They Call Me Smooth

Well I feel a little bad about posting this but I feel people need some hope and maybe this could help someone.

A little background, my wife and I were on the verge of divorce. I had seen my lawyer and the papers were at the court house. A major issue in our relationship was sex, well lack there of. Sex got to the point where it was 4 or 5 times a year and then to completely stopping. Every time I asked, my wife would have some reason to say no. Oddly enough the lack of sex put my sex drive in overdrive. I was watching porn every single night and helping myself.

Skip forward to a month ago. The wife and I wanted to give it one more shot. A lot of things were said and cleared up and some how my wife's sex drive came back. We have sex 3 or 4 times a week now (some times 3 times a day) and the best part is I don't start it. Just yesterday I was in the kitchen and she grabbed me by my pants and said "Come on". She lead me into the bedroom and all but raped me (I was way too willing to call it rape but her aggression was great). The sex has been like that for the past month now. In fact we seem to be having it more now then when I first move back.

So to every one out there having issues with sex in your relationship there is hope. I went 7 months without sex with my wife at one point so I know how it feels. I can tell you that we did nothing to fix our sex life. Once we fixed other issues in our relationship the sex just came back.

MMA_FIGHTER

thats it man, hit it like its going out of style........

MarkTwain

Fantastic

Please could you go into detail about what changed, and how it helped?

__________________
MT
See me on: www.marriagesatsang.com

They Call Me Smooth

I contribute the change to two things. First and formost, my wife wanted to make it work. For the longest time I kept trying to make it work but she was just cold to me and literly enjoying it. She said for the first time in the relationship she felt like she was in control and she wasn't going to give that up. Sounds messed up but I can see her point. In the past while we were dating I was the one breaking up and leaving her and she was begging for me to come back. Now the tables were turned. But for her the thing that opened her eyes was after 3+ months of separation I had finally decided I was going to go on a date. I had a date Friday night and another on Saturday. This is when it finally sunk in for her. This is where everything got very real for her and she didn't want to lose it. So she stepped up and finally told herself she would do whatever it took to make the marriage work. Simple truth is you can't make it work if both people aren't completely in it.

That was what got my back into the house the other major thing that I think fixed a lot of our problems was communication. This was something we lacked very badly. No only did we not talk much but when we did neither of us were able to make the other understand. After hours and hours of talking I think we both see eye to eye now. Last night after the boys went to bed we sat on the bed and talked for a good hour. Not about what bother us or anything like that, I think we are past that now. Just talked. Talked about our future, plans for the house, etc. I said this in another post but I have learned more about my wife in the past month then I ever knew about her in the past 6+ years we were together. Not only are we talking but we are learning how to listen to each other. You wouldn't think two people who have spent 6 years with each other would have much to say but we do.

All in all we spend more time together (we set 2 hours a day to spend with each other. We know it wont always happen but we put an effort to stick by it), we talk about things we like and by fixing those issues our sex life is great. We had sex after talking last night which makes it every day since Saturday. I'm sure neither of us will be able to keep up with this pace but just knowning she wants me makes me feel great inside.

Considering just how bad our marriage had gotten and just how close we came to the divorce I'm counting my lucky stars. My hope is my story might inspire someone to take that extra step and save their marriage also.

MarkTwain

Smooth-

That's very interesting. I think a lot of relationships get to the point where one partner feels taken for granted. Moving out and dating can be a wake-up call to the other.

Do you think you did anything to contribute to your wife's lack of attention? "I am sensing resentment, captain" as Deanna Troi would no doubt say!

__________________
MT
See me on: www.marriagesatsang.com

They Call Me Smooth

In the beginning. Don't get me wrong I take blame for the things I did. It takes two people to ignore each other. My issue was I was very and I mean very vindictive person. If someone hurt me I would make sure I hurt them 10x more. It took me a long time to finally come to terms with that side of me and learn to push it aside. I have since change my ways (through will power and therapy). I was also a lazy husband. We purchased a house Oct 2007 and besides putting new hardwood floors in the day we got the house I barely did anything. The problem was she would do something to make me mad (normally not spend time with me or not give me sex) and I would do nothing because I knew it pissed her off. This was our life for a good year. It was a big circle of pain neither of us would give in to help it. At that point my wife became numb with her feelings. This is when she started seeking affection/attention online.

Looking back now it's clear that we both had the need to make the other person feel the pain they caused. After seeing the outcome of that type of behavior it's not hard to see it was a bad idea. But it's hard to see all the BS when you are sitting on it ya know.

After I left I had changed and set a goal for myself to become a better person. I wanted to try to make the marriage work but after all the time of being that way my wife didn't think I would every change and gave up. On top of that she was still holding onto her ways of making me feel pain for hurting her. I guess you could say I saw the signs first. This went on for around 3 months. At this point she was going on her 2nd date (two different gyes) and I gave up. I finally decided to try and move on so I made 3 days with 3 different women I had met. Friday night I was on my date and my wife was txting me like made saying nasty things. Clearly the date had bothered her. The next night she had her date and I had mine but she cut her date early because she was upset that I was with another woman. The next morning she called me and wanted me to stop by the house and talk. I moved back in that week. That was a little over a month ago and the road has been rocky no doubt. But after each problem that comes up we sit down and talk rather then ignore each other. I think we both know this is our last shot and neither of us is willing to blow it.

MarkTwain

That's great!

I think you had the guts to call her bluff and it worked. A lot of guys just eat £$@! and get no-where.

__________________
MT
See me on: www.marriagesatsang.com