Are all men this selfish? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 05-15-2009, 08:03 PM Thread Starter
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Angry Are all men this selfish?

My husband and I have this never ending argument about sex. Im tired of hearing all his lame reasons that love is equal to sex. He thinks that is the most important aspect of a relationship. I agree it is important, but in no way is it the most important. His selfishness drives me crazy. He has no regards for my health and thinks that he should get sex whenever he wants it, no matter what. I am pregnant with our 3rd child, and sex is the last thing on my mind. After my first child was born, he was bugging me only 3 weeks after having her. I had to have a medical procedure done to remove cancerous cells from my cervix and he was bothering me that same night! The doctor tells me specifically to wait 2 weeks, but he still does not care.

Is there any way to get through to him that my HEALTH is more important than his sexual yearnings?
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 05-16-2009, 04:36 AM
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Re: Are all men this selfish?

That's 50% of the population!

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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 05-16-2009, 07:30 AM
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Re: Are all men this selfish?

No i dont think all men are selfish .. your health should always come first .. he just doesnt understand womens needs ...but then does anyman ? because we are so good at moving the goal posts !!!

Not looking back again
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 05-17-2009, 07:54 PM
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Re: Are all men this selfish?


I hope I dont offend you when I say this, but your husband seems to have a very bad understanding of love. Sex is very important in a marriage; however, health before sex. You two really need to talk about this issue with the aid of professional help. You husband learned this definition of love growing up and it will be very hard for him to change the way he feels about it. Please do jeopardize your health over sex. Perhaps he would settle for other forms of sex when your health is an issue.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 05-17-2009, 08:35 PM
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Re: Are all men this selfish?

Originally Posted by Princemomma View Post
Im tired of hearing all his lame reasons that love is equal to sex.
Here again, I'm going to suggest the booked titled," The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. If possible get him to read it also. Perhaps when he provides your "love" in your language he will get more sex (obviously his love language). Not to worry my ex never got any of that figured out either. He just thought a string of mistresses was a workable solution.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 05-17-2009, 08:45 PM
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Re: Are all men this selfish?

At the very least your husband is ignorant of medical needs for recovering from a surgical procedure. Your cervix needs to heal before having sex.

If you can't tell him that, get him to speak to your doctor.

He may be a thickheaded numbskull, but you really do have to assert yourself and your very real health concerns.

And that is the minimal bar for action.

If he fails to understand this or discounts its validity, then you know he doesn't care about you.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 05-18-2009, 08:08 AM
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Re: Are all men this selfish?

For your husband, and a majority of men, love is equal to sex, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but its true. Most men (some women too) don't feel loved without sex.

The book suggested earlier "The Five Love Languages" would really help you out and see what your husband is thinking. He should read it too so he can figure out what your "love language" is.

However, all that being said, him bugging you about sex that soon after procedures that have to do with your vagina (cervical cancer, birth of your baby, etc) is moronic.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 05-18-2009, 10:16 AM
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Re: Are all men this selfish?

I can answer your question with "No". I know this b/c I am a married man and would never behave like that to my wife. Sex is part of a loving relationship, but it is only one aspect of the entire package that is a loving relationship. He needs to get it through his head (through communication by you) that there are going to be times that you can't be sexual, whether physical or emotional.

I can say that on a positive note, at least he wants lovin only from you and isn't finding sex elsewhere.

If he needs to "release" than encourage him that he can "self endulge". Either way, you have to make him undestand that your relationship is about being committed and being compassionate towards each other in every way possible.

Good luck!
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