Are all men this selfish?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Are all men this selfish?

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-15-2009, 08:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Princemomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: North Aurora
Posts: 13
Angry Are all men this selfish?

My husband and I have this never ending argument about sex. Im tired of hearing all his lame reasons that love is equal to sex. He thinks that is the most important aspect of a relationship. I agree it is important, but in no way is it the most important. His selfishness drives me crazy. He has no regards for my health and thinks that he should get sex whenever he wants it, no matter what. I am pregnant with our 3rd child, and sex is the last thing on my mind. After my first child was born, he was bugging me only 3 weeks after having her. I had to have a medical procedure done to remove cancerous cells from my cervix and he was bothering me that same night! The doctor tells me specifically to wait 2 weeks, but he still does not care.

Is there any way to get through to him that my HEALTH is more important than his sexual yearnings?
Princemomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-16-2009, 04:36 AM   #2 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
MarkTwain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 3,426
Default Re: Are all men this selfish?

That's 50% of the population!
__________________
MT
MarkTwain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2009, 07:30 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: east anglia england
Posts: 907
Default Re: Are all men this selfish?

No i dont think all men are selfish .. your health should always come first .. he just doesnt understand womens needs ...but then does anyman ? because we are so good at moving the goal posts !!!
__________________
Not looking back again
humpty dumpty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-17-2009, 07:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: D.C.
Posts: 3
Default Re: Are all men this selfish?

PrinceMomma,

I hope I dont offend you when I say this, but your husband seems to have a very bad understanding of love. Sex is very important in a marriage; however, health before sex. You two really need to talk about this issue with the aid of professional help. You husband learned this definition of love growing up and it will be very hard for him to change the way he feels about it. Please do jeopardize your health over sex. Perhaps he would settle for other forms of sex when your health is an issue.
suigeneris is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-17-2009, 08:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
Moderator
 
827Aug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 4,182
Default Re: Are all men this selfish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Princemomma View Post
Im tired of hearing all his lame reasons that love is equal to sex.
Here again, I'm going to suggest the booked titled," The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. If possible get him to read it also. Perhaps when he provides your "love" in your language he will get more sex (obviously his love language). Not to worry my ex never got any of that figured out either. He just thought a string of mistresses was a workable solution.
827Aug is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-17-2009, 08:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,646
Default Re: Are all men this selfish?

At the very least your husband is ignorant of medical needs for recovering from a surgical procedure. Your cervix needs to heal before having sex.

If you can't tell him that, get him to speak to your doctor.

He may be a thickheaded numbskull, but you really do have to assert yourself and your very real health concerns.

And that is the minimal bar for action.

If he fails to understand this or discounts its validity, then you know he doesn't care about you.
michzz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-18-2009, 08:08 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 699
Default Re: Are all men this selfish?

For your husband, and a majority of men, love is equal to sex, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but its true. Most men (some women too) don't feel loved without sex.

The book suggested earlier "The Five Love Languages" would really help you out and see what your husband is thinking. He should read it too so he can figure out what your "love language" is.

However, all that being said, him bugging you about sex that soon after procedures that have to do with your vagina (cervical cancer, birth of your baby, etc) is moronic.
revitalizedhusband is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-18-2009, 10:16 AM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
dcfl_notsure's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Crestview, Florida
Posts: 8
Default Re: Are all men this selfish?

I can answer your question with "No". I know this b/c I am a married man and would never behave like that to my wife. Sex is part of a loving relationship, but it is only one aspect of the entire package that is a loving relationship. He needs to get it through his head (through communication by you) that there are going to be times that you can't be sexual, whether physical or emotional.

I can say that on a positive note, at least he wants lovin only from you and isn't finding sex elsewhere.

If he needs to "release" than encourage him that he can "self endulge". Either way, you have to make him undestand that your relationship is about being committed and being compassionate towards each other in every way possible.

Good luck!
dcfl_notsure is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Who is the selfish one? wifewifewife Sex in Marriage 24 04-11-2012 11:03 AM
She is so Selfish... cisco7931 Going Through Divorce or Separation 2 07-13-2011 03:23 PM
Selfish or do I want too much? kathrab2009 General Relationship Discussion 3 09-18-2010 08:57 PM
Am I being selfish?? sarah1971 General Relationship Discussion 16 08-27-2010 06:11 PM
Open minds ONLY - selfish husband has bred selfish wife bhappy3 General Relationship Discussion 1 07-05-2008 12:53 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:59 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage