Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 09-20-2012, 03:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

My husband of over 20 yrs won't stop trying to talk me into a threesome (mmf or ffm, he doesn’t care), he has been doing this for years. I have told him I have no desire to do this and don't want to discuss it anymore but he keeps pushing the issue. We haven't had what I would call the greatest marriage. He has problems with alcohol but won’t admit it. He might even be bipolar, but he refuses to believe he has any problems and won’t go to get diagnosed.

I have told him that talking about a threesome over, and over, and over, (you get the idea) makes me feel as though I am not enough, which is why I have asked him to stop asking. He still keeps asking! At this point I am feeling as though he is trying to manipulate me and is disrespectful of my feelings. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
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Old 09-20-2012, 03:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

Is this a dealbreaker for you? It sure would be for me. I'd be finding a husband who didn't drink and didn't want to have an open marriage.

Do you want to stay with him, assuming he won't change?
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Old 09-20-2012, 03:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

Have you said to him: "What part of NO can't you understand?"
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Old 09-20-2012, 03:39 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

Does he talk about it all the time or just in bed? Mine talks about it in bed as dirty talk, but when i mention it out of bed he says its just dirty talk. After that clarification i just go with it.... But when it gets to be too much i definitely snap. I don't have any advice for you... Just letting you know you're not alone. Good luck, hun
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Old 09-20-2012, 03:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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My husband of over 20 yrs won't stop trying to talk me into a threesome (mmf or ffm, he doesn’t care), he has been doing this for years. I have told him I have no desire to do this and don't want to discuss it anymore but he keeps pushing the issue. We haven't had what I would call the greatest marriage. He has problems with alcohol but won’t admit it. He might even be bipolar, but he refuses to believe he has any problems and won’t go to get diagnosed.

I have told him that talking about a threesome over, and over, and over, (you get the idea) makes me feel as though I am not enough, which is why I have asked him to stop asking. He still keeps asking! At this point I am feeling as though he is trying to manipulate me and is disrespectful of my feelings. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
I would explain to him it's ok for him to have it as a fantsasy, but for you it ends there. It is time for him to STFU about it, or you will leave. You're not interested in it, and conversation is over. Should the day come when you change your mind, you'll let him know. Until then he needs to get the possibility of it out of his head.

It is hard enough for people in close, strong relationships to have a threesome when BOTH want it, let alone when just one is pushing for it against the other spouses will. THAT is not a strong "marriage action" and will most certainly bring about resentment, pain, and disaster were it to happen.

My W is interested in a wmw threesome, as am I. But I won't be looking for it or badgering her about it, and she won't do the same. It seems for us to be about a 60% fantasy / 40% actual desire thing. If the opportunity arises, we've already set ground rules, and maybe we'll let it happen. If it doesn't happen, so be it, we're doing just fine without it!
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Old 09-20-2012, 03:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

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I would explain to him it's ok for him to have it as a fantsasy, but for you it ends there. It is time for him to STFU about it, or you will leave. You're not interested in it, and conversation is over.
I like this part. Clear. Direct. No muss, no fuss.

For us - there is no room in a marriage for a third party. None.

20 years and he is acting like that? Has he always been a demanding, selfish, controlling d1ck? I'm with Hope on this one. If my wife started *demanding* a threesome and wouldnt quit, I would clearly think she had lost her mind and would be wondering if the marriage should be over.

Last edited by anotherguy; 09-20-2012 at 03:57 PM.
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Old 09-20-2012, 03:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

If you don't mind it as just a fantasy, you can talk about it during intimacy. If it grosses you out - DON'T DO THAT EVEN. Still - tell him that you are not going to go there no matter how much he begs, so stop it already because it is annoying you and you are beginnig to question his love and respect for you. He can either enjoy the sex that you are willing to give or you are going to keep that to yourself and move on.
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Old 09-20-2012, 03:58 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

If you relent, it will be the biggest mistake of your life. It's been discussed and torn apart on this forum many times and it never ends well.

Frankly, this guy sounds like a terrible person. What kind of man continues to bring this up after his partner has been crystal clear??? I'd be very careful going forward with him. Be aware of who he's with.
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Old 09-20-2012, 04:12 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

It's every man's fantasy. I've been pressuring my girlfriend the same way. She's been with a chick before, so why not have fun all the way around?

I keep reminding her my birthday's coming up.

I just want to experience it one time, and that definitely includes them both blowing me and sharing my load.

I don't think it's all that much to ask.
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Old 09-20-2012, 04:22 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Have you said to him: "What part of NO can't you understand?"


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Old 09-20-2012, 04:24 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

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It's every man's fantasy. I've been pressuring my girlfriend the same way. She's been with a chick before, so why not have fun all the way around?

I keep reminding her my birthday's coming up.

I just want to experience it one time, and that definitely includes them both blowing me and sharing my load.

I don't think it's all that much to ask.
No not to much to ask at all. As long as it's fine for her to have a threesome with you or perhaps even a foursome with you and two other well hung men.

When men say this they are simply selfishly asking for permission to cheat. Not only does it pose a huge risk to your relationship, but it' so disrespectful and shows that he clearly does not value or respect you and sees women as purely for his sexual gratification. I love to be sexually gratified too, but not at the expense of my relationship.
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Old 09-20-2012, 04:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

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I don't think it's all that much to ask.
laugh.. really?

I would guess you are in the vast minority if you really believe it is 'not that much' to ask.

The consequences of having a fantasy and exacuting it in reality are somewhat different - and the inability to shutup ( <= especially this) about a fixation involving extramarital sex against your spouses expressed wishes is (I would argue) a clear indicator of damaged goods.
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Old 09-20-2012, 04:30 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

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When men say this they are simply selfishly asking for permission to cheat.


Exactly.
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Old 09-20-2012, 04:56 PM   #14 (permalink)
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It's every man's fantasy.
Speak for yourself. I find it disgusting.

OP let him know every time he ask you to do this, you lose more respect for him as a partner .
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Old 09-20-2012, 05:17 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband won't stop trying to pressure me into a threesome

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Speak for yourself. I find it disgusting.
Please allow me to rephrase.

It's a common fantasy for men to have.

Quote:
Originally Posted by *LittleDeer* View Post
When men say this they are simply selfishly asking for permission to cheat.
It has nothing whatsoever to do with cheating, which by definition is a deceptive practice.
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