This is my situation: early 40's, great family (including a sweet and caring wife), over educated, smart, successful, fit, and good looking. I have it all. But I am bored. Particularly in the bedroom. I have already tried it all (toys, talk, porn, asked for counseling, blah, blah, blah...). I really think I have hit my wife's boundaries (in terms of her libido and things she is comfortable with) and honestly do not want to push her beyond where we are. By the way, my wife grew up in a very conservative environment and her willingness to try new things is really almost non-existent (nope, no BJs for me... ever). At this point she seems quite happy with the super plain vanilla sex life and truly has no desire to spice anything up (and I feel kind of selfish insisting... and after years of trying I know nothing is going to change anyway).
I cope the way most other guys do: a bit of online porn and the rare random fantasy chat with a stranger. Just enough stimulation to keep me sane, curious, and entertained.
And of course I have found myself looking at other women... and I know I could find someone if I wanted to (never had problems finding girlfriends or bed mates when I was single). I did my share of dating and had my share of not-so-conservative girlfriends. I do know what I am missing. But I don't want to hurt anyone with the potential fallout from an affair.
By the way, I have never cheated and my intentions of ever getting a divorce are really zero.
So here is my question to all of you: what about paid sex?
I mention it because I travel to a country where escort services are legal, the girls only practice super safe sex, and the girls are actually very good looking professionals with a huge repertoire of services. One friend of mine there told me it was quite similar to getting a massage or going to a spa in the US. I have a hard time doing it thought (in addition to the cheating part it probably has to do with the shame that is attached to having to pay for sex in our culture). FWIW... I don't think I would ever call an escort service or hire a prostitute in this country. It is just I really start feeling like "when in Rome do as Romans do..." particularly in my situation.... so very tempting. Is our own cultural baggage with respect to sex that is keeping us from a simple solution to mismatched sex drives in otherwise perfectly happy marriages?
Thanks for the input!