3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 05-15-2009, 10:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

Here is the situation... Which may be typical, but Ive yet to find info specifically relevant.

My fiance', aside from other issues there is the question of limits of sexual exploration. We are indeed "creative" at times, but the standing issue is her view of 3 sums..and mine.

Now of course, here is where I am the hypocrite. I am perfectly ok with the idea of including another female, but hell no with including the other male. Before anyone verbally attacks me, I know... Im all about equal rights etc.. BUT.. it just is different to me, and thats what I was curious about with your opinions.

Now we are considering one of these days soon... couple months or so exploring voyeurism, etc. Maybe attending a swingers party..but just watch. to "see how we feel"...

Now of course, it will be like a real live porn, so its inevitable to be turned on. For both of us. The idea is arousing itself, so its just fair to assume.

When I have brought up the subject, with my hypocratic angle to it, she always part candidly states.."well.. if you want two woman...what about me having two men?"... Always said with a smirk, but I can sense the sincerity of the question. Trying to explain to her about how I feel...etc.. She has mentioned before that...."well... we just haven't reached that level of love where as sexual endeavors is just that"...

Implying that Im either too closed minded..and old school, and that i dont love her strong enough yet??

Tell me please....

Any guys or gals know of that "level"?

Of love, where as you have NO bad feelings...nor jealousy..Nor anger... when you see your wife with another man?


Dont get me wrong...the sexual...down and dirty thought, of sharing a woman.... using.. (respectfully) etc... is intriguing.. never done it... but I can see the intrigue..

BUT whenever I have attempted to fantasize about such with the fiance in mind....

Its weird... her being pleased... is partially exciting... BUT...realizing another man inside of her.... turns my stomach...

call me closed minded... or a hypocrit... whatever...but I just KNOW that if we ever had that... 4 some... 3 some..etc..

and I saw HER giving Oral to another man...

I dont think I could marry her... i feel near sick even thinking about it....

Sorry for the rant, but can anyone throw other perspectives at me... Ive always consider myself "open-minded" and progressive but with this.... Im having trouble figuring it out...

What do you think I should do?

Or not do?

I appreciate
ideas... advice...
thank you ahead of time...
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Old 05-15-2009, 10:50 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

confoozed-

You are emotionally immature, and not ready for marriage, let alone 3somes!
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Old 05-15-2009, 10:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

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Originally Posted by MarkTwain View Post
confoozed-

You are emotionally immature, and not ready for marriage, let alone 3somes!
Ok, so your implying that being or not being ok with another man's "member" in the mouth of the woman you kiss every night is in fact...

a determinate of one's level of emotional maturity?


Please do explain..

ps
pretty hugh claim to make of someone you hardly know..
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Old 05-15-2009, 11:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

OK, so I was a little rough on you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by confoozed
Ok, so your implying that being or not being ok with another man's "member" in the mouth of the woman you kiss every night is in fact...

a determinate of one's level of emotional maturity?
No. It's the fact that you want it one way round but not the other, and you have not thought through the emotional implications for your future wife. She may well let you get away with it, but longer term... the resentment will build up and she will gradually go off you unless she is able to forgive you. Forgiveness is in short supply these days, however.
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Old 05-15-2009, 11:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

I know, hence the hypocrisy... but maybe I failed to explain my point, in that ramble..

She is ok with the idea of including other partners...

and Im not...

Does that mean Im immature in the sense of emotional evolvment? Or just ...what it is..
How i feel about the topic..

Secondly, If she is ok and more for the idea... generally... than why would there be resentment on her part?

and I do agree... forgiveness is indeed rationed commodity these days...
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Old 05-15-2009, 11:53 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

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If she is ok and more for the idea... generally... than why would there be resentment on her part?
I am guessing that she would go along with an FMF as a down-payment in order to get an MFM which is what makes her really hot. So if you only go along with the FMF, she will feel cheated! Sorry, I don't make the rules - but this sort of thing happens all the time.
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Old 05-15-2009, 12:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

honestly, I am certain she is equally interested in both FMF and MFM.. i know what your saying, but Im certain that she has the attraction/intrigue towards another woman.
I know me being ok with one and not the other...isnt fair...

and I think i will stay away from both dramas for the sake of future relationship problems..

It just bothers me that she has this idea that I may not have reached that "level of love and trust" in order to feel comfortable with her being with another guy... with me... as if its a higher level of involvement..

is this bull****? or am dillusional or just too old fashioned?

i know im beating a dead horse, but this clarity your helping me get is getting rid of a couple year long idea that keeps haunting me...

I appreciate your advice by the way... even though I was getting a bit defensive at first..
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Old 05-15-2009, 12:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

Quote:
Originally Posted by confoozed View Post
It just bothers me that she has this idea that I may not have reached that "level of love and trust" in order to feel comfortable with her being with another guy... with me... as if its a higher level of involvement..
I would have no problem with it if my wife wanted to try it once, and the guy was not too clingy, and it was guaranteed safe - no STDs. I fail to see what there is to be jealous of.

Having said al that, it's playing with fire, and probably best avoided
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Old 05-15-2009, 02:28 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

Tell me please....
Any guys or gals know of that "level"?

Of love, where as you have NO bad feelings...nor jealousy..Nor anger... when you see your wife with another man?

------------------------------------------------------------

Well I can tell you for me I would have to be at a level of NO love to not care about my husband being with someone else.
Can you think of someone you've dated that you wouldn't care if they did another guy in front of you? How much did you love them? was it a "higher level" of love?

You said you wouldn't want to marry her if you saw her giving another guy oral-that sounds like even if you can get yourself to go along you'll never really be ok with it. And she seems to really want to do it.


If you do it, you will never get the picture of her enjoying sex w/another guy out of your mind.

You should figure this out before you marry.
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Old 05-15-2009, 03:25 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

Neither you nor your wife understands sex in marriage to be contemplating this at all.
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Old 05-15-2009, 03:50 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

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Neither you nor your wife understands sex in marriage to be contemplating this at all.
So Im assuming you mean that if you "understood" sex...in marriage... then openmindness wouldnt matter?

I am confused. Could you ellaborate..?
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Old 05-15-2009, 04:01 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

I think you are insecure which is why it's ok for your soon to be wife to have to kiss you every day after you have another womans private part all over your face but not ok for your to kiss her after she has given oral to a man.

The truth is you aren't secure enough to be trying a threesome with anyone. The moment you wife lets out a moan from the other woman you are going to be thinking she enjoyed her more then you.

And for the record, fantasies are always better then reality. I doubt you threesome will be the mind blowing experience you think it will be. This is come from past experience.
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Old 05-15-2009, 05:19 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

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Originally Posted by confoozed View Post
So Im assuming you mean that if you "understood" sex...in marriage... then openmindness wouldnt matter?

I am confused. Could you ellaborate..?
Do not confuse open-mindedness with having no boundaries regarding sex in marriage. Promiscuity has no place in a committed marriage. i presume you both took vows of faithfulness to each other? Was it in a church before God, your family, and your friends?

I'm not going to preach to you. I really do not care if you two are nailing anything that moves -- or not.

However, within the confines of marriage, introducing others into bed is plain wrong.

If the two of you understood that, you would not be contemplating this at all.
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Old 05-15-2009, 11:21 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

Mark and I are probably the most "open Minded" people on here, and I agree with Mark.

You are not ready for this, both young and immature.

I don't even think you two should get married anytime soon.

not going into details, but swinging needs 110% trust, open communication and complete openess.

It is clear you could not handle a 3some.
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Old 05-16-2009, 02:00 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: 3-Sums... sexual Hypocrisy... and jealousy/open-minded-ness

OK, so Mark, GA and I are probably the most "open Minded" people on here and I agree with them. People are way to hung up on sex and that includes you. Your "hypocrasy" is your wake up call that this is something that you are not ready for. My guess is that you're carrying around the baggage of your upbringing and socialization. When you have been able to liberate yourself from these influences and create your own foundation, then, maybe, you'll be ready to think about this. And this assumes your partner has also come to the same level of conscious evolution.
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