife that's the uncomfortable, your scenarios might be a little different.
Also, instead of porn, have you tried maybe reading erotica? Women as a whole tend to be less visual then men,,, porn does absolutely nothing for me, while erotica can really get me hot and bothered. A great site is literotica.com, they have LOTS of different stories, and no harm to your computer.
I was wondering if this is normal. Here is our typical night of sex. A little kissing maybe a few minutes of oral, penetration. She cums twice me once and we are done for another week. Probably not bad for 10 minutes of effort. My problem is I am bored. I have tried for years to discuss this with her with little success. She says that she feels weird discussing sex. I have bought books for spicing things up and she threw them away. I bought her toys and she refuses to try them. She wont look at porn, try roleplay, bondage, anal or do anything other than what I listed above as typical night. Like I said this has gone on for years and I am now asking the TAM crowd for help. What do I do? Is this normal?
This sounds pretty much standard for us..... but it really didn't have to.
Only difference is, *I* like trying new things. I'm sure my husband loves the new things I try, but he doesn't initiate new things. So then I am left feeling like I put in effort and he reaps the rewards.....so it's back to standard sex.
Maybe your wife isn't being completely fulfilled? Not just during sex, but all day leading up to sex. I didn't even realize that was a HUGE problem for me until I really tried to analyze *why* I wasn't in the mood for sex like.....ever. And it was because, I didn't feel very "sexual". I felt like a mom and a housewife...... Maybe that isn't your wife's problem, but could it be that there is *something* lacking that makes her a little less enthusiastic about sex? Does she seem TOTALLY turned on and content with the way your sex life is going? Does it seem like a chore to her?
Maybe you need to explain to her that sex is a really important part of your marriage and the only way the two of you are going to figure out what's working and what's not is by talking about it. My husband will talk to me about sex but for whatever reason I get the feeling he's also a little weirded out by talking about it.....idk..... Maybe she is just not used to talking about sex..... can you write each other a letter? Email? That way it's not face to face but still serves the purpose of being heard? Then maybe after airing everything out in a non stressful way, she might have some relief and feel more open to communicating with you about it in the future? Right now the priority is to discuss it by any means necessary. I know writing letters probably seems highschool-ish but if it serves it's purpose, great, right?
I was wondering if this is normal. Here is our typical night of sex. A little kissing maybe a few minutes of oral, penetration. She cums twice me once and we are done for another week. Probably not bad for 10 minutes of effort.
I could never come that way. I wouldn't be anywhere near turned on enough by that to orgasm. I'm having a hard time believing that your wife really does orgasm from that. I'd barely be warmed up, and that's even if I had been in the mood to begin with.
I need flirting and teasing during the day (all the time, really). I need a lot more kissing and touching and stroking. And time. I'd need more time.
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My problem is I am bored. I have tried for years to discuss this with her with little success. She says that she feels weird discussing sex. I have bought books for spicing things up and she threw them away. I bought her toys and she refuses to try them. She wont look at porn, try roleplay, bondage, anal or do anything other than what I listed above as typical night. Like I said this has gone on for years and I am now asking the TAM crowd for help. What do I do? Is this normal?
So stop trying to talk about it; just do it. YOU begin - start making the changes to your sex life that you want to make. Next time, don't stop with a few kisses. Kiss her longer. Kiss her neck and her shoulders. Then kiss her lips again. Touch and stroke her everywhere. Find out where her erogenous zones are. Kiss her some more. Make kissing all over your new "normal".
Then ramp it up next time. Add something else you'd like to do for her pleasure during sex. Make that the new normal. Once she starts feeling pleasure, she'll start returning the favor and will be open to doing more to please you.
I hope you aren't expecting bondage and roleplay and all the stuff you like to see in porn. She's nowhere near ready to start being playful.
This is going to take a while, because it sounds like you two need to reconnect in order to be more passionate lovers. Be patient. But start adding passion to your nights together.
Don't wait for her to come around on her own, or to start reading books. Flirt with your wife. Tell her she's sexy. Text her that you were just thinking about kissing her...lips. Seduce your wife! This is your job as her husband! Take charge and wake the poor lady up to sensual pleasure.
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Is this normal sexuality for a woman? 
